NCLEX-Ughhh!!!

I graduated in May, took my NCLEX yesterday. Of course, a Friday. It wa how I had to do things. I've been doing questions since graduation. I've also been working full time. It's been hard to find a balance but I've managed to get almost 2500 questions done in a little less than a month. I've been sure to schedule in a little relaxation as well. Trying to keep it all balanced.

The week leading up, I really hit the questions hard. I had finished my Saunders and Kaplan books, had done a ton of questions with lippencott pass point. I did Saunders online. The weekend before I bought UWorld and focused on that with Passpoint. I felt like I was scoring too high on Saunders and Passpoint. My mastery level was a 7.5/8 on Passpoint and I was scoring over 75% on Saunders. With Uworld I started in the 50% range and by the day before I only did one test early and hit a 62% which was by far my best. I stopped all questions 24 hours beforehand. I tried to relax. My test wasn't until 2pm. I pulled up to the testing center at 12:15 shaking. I was shaking. I wanted to straighten out a few things in my head going in. I was trying to anticipate everything. I have never been that scared for a dang test my entire life. I love my job. I want to keep it!!!

I got into the testing center by 1:05. I started testing at 1:15. I couldn't believe I got in so quickly. I told myself to take it slow and read every question. That was my biggest weakness studying. I wasn't fully reading the question. Then I would read the rationales and would realize, Oh, I know that!! I read the question wrong. I made sure to carefully read each question.

And to be honest at this point, that test is an entire blur. I know as I got farther along in the test, I felt I was sucking. I was sure my test would go over 100 questions. I thought I may possibly get all and its ok. It meant more opportunities to be able to prove my competency and pass. Does that sound weird? I didn't want it to shut off at 75. I was being thrown the craziest questions with all these answers that sounded similar.

I ended up having to sit behind this pole. The guy couldn't see me very well and he pointed that out to me ahead of time. It freaked me out that any movement I made would be interpreted as I was doing something wrong. I was very conscious of that. Don't ask me why. But it was just in my mind the whole time.

At some point, I stopped looking at what number I was on. I'm here for the long haul I said to myself. These questions had nothing to do with what I learned I nursing school, or what I studied. That's what I was thinking and I have no idea what style they were because my mind is mush right now. I just felt I was not getting very many right.

Then, the machine shut off at 75. That screen went blue and I wanted to yell, NOOOOO!! Please 10 more questions!! I'll prove I'm competent. I promise I know this!!! I walked out shaking as I did going in. I had a 25 minutes drive home and I cried the whole way. I cried up until about 7:30 last night. I never in a million years expected to feel that way about it shutting off at 75. I expected that if it shut off at 75, I would feel ok about passing. That if it got over 100, not so much. Now, it's the opposite. I asked myself what more I could have done? Of course there is always more you can do, but how do you balance? How do you balance work, family, studying, and any kind of free time? I had to give up exercise , and my body shows it. I gave up a lot of sleep this past week, but made sure I got my 8 hours the night before. I just feel like it was all a sham. Lol. I really felt unprepared taking it.

I don't know if I passed or failed. I don't feel one way or the other. I've leaned on several of my classmates and they have been awesome. Some have taken and some have not. But truly, your family doesn't get it. Only those who have already or are going through it get it.

I don't know what it means if I failed. For my job, my confidence, my future studying... I wouldn't know where to even begin to study. I can't reveal any of the content, but they called things differently on there. And I had know idea if that was what they were talking about or if it was different. If the terminology is different then nursing school and every other study material out there, how do you prep for that? How do prep for certain things that are not relevant now, so you weren't taught and it's not in Kaplan, Saunders, ATI, Passpoint, or UWorld?

I don't have any advice to offer. I do know that if I passed, I will know it due to great guessing and not knowledge. But I do know that if I passed, I know I have the basic knowledge and this test did not test that. So, I feel I will be a good entry-level nurse who does know safety and infection control. And if I did fail, I'm going to really scrutinize that report and go from there.

Thanks for reading my book!! I needed to vent.