New Nurse: Feeling lost

[aspiringtobebetter]

Hello everyone!

I'm a new(er) nurse in the field, I'm technically out of my first year but I have been a nurse since Summer of 2023. My dream has always been to work NICU. But at this point, I feel so lost and like I am not meant to be an RN anymore. I unfortunately have resigned from two nursing jobs in my first year.
 

My first nursing job was an RN residency and I was in a level 4 NICU. I feel like I honestly may have screwed myself over by going straight into NICU after graduating. I also want to mention that I do have severe ADHD but am on medication for it and have been working with myself on being better with time management. I was in this job for about 9-10 months and thought I was doing well, I did all my online learning modules and did the worksheets that were given. I genuinely thought I had improved my time management and such. But then I had a meeting with my education coordinator and was told that I did not pick up on things fast enough and I was too task-oriented. and that I was at the end of my line. I resigned and took the rest of the month off for a mental break but actively still applied and researched jobs.

My previous job's unit manager recommended I try level 2 NICU as it was "slower" and had less critical patients, I took this advice and did some research. I thought this unit would be a good path for me to grow, so I applied and got a job in level 2. I was told during interviewing that level 2 nurses were expected to "stork" and be the baby-catchers, as well as there only being two nurses in the NICU at a time. I believed that I could do this with practice. But upon working in this unit for three months, could not seem to get "storking" under my belt and struggled immensely. I also want to mention I would sometimes feel like the unit was too "slow" for my liking. I unfortunately resigned from this job as well after discussing with my unit manager and education coordinator. During this discussion, I was told that level 2 NICU and more catered towards nurses who have lots of more experience and that I did not seem to have enough experience. I was offered to try the hospital's mom/baby unit as a way to get more newborn experience. But after two weeks of working on this unit and trying my hardest to take any hands-on experience I could get, I was at the end of my line and my manager did not want to offer me to transfer. Unfortunately, I also did not feel the passionate for mom/baby as one should. I don't want to work on a unit just to make money, I want my heart to also be there too.

Alas, this brings me to current time, I have applied to level 3 NICU, Acute Peds, and Peds Med Surg positions (suggestion from a coworker/friend who I confided in, who recommended these to gain more experience and grow my nursing skills). But I only received an offer back from the level 3 NICU. I took this job offer and I was excited as I truly love NICU and kinda missed the pace of a level 4. I start this job in over a week and now I'm feeling an immense amount of fear and doubt in myself. I fear that 6 weeks won't be enough and that I'm not good enough and that I will fail myself again. I also seem to have a mental block and I can't seem to break it. I want to do well at this job and hope that the third time is the charm.. 

I was wondering if I could receive advice on:

- How to overcome this hill of doubt and depression

- How to better myself as a nurse, esp as a nicu nurse

- How to stop being so task-oriented 

- How make new knowledge stick for good

- How to properly communicate with my new leadership to ensure that I get the experience I need to grow

 

Thank you all and Happy Holidays!! ❤️

[291tiger]

You've been through a lot, but you're still here trying, and that says an lot about your resilience. Give yourself permission to not be perfect. It is challenging, but growth comes with time and repetition. Focus on the why behind what you're doing, not just the tasks. Be honest with your leadership about what you need to succeed and ask for feedback regularly so you can adjust along the way. Writing down what you learn and reviewing it after shifts is really helpful. You don't have to have it all figured out right away—what matters is that you're showing up and trying. You have the passion for this, and that's your greatest strength. Trust that you'll grow into the role with time.

 

[SoTexasLVN]

no matter what kind of job you do, try to fight this urge to quit. also when negative thoughts come try your best to not dwell on them. look at the positives you have and go from there

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

Try working in peds first.  You can polish your basics tool kit before entering the more challenging NICU.  You will also make yourself more sellable because I don't know if anyone will hire you directly into NICU since you quit twice.

[Hannahbanana, BSN, MSN]

A few suggestions:

1) To decrease being so task-oriented is one of the biggest hurdles new grads have. When you've spent that time in learning lab learning THE WAY to do tasks, it's hard to see other people going it differently or to pull back a sec and say, "Why do we (or someone) do this, for this patient, now?” Seeing the bigger picture with ongoing, ever-changing assessment is the nurse's biggest responsibility, yes, it is, because if you won't do that you won't see how to care for the whole patient. When you start doing that, your task-forward attitude will back off a bit. You may find yourself adapting your practice with rationale-based strategies, too. This brings me to...

2) Don't say "can't,” say "won't.” Srsly. Look at every sentence you've posted "I can't …(something).” Change them to "I won't…(something).” Puts a whole 'nother spin on it, doesn't it? Then ask yourself, "Why won't I .... (whatever)?” It really is a choice.
If you won't because you don't know how yet, ask somebody to show you. If you won't because you're afraid of what people will think, lose that. If you won't because of some fear, attitude, or prejudice, lose that. If you won't because it's hard? Yup. Growing is hard. Where is it written that it won't be hard? You can't? No, ask yourself, *why* you won't. Then do it anyway.  
3) Call your employer EAP for a counseling referral. You won't be the first and you won't be the last. What have you got to lose besides a bunch of won'ts that are getting in your way, anyhow?

Good luck and let us know how you're progressing!