Needing advice on my new job

[NerdyNightOwlRN]

I need help. I have been seeking advice from people I know, and now I want to get some opinions in a completely anonymous way from people who know the nursing field: you guys! So here we go...

I take my job very seriously and very personally. My career is extremely important to me and has been one of my top priorities for years. I have worked very hard to learn more and be the best I can be.

I've worked for 5 years in the same specialty and had started to dabble in related areas as I explored what I wanted to do next. I thought I had it all, that I had reached my dream and was excited to continue learning and growing as a nurse and was considering going back to school for MSN or DNP soon.

Things have recently started to unravel.

4 months ago, I started a new job in a related but different specialty than the one I've spent the past 5 years in. I remember on my first day there feeling that I had made a mistake. Though similar, this place was a far cry from my dear original job in ways that I both expected and completely did not expect. But I was committed to remaining positive, seeing this as a new challenge.

Orientation started off well, which really helped things. My confidence soared. I knew that, as a nurse of 5 years, I was operating at a level exactly where I should be. My unique and varied past experiences were building on to my new skills and I thought I made a good decision.

Things went downhill about halfway through my orientation, after dealing with some difficult and unfamiliar patient situations and some..."strong personalities" in a few of my coworkers. In the span of a few weeks, I was quickly beaten down in my confidence and doubting my abilities. Almost all of the nurses had worked there since they were new grads, so an experienced new nurse was someone they didn't know how to handle and didn't know if or how to trust or respect my own knowledge and experiences.

In addition to all that drama, which I was disheartened about but slowly overcoming, I started to realize that maybe I just plain don't like this new specialty very well.

Since being off orientation, I've gotten to know my coworkers better, and I really like the majority of them. I'm learning a lot of new things and noticing a few aspects that I enjoy. However, I have a lot of little red flags that make me wonder if I made a mistake coming here.

Overall, I have noticed that just because I CAN do a job, doesn't mean I WANT to. I am well qualified, and I COULD mentally and physically do just about any nursing job...but if my heart isn't in it, why would I?

The situation has devolved to where I am actually depressed. I have started taking a low-dose SSRI. There are days when I'm walking in to work and fighting the overwhelming urge to turn around and leave. Things that used to spark that passion in me feel dead now - I have NO desire to go back to school, study, or go above and beyond my learning as I once did. Goals that I once thought were my life's calling seem uninteresting now. I am more physically exhausted after 3 night shifts than I think I have ever been (and I've worked nights for most of my career). Days off feel like I am back to living my "real life", and I often cry before heading back to work for the week. I do not feel that sense of ownership and loyalty that I have to my past units.

My husband and I have talked about starting a family soon, and I cannot imagine working the way I do now AND being pregnant or having a young child. I know I would quickly lose my mind that way, and this is just not healthy. My husband is supportive and wants me to do whatever I think is best, but at this point my choice feels like family/personal life vs. work life.

Do I "stick it out"? "Give it time" and other phrases we tend to tell brand new grads who "just need to get used to it"?

I really don't want to leave my new coworkers or my severely understaffed unit in the lurch, or be seen as someone who job hops or gives up too easily. Sure, we all have growing pains and intense units are tough to get used to....but at what point do I say that this is not a good fit for me?

[czg77]

I have been working in an ICU for the past 10 years and within the first 6 months I felt the way you do now. I was so depressed. Everyone dies a terrible death, families continue futile care, we preform surgeries/procedures on patients that should be a DNR. I like to think I am pretty good at my job. I can keep a person alive who has their lungs, kidneys and heart on the side of the bed. But I know that the person is going to die. At first it was exciting to have that power, now I just wonder why am I doing this?

I love the people I work with. I love my job when you get a save or when I finally get to be there when the family is ready to let them go. I hate everything else.

After doing this for 10 years, I know that I am in love with my title. I never thought I would be smart enough to work in an ICU, and now I am respected by surgeons, doctors and nurses. It's actually not worth it. Part of me wants to get out of nursing altogether.

My suggestion for you is to get out. BE HAPPY !!!! I watch people die all the time and I know life is short. Do something that makes you happy !!!!

[labdad1234RN]

My sympathies. I have recently moved to another position and this was a major changes that I had to adjust to. Changing and moving to another position has it's inherent risks especially if you already are and established and experienced nurse. Some changes can be good, others not so good. But we all somehow adapt and adjust to the situations set before us. I was lucky because I actually am enjoying my new role after going through some "withdrawal" from my previous unit. I liken it to leaving home and family and venturing out on your own. It is hard to leave the comfortable and the familiar. It is difficult to leave the place where you are most appreciated and you know everyone is supportive. I loved being there but I saw and opportunity to advance and use my other skill sets with the new job.

It really depends on what you prioritize. there are places that are wonderful to work in but others are a little more challenging. If you are beginning to have physical symptoms because of your work situation, then it would be best to begin searching for another place to work. Do what makes your career and your self the happiest. there will be that nursing job that you will enjoy again. OR you can stick it out in your current job and make some adjustments to make the job "your own" and get the R-E-S-P-E--C-T of your peers. It's really all up to you.

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[Marshall1]

Sounds like you have already answered your own question..which is to get out...a few days of "misery" on a job is not a big deal, but when everything "in" you is telling you - physically/emotionally/mentally that what you are doing is not working then it's time to listen to your gut & go. Life is too short.

I understand completely what you mean about just because you can do a job doesn't mean you would want to..I have had a lot of people in the past urge me into management - which I went into & hated it - I hated the travel, the constant meetings, having to deal with issues when off, etc. Some nurses would thrive on that, love the money, etc but for me personally, time is more important than money. Yes, I need to pay my bills etc. but like you I know what fits & what doesn't. You do not need to feel guilty about this situation not working out, you tried, you learned, time to move on. I disagree w/those who give the advice that someone should hang on to a job for the "magic year" mark - it doesn't take that long to determine if a place is a fit or not & there is no sense in wasting time if there are other options - what is one person's nightmare job is another person's dream job - so let someone else have it & you go find yours. Good luck.