New Grad: Dream Job in the ICU and I Hate it....

[GeninRN, BSN, RN]

I am a new grad in an 8 bed ICU. I have had no bedside experience as a nurse other than clinicals, but when applying for this job I was told they did a great job supporting new Grads. I was matched with a super nurse as a preceptor, and I hate her. She is a perfectionist ( which is understandable with ICU nurses) but even the other nurses on our floor agree that she is can be very abrasive and does everything perfectly. I have been with her for 3 months and each day has been terrible. I tried to stick it out because she is a wonderful nurse and I learn a lot. But every day I am talked down to and humiliated in front of my peers. I dread going into work now and I feel like I have no one to talk or connect with. Alongside that, I feel overwhelmed with the requirements of being an ICU nurse. I was unsure if I should wait and see how I manage with another preceptor or if I should just request a transfer to a med surg floor. My long term goal was to go to CRNA school within the next couple of years for financial and personal reasons but now I am rethinking nursing altogether. I used to love it and helping my patients, but now I feel like I'm just a task punching bag. I feel that I'm becoming depressed and I'm running out of people to turn to.

Any advice or anyone understand where I'm coming from?

[jalilly]

First of all, take a deep breath. You WILL get through this. Being a new nurse is challenging and stressful and overwhelming. This is expected. There are things you can do to make this situation better. Next, please reach out to family, friends, and a counselor/ therapist for support. You need a great team of people who will be there for you during this difficult time.

Next, you need to make a meeting with your manager ASAP. You need to talk to your manager. Tell your manager that the relationship you have with your preceptor is not adequate for learning in the ICU setting. Tell them you are overwhelmed and anxious. It is unacceptable that you feel humiliated at work. Request a new preceptor and request to have meetings with your managers and educators weekly to talk about your goals and progress. If you are not able to switch preceptors, your new preceptor is not supportive, or you continue to be in a toxic work environment then you can think about next steps. If you still don't like ICU after a preceptor change then you should consider moving to a different floor. Please, take care of yourself and do not give up on your nursing career. There are so many areas of nursing to work in and you will find a good fit. Keep us updated on how it goes!

[Nurse Carol]

I felt just like this 30 years ago when I was a new nurse. But I had invested so much time and money into nursing school and was too proud to leave nursing and I am glad I didn't. After the first year or two, it got much better. I felt more confident and transferred to a place that was a better fit. I don't know your situation very well but you might have a chat with your nurse manager and see what the feedback is from her. A different preceptor might help or maybe just a talk from the manager to your current competent preceptor about how we don't want to be "eating our young" in this unit. If your manager doesn't see any alternative then maybe ICU isn't for you. Not every area of nursing is for everyone. One of the things I really like about nursing is that there is so much variation, that if one area isn't working for you, something else might fit better. ICU isn't for everyone you must endure at least two years of it if you are going to want to go to CRNA school, but maybe working med-surg first for a few years wouldn't be a bad idea? Talk it over with your manager and don't get discouraged, don't take it personally I am sure you are doing as well as any new grad can do, its just that it takes a lot to acclimate to some areas and sometimes you just don't "click" with a particular preceptor. Hang in there!

[GeninRN, BSN, RN]

@Nurse Carol I agree with you, I have tried a different preceptor but I do feel that ICU is not for me. It has been a bit of a jarring realization to come to, especially since now I have to rethink my plan that I've been on track for since my junior year of high school. I had a couple conversations with my manager, but nothing is official yet, but I do plan to try med-surg or even outpatient first before completely giving up. I've been stuck on my plan for so long, it didn't occur to me to try out different fields to see what I may like. Hopefully that will save me a lot of stress.