I'm a new grad who has been working for a few months in L&D--I was hired as a new grad. I received 2 months of classroom time and am now in my 3rd month of a preceptorship on the floor, working at first two 12 hour shifts and now for the third month three 12 hour shifts per week. I had to sign a 2 year contract to agree to work in L&D for 2 years in return for the training. My problem is I am extremely anxious at work and because of that, I sometimes forget things or make stupid mistakes and feel that makes me look even more stupid to my preceptor, who already intimidates me. I did well in nursing school and even in clinicals received praise from instructors. I worked as a tech for 9 months before becoming a nurse and did very well and my employers were pleased with my performance on busy floors, so I know I can handle multitasking generally. However, I'm really struggling here. There is so much to know and the highly litigious nature of L&D has been drilled into my head by my preceptor and others so much that I am gripped with fear. I have been told that the doctors will turn on me in a heartbeat and throw me under the bus so to watch my back and make sure I now what I'm doing. My preceptor basically sends me on my own to do things now and I appreciate that in some ways because I feel so nervous around her (she has a strong personality), but when I forget things instead of helping me in a kind way she is hard on me and I feel degraded and shamed. She is very knowledgeable and skilled and has been doing this for like 25 years, so she knows her stuff, but personality-wise, it is a mismatch. I can truly say I've been doing my best but I feel like I can never measure up. I beat myself up as well because in my anxiety, I know I space out sometimes. I don't want to get too specific in case anyone in my dept reads this. I don't know if it is the nature of the work in L&D that isn't right for me (the slow one minute, fast paced and potentially very serious the next), just being a new and inexperienced nurse, or both. I wish I could transfer to postpartum, where it is slower paced and more predictable, but I signed a contract to specifically stay in L&D for 2 years. The anxiety is intense and I find myself sometimes crying at work and when I get home, which is getting old. I made an appointment with a doctor now that my health insurance is in effect because I believe I have had untreated ADD (inattention, forgetting things, etc., my whole life) and definitely have anxiety issues. I am not sure what else to do. I guess I'm just needing support or advice. Thanks.
Oh sweetie, you will definitely not have it all down by May. That is unreasonable. It takes years to "have it all down." L&D is a tough ward. It takes atleast a year to get somewhat comfortable, but everyone struggles in the beginning. Use you preceptorship as a time to ask questions. Don't let your preceptor intimidate you, because preceptorship is about YOU. Learn what you need to learn. Take it one day at a time and be patient and forgiving with yourself.
anewsns
437 Posts
phew!! I'm so happy for you, it's just easier to be a good (and sane) nurse when you can ask questions!