New grad needing help and advice

[Jessie0990]

Hi, 

My name is Jess and I graduated with my ASN in May 2023. I have been working at my first nursing job for about 4-5 months now and I am really struggling. I originally graduated with a bachelors in health sciences and worked as a medical assistant at a private practice. Once Covid happened I decided to go into nursing because I loved working as a medical assistant. I loved coming in and doing the same thing everyday and knowing what to expect. When I first graduated from nursing I really wanted a clinic or outpatient surgery position but was told you need at least a year of med surg. So I took a position on a med surg unit and I hate it.  I cry almost every single day at work and I feel like I made a mistake. I can feel the other nurses on my unit being annoyed with me. I am not scared to ask questions and I heavily rely on others at work and I feel like everyone thinks I am too needy but I am SO overwhelmed. I couldn't get through a shift without help.  I know that it is normal to feel overwhelmed and anxious as a new grad nurse but I can't live like this. I dread going into work so much that I can barley sleep the night before a shift. All I think about on my days off is how much I hate this job and how stuck I feel. I am so tired on my days off that I just sleep and worry about my next shift. I have stopped doing my hobbies and haven't seen friends still I started, I just always feel too tired.  I hate the 12 hour long shifts, I live 30 minutes away from my hospital so I wake up go to work come home and sleep. I hate not being able to take a full 30 minute lunch without interruptions. I have days where I have zero break at all. Last week I was so busy I worked 13.5 hours without a full 30 min break. I hate working different days every week and never being able to get into a routine. I honestly truly hate made surg and never knowing what I am going to walk into everyday. This isn't the job or place for me and I do not know what to do. Every job I apply to I get rejected because I am a new grad with only 4-5 months under my belt. But truly at this point this job has left such a sour taste in my mouth that I don't even know if I want to be a nurse. I feel so selfish for feeling like this because I truly love helping people BUT I have found that it is hard to like helping people when I am miserable myself.  I have found that I do not like the pressure of having 5 patients lives in my hands. especially when I feel overwhelmed and that I cannot keep up with the workload. At this point I just want a boring job where I do the same thing everyday. I'm craving a boring 8-5 job that will give me a lunch break and a job that I am not terrified to go into everyday. A job where I can actually enjoy my days off and not feel like I am drowning all day at work. I feel like I am at my breaking point and I don't know where to turn. I so desperately want to put my two weeks in but I need a new job or at least a new direction I can turn to before I can do that. Does anyone have any advice on careers or other nursing options for me? I have a bachelors in health sciences and an associates in nursing. I am sorry for this long post, I just needed to vent. I just want to start enjoying my life while working a job that I don't absolutely hate. 

[Jo89, LPN]

Have you thought about applying to assisted living homes? You see mostly the same residents and it's more of the same routine. You can also most likely do 8 hour shifts and get a rotating set schedule. It's not the only option but something to think about.