Need some advice, do I keep going?

Laurie888 · Jun 23, 2005

If what you want is to be there for your wife, then you owe it to her to be ALL there. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, that's the #1 lesson in nursing.

The nice thing about Excelsior is you can take your time with these tests. Study when you can, take your exams when you're ready, and move on. When you are needed elsewhere you can take a break.

I've had some yucky life circumstances dumped in my lap postponing progress for as long as a year, once registering with Excelsior, and for longer than that before formally signing up. Since signing two years ago I've had a son in a mental hospital diagnosed with bipolar (very high mortality rate), that delayed me a year -- my father died and then in the last 7 months my mom has been diagnosed with two separate and unrelated high mortality rate cancers (caught both very early) and that's just the tip of the iceberg. But all I have left now is my CPNE and one non-nursing exam. If I hadn't kept plugging I never would have gotten there, and the same goes for you.

You may think you won't resent it, but somewhere inside you will, and your wife won't be too happy seeing you put your whole life on the sidelines either.

Go for it, and don't stress if it takes too long because even if it takes a while (I'm 48 and many years out of nursing school) when you are done you will be glad you didn't quit.

Hi All-
I really enjoy these forums so maybe you can help me with a tough decision.
I was working on my ADN through Excelsior and just finished my last pre-req course and had ordered my Nursing books. A few days after they arrived, My wife was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. My world is in a tailspin, so I sent all of my books back, vowing to just be there for my wife.
What I have now found out about 2 months later is that I actually really miss studying :uhoh21:
I really enjoyed working towards my degree and my goal of working at a level 1 trauma center.
I am continuing to be there for my wife but I wondered if it is selfish to re-order my books and to keep plugging away.
My wife is all for me getting my RN,
Let me know what you all think.
Thanks

fry.girl · Jun 23, 2005

Firemedic7,

I think you need to follow your heart about continuing school. You can provide your wife the support she needs and still continue to live life and fulfill dreams without leaving her behind or being selfish.

Many years ago, my husband was diagnosed with aplastic anemia. He was extemely demanding of my attention and I still ended up with lots of time spent sitting around feeling sorry for both of us. I became very depressed and put on quite a bit of weight. If I had known then that there were programs like DCN or Excelsior, etc. I would have jumped on it. The positive distraction would have helped immensely, when I was feeling hopeless.

Now that my husband is better and I have gotten motivated about school I feel like I am getting myself back. Fortunately, like you, I have a spouse that loves the idea of me going to school. So I kick myself about once a month for all the years I wasted, thinking that our lives had to stop...now we both try to live life to the fullest, because we don't want to waste a moment of the time we have worrying or pittying ourselves.

Another thing to consider is that if your wife wants you to go to school and you decide to stop on her account, she may get down on herself...perhaps start feeling guilty that she caused you to have to throw off your goal.

I hope this is helpful and best wishes to you and your wife.

Cheri :)

Nathalie · Jun 23, 2005

You need to follow your heart. My brother at the age of 16 was diagnosed with non-hodgkins T- cell lymphoma acute Leukemia. you do need tho' to spend alot of time with her. My brother would tell us that sometimes if it wasnt for us, he would have given up on himself a long time ago. Sometimes its not all about the chemo. its about moral support too. and your wife will need alot of that. My brother eventually passed away from his cancer, but ill tell you it wasnt because he did not have us around. His cancer turned for thre worse, tumors were taking over his body. My bone marrow that i gave him only worked for a little while. If you feel like you can handle both being there for your wife and study at the same time than go for it. If not, I would be with her because God bless her but you never know how shes gonig to feel tomorrow. Your wife is one in a million to you, that is why you married her. The books arent going to go anywhere. Talk to her, let her know whats going on and see how she feels about it. If you think that its better not to than youll just have to decide on your own. Best of Luck to you. God bless the both of you

Firemedic7 · Jun 24, 2005

:) Thank you all SO much for the excellent advice. I have alot of praying to do, but I think as long as I can be there for her I really want to do this

Thank you all

God Bless

QuickExams · Jun 26, 2005

Are you currently working as a medic? If so, do you have downtime that you can use for studying (time that is already being spent away from your wife).

There are a couple of points to consider. First of all, you can not focus 24/7 on her disease. It won't be healthy for you or her. So, pursuing your own individual goals may keep one or both of you from feeling deprived or burdensome. Same for your wife, encourage any goals she has. She does not have to put everything on hold because of illness - she just has to make reasonable accomodations and be realistic. But, encourage her to have goals too . . . and not just to make her appointments with healthcare.

Another point to consider is that scheduling for RNs can be very flexible. I don't know what her prognosis is, but spending a little bit of time away now could mean that you will be able to be there for her later. Some very flexible areas of nursing are home health, agency, PRN pools, etc.

Third point to consider . . . you won't have to work as many hours to make what you're making now. So, once again . . . some time away from her now may mean that you'll have more time with her down the road.

A bunch of this is dependent on what her prognosis is. I won't pry about that, but obviously some of what I've said will not apply if her prognosis is very poor. If that is the case, then I would just say be with her every moment you can.

That's just my opinion, and personal experience. You'll see the answer that sounds right to you - I wish you all the best.