Hi guys! Sorry to post another topic about an unhappy newly graduated nurse, but I just wanted other people's opinions. Before I graduated, I took a job at a hospital about 50 miles from my home town, on an orthopedic and trauma floor. Having an interest in ortho already, I was excited, and I was excited to move and be on my own. I was told that my schedule was going to be 3 weeks of day shift then 3 weeks on night shift, and constantly flipping back and forth. Once I passed my boards I moved away from my family to be closer to work. Once my floor orientation started my manager told me it would not be the minimum 8 weeks planned, but shorter since the unit was so short staffed. My orientation ended up being on 5 weeks. All my friends from school had a minimum of 16 weeks orientation or more depending on their unit. Obviously I don't think 5 weeks is enough orientation for any nurse who just graduated school, and I voiced my concerns to my manager but she didn't care since she needed me as a number on the floor. So after my 5 weeks of orientation I was thrown on my own to manage 6 patients (the usual load for nurses on the unit). The unit itself is very outdated, and looks like the last time it was very updated was in the 80's. The pumps, and computers and various other technologies on the unit are also outdated (one nurse told me that the hospital hasn't gotten new pumps since they started working there in the early 90s). After flipping between nights and days, I have determined that I LOVE working nights. The nurses there are more helpful, answer questions (I'm always asking questions since I am new, and had a short orientation) without judgment, nicer, and I enjoy their overall company and feel like a 'family'. I'll break off here to talk about the average patient on the unit. We usually get gun shot wounds, car crashes, falls, crush injuries, etc. I would say that 8/10 of our patients can not move so the nurses and aides are very busy with constant total care. Since the hospital is a big hospital, the acuity of the patients is equivalent to what some ICU in smaller hospitals would see. The nurses (especially on day shift) work closely with social work since patients have a trauma. Recently my manager told me that I would not be working any night shifts and would be all days during the summer since that is the "trauma season" and I was needed on days more. I was very upset with this since I love being on nights, and day shifts are so overwhelming to me. I did apply for a full time night position on the unit, and was the only one to do so, so I thought I would get the job but my manager has not gotten back with me. My manager has also been controlling my schedule instead of allowing me to self schedule, and she never gives me more than 2 days off in a row. I've had to work weekends that are not my assigned weekend, and I just think I'm taking too much responsibility for a new nurse. I feel like since I always take on 6 patients that are such a heavy workload, and the usual 'drug seeking' that patients can do, I've become hardened. I got into nursing to be a positive influence for my patients, and make a difference, but now all I care about is getting everything done in a timely manner. The few times I've gone home my family has even voiced concerns. They say how tired and sad I always look, and I find myself snapping at them over the littlest things. I dread going into work everyday, especially when I am on day shift. I cry after every shift on the car ride home, and there have been times I've cried at work. One time I had a panic attack at work because PACU sent me patient that needed to be in the ICU but had no open rooms, and I didn't have the skills to do all that was needed for them (luckily some other nurses helped out a lot). I can't really sleep before work because I keep thinking how miserable the next shift is going to be. I'm also having a rough time because I don't have a support system down here. My family and friends from school are 50 miles away, and I never thought I'd miss them all this much (since this is my first time on my own). I'm not making 'out of work' connections with my coworkers, and never have the energy to go out and do anything on my own for fun.I know that the first year of nurse is hard, and all new nurses hate it, but is it normal to hate everything this much? Sorry to rant and vent so much, I'd just love to hear everyone's opinions. Thanks so much!