Need help deciding what I want to do

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I am a new nurse, about a few months. I currently work with an agency to go to different skilled nursing facilities, so majority of my patients are elderly. I don't mind the geriatric population because I do not prefer pediatrics or neonates. Currently my schedule is flexible, meaning I work when I want. It's nice, but I want to work somewhere I want to go into work. I used want to work ER or ICU or OR, but as I went through nursing school, I felt like maybe I did not have the mental capacity to be a nurse. I failed a course, almost failed another course, only ace the easy course, most final grades were Cs, never passed any of the specific HESIs with an 850, took the exit HESI 5 times before passing, and passed NCLEX after the third time. So you can kind of see how discouraged I am. I understand learning is hands-on, but I feel like I barely retained the basics. I used to love the idea of working in a fast pace or even with skilled patient, especially as a CNA. But with new these responsibilities, I don't think I can handle them. I feel like I'm losing my drive to be a nurse when I barely started and worked so hard for my degree. How do I over come this? Where should I start? Should I go to med-surg? Don't get me wrong. I still love helping and caring for patients, but I think it's the environment that makes my heart not into it. I keep looking for jobs and specialties, but either nothing interest me or it's not available. Maybe if I can have some suggestions and descriptions because Google job descriptions are very generic and unappealing. 

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Specializes in retired LTC.

What I see is you just 'bouncing around' facility to facility as an agency float. Like you've NO vested interest in any one position. Have you found any one particular place that you seem to really like - as in the workload, the pts, the other working staff? Check if your current agency contract has a 'no compete' clause as you might just want to 'settle down' for a while in a better facility. Maybe just 6 months can help you start.

You'll start to develop 'roots' which can help you feel more 'attached' or 'connected' with your job. It should start to feel like 'something MORE' for your educational, professional & personal growth. There's a lot to be said for that 'connection'. And you share only just as much as you want to - no need to be all 'touchy/feely'. 

You come across as still having that nec commitment to nsg, just in need of some grounding that was missed right off the start in your career.

Just my observation. Hope things work out for you.

Welcome to Allnurses.  Check back when you find your niche. I believe it will happen. Good luck.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

First off stop seeing your education experience as a hindrance. You did pass the NCLEX therefor you were smart enough to do so. Put the rest behind you where it belongs. 

Agency work is a difficult beast even for an experienced nurse. You have been able to jump into different facilities with minimal orientation and survive so I believe you are tougher/smarter than you think you are. 

Maybe if your agency also contracts with acute care facilities you can take a short term contract at one to get your toes wet to see if you even like it before you start applying to full time positions?  Or if you have found one or two particular facilities you've been in to be somewhere you might like full time talk to the DON about a permanent position.  If they are utilizing agency nurses it's pretty obvious they should have a regular staff opening.  

Like amoLucia said above you might find you are more grounded in your career when you have one job where you can settle in a bit and feel more connected with the staff and employer.

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Specializes in retired LTC.

FTR - it is poss for a facility to 'buy out' an agency nurse's contract for some kind of fee. Turned out to be a 'win-win' for the nurse & the facility because the nurse was already familiar with most of the facility's P&P and R&R. So a mini-mini orientation could be arranged as the nurse was already up & ready to hit the floor.

OP - if there is one particular facility that 'feels good' to you and is hiring, you might want to approach the DON re a hire. Just a thought. I think it would be to your best interest to 'settle down'

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