need feedback regarding a topic of my scholarship application essay, please!

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Specializes in ICU, hospice, MS/tele, ED, corrections.

Hello,

I am in the midst of writing an essay to apply for a scholarship at the University of New Mexico's BSN nursing program, and I want to write about my childhood a bit. Here goes (some factoids and then I'll comment on why I want to include them) ~

  • I was adopted at age 7 y.o.
  • My birthmother was (is) schizophrenic (untreated) and abused drugs, and as a result had no mothering capabilities.
  • My birthfather abused drugs and alcohol and was extremely unreliable and a con artist.
  • I was in several placements, including foster homes and extended family.
  • Due to my birth parents' problems, I was severely neglected while in their care.
  • My adoptive father was an alcoholic and he abandoned us when I was around 15 - he had moved out 5 years before, though, as my parents (adoptive) were separated.
  • At 14 I developed an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia), the medical costs of which caused my mom to declare bankruptcy.
  • At 16, I was again placed into foster care as my mom, being a single parent, could not...I don't know how to say it...it was a mutual decision, as I felt I could not get better if I stayed at home and my poor mom had done all she could.
  • At 18, when I somehow graduated from HS, I was forced to move into a shelter in the city, which meant moving again and getting a new job (I had worked my way through HS on top of the "full time" job of having an eating d/o).
  • I gained recovery from my eating d/o at age 23 1/2 (I'm now 34), and since then have worked through the emotional issues that were being covered up by the eating d/o.

Of course, I am not planning to include all the above! I'm just thinking, that while some people may have had all these achievements in HS and college, like getting awards, being in clubs and getting 4.0's, much of my achievement in life has been the personal struggles I have overcome. I do have a good GPA, and I have a great work resume, volunteer experience, and put myself through college and stuff...

If I include some of the above information, with the emphasis on what kind of person I have become as a result (very strong, empathetic, and compassionate), would that be appropriate? I plan to include important examples from my adult life that have influenced my decision to become a nurse.

I hope this entry doesn't seem too weird to folks - I really appreciate any honest, but thoughtful and caring feedback you may have!

:heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat

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Specializes in Gastroenterology.

Hey Papillonailes,

First off, congrats on overcoming your past and becoming the successful and healthy person that it sounds like you are today. That is no easy feat.

Also, just a question, what does the scholarship ask you to talk about in your essay?

I think that if it asks you to talk about your achievements, why you want to be a nurse and who you are, then it is great to include some details from your childhood and adolescence. I would make sure though to include the part about why you are mentioning all of it. That it's not that you are looking for a sympathy scholarship, but because the process of overcoming all of that is one of your greatest achievements in itself. I think you put it best yourself by saying that for someone from a supportive family success can be measured in awards and 4.0 GPAs, but that for you to graduate from high school at all given what sounds like a chaotic family life is as great of a success.

I might be cautious though in how you deal with your history of eating disorders and anorexia. While it sounds like this is well in the past for you and I'm sure has made you a more empathetic person, you want to make they understand that you are mentally stable now. Maybe mentioning a challenging or stressful situation that you have been in since then and dealt with well would give you a little extra support. Just to make sure they know that you are up for a challenge now and won't bail out on them halfway through. I was in counseling for depression years ago and then applied for a job working in Japan. To support my application I included a letter from my counselor saying that I was "recovered" and would be fine dealing with the stress of living abroad, etc. I don't know that you would need to go as far as that, but it's an idea.

Good Luck!

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Specializes in ICU, hospice, MS/tele, ED, corrections.

Thankyou, ExpatHopeful, for your input. Like you spoke about, I definitely don't want anything I share to be about eliciting sympathy. Maybe I could share about my experience as a chemical dependency counselor, which was a very stressful and demanding career. I worked with youth (many of whom were dually diagnosed) in an inpatient setting for three years, and worked with adults for several months who had severe, chronic addiction and many also had significant mental health problems that were untreated due to lack of community resources and their self-neglect (secondary to MH issues, addiction, poverty). I did very well in that field, though left it to pursue nursing more seriously. My own recovery was a strength in that field (even though I never did drugs or abused alcohol - I could nonetheless empathize with my patients).

Maybe I don't even need to "go there" about my own childhood. Sometimes I feel inadequate because of things I said in my first post (ie: graduating HS being a major accomplishment, considering the circumstances) which is one of the reasons I thought of talking about that stuff in the first place.

I wish other people would share about what they've done, because sometimes when you've had a difficult past, you feel like you're unique and believe me that is not a comforting place to be! I know that I am not unique...I guess I just wish I could hear from others so that I can feel what I know to be true.

Well, God bless, and thank you again for your advice. :redpinkhe

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Specializes in ER, ICU, Medsurg.

Papillion...I really have no further advice than what Expat has said. They offered very good advice. But I did want to add that I enjoyed reading your post and congratulations to you for overcoming such a challenging childhood. You can hear confidence and well-deserved pride in your words and I commend you for that. I doubt that whatever you decide to write will convey "sympathy" scholarship as it is very obvious you have grounded yourself. Kudos to you!!!! You go girl!!! and good luck

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Specializes in ICU, hospice, MS/tele, ED, corrections.

Well I guess I have finally figured out how I want to write my essay, for which the instructions state:

"A one page statement expressing your educational goals, personal philosophy and motivation for applying for a scholarship."

I got to thinking about my personal philosophy, and realized that I feel rather passionate about it, so I was able to focus more on what the instructions said...

Thank you both for your feedback, because it helped to steer me in the right direction. If anyone would like to review what I have written, I will email it to you - I don't want to post it b/c of risk of it being plagarized.

:typing

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Specializes in Gastroenterology.

Glad to hear that you are coming along on your essay. I'm sure that it'll be great beacuse it sounds like you've had a lot of great experiences doing your counseling work and have given a lot of thought to why you want to be a nurse.

You are definitely not alone in working through a difficult past and you're right that people should talk about it more to encourage others who are in the same boat. But at some point you also have the choice to leave your past behind you and feel proud of successes that are every bit as good as someone else's and that don't have to be qualified by your childhood. I don't know if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is that you have the choice of whether to mention your childhood or not and that if you decide not to mention it I think that you will still come across as a professional, successful person who will make a great nurse someday.

Let us know if you get your scholarship in the end!

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Specializes in ICU, hospice, MS/tele, ED, corrections.
I don't know if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is that you have the choice of whether to mention your childhood or not and that if you decide not to mention it I think that you will still come across as a professional, successful person who will make a great nurse someday.

Let us know if you get your scholarship in the end!

Yes, I think I understand....thankyou, it's truly good to hear that.

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