NCBON voluntary surrender

2 years ago I voluntarily surrendered my license after being questioned about the death of a patient and controlled substances. I was not diverting. I had just gotten out of a very abusive relationship, which I was nearly killed in. I had lost my previous job because of an issue with a doctor order but was eligible for rehire after a year, so I decided to travel. I was at a point in my life where I didn't really care..I was simply there to try to keep my head above water and not providing the nursing care I was capable of. I didn't sign off meds, I violated the BON laws in many ways because I just didn't care. I was a danger to myself as well as others. I was losing my house and everything else. I have been in therapy for some time and feel that I am ready to enter back into the nursing field after my breakdown. I have received my paperwork, but have several friends that have been in trouble with the BON and have been shot down or trouble with finding jobs. I never diverted or tested positive for any controlled substances. I just feel that this is what the BON will look at and feel that in my situation at the time I was a prime candidate to use. I have all my paperwork from therapy and court documents and all kinds of other things to prove this and my severe depression with PTSD. I guess my worst fear is having my license renewed but with restrictions that will keep me from getting a job. I am a single mother and am struggling now as it is. I have put off reinstating my license due to finances...Anyone please feel free to give me some advice.