I'm a licensed rn in CA and have my bsn. I just started in a new grad program on a very busy medical/oncology floor. I'm not chemo certified so I'm not doing any real oncology work besides PCAs and such my preceptor does all the chemo meds but for the most part I have all medical pts. I have a total of 4 pts per shift and am still on my "one on one" with my preceptor. I'm on week 7 and I absolutely hating it. The thing is that I literally am running my whole "12" hour shift (more like 14 since I have to be there at 615,and usually dont leave till 8). I have one main preceptor who I dread and am with her twice a week and with someone else the other day. I have one good day out of 5 usually and am always crying once I get home. The work conditions are great and the team is very supportive since the floor I am on is specifically for new grad training. Its a 40 week long program then we apply within the same hospital system but for a different floor. The first 20 weeks are days and the second 20 are nights. I go on my own starting in three weeks when we go to three new grads per preceptor a shift. What can I do to help me critically think better?? My preceptor says she only sees me doing task after task instead of looking at the bigger picture (shes 18 years in and never gives positive praise EVER). My other preceptor I feel like I can actually talk to and told her how I need that positive praise for encouragement and she is awesome at it. She helps me recognize learning moments and is very good at demonstrating skills with me. I guess I'm just looking for advice and words of wisdom. I have a great brain sheet and we also have a great system of kardexes that gives all the important info on a pt but I have a hard time putting into words what my "plan" for the shift is. I'm like deer in headlights when asked but feel like when I am left alone I do fairly well. HELP!!!!! How would you verbalize your plan if asked? How do you organize your day? Any and all advice welcomed. I'm basically regretting going into nursing but this will be what I do until my student loans are paid off. I literally have so much anxiety the night before a shift I wake up every 20-30 mins and am holding back tears the whole drive to work. I really need to make it through these 40 weeks because any RN job requires a year of experience and some even more. I am finding that I am just hating bedside nursing but find I will doing this for awhile even after the 40 week program because jobs are SCARCE! Thanks in advance for any tips and advice. I should add that I have a baby so it is also hard leaving her as days I work I literally do not see her awake as she is sleeping when I leave in the am and just goes to bed before I get home. It freaking sucks so much.