Narcotic restriction being lifted

[Nursrcy00901]

Hello,

I am at the point in my monitoring where I can have my narcotic restriction lifted. It's up to me if I want to request it. I work in a hospital where having it lifted will be helpful, and I have a year of sobriety. 
 

my question is- when you first had it lifted, was there anxiety surrounding it? I was told I can request some sort of medication to help with triggers or cravings during this transition- but I don't have any cravings and I haven't been triggered. In fact, when I first started recovery I had no cravings and needed no medical assistance to stop them due to not using enough. I actually don't have anxiety around it and wondering if I should? The reason I used medication to self numb has been worked through in therapy, I go to meetings weekly, and I'm open and honest with my manager and monitors about my feelings. I have over a year of sobriety and feel stronger than I have my whole life mentally, physically and emotionally. I don't want the BON to think I'm requesting to be able to have access again to divert and use, that's probably my only anxiety regarding getting access. I do think it's important to gain access to show the BON and my employer that I am trustworthy and capable of working as a nurse with the full scope of my license. 
 

any experiences and thoughts would be appreciated. 

[SheelaDavis]

Here is how I reasoned at 1 year in which I accepted my narc key back.

1. Have I been strong in recovery and participated with meetings, therapy, etc? Yes.

2. Am I going to practice as a nurse for the rest of my career without narc privileges? The answer is No. Not possible. Times change, jobs change, relationshios change, people move. Not having narc privileges is also a restriction or encumbrence. I don't want that career wise. Would I lose potential great jobs in the future with a narc restriction? Yes, I likely would.

3. I have to go through an emotional time when I get my narc keys back. That time can be now, 3 years, 5 years, or 10 years, but there is no avoiding it. Get it over with. Waiting 2 or 3 or 5 years is Not going to remove the emotional investment/task that needs completed. Go through it at 1 year. Complete the task and get it over with.

4. The brain is forever changed when one crosses the threshold of addiction. It doesn't go away at 2 or 4 or 10 years of sobriety. The disease is always there. Waiting until 2, or 4, or 10 years to get narc keys back doesn't add a benefit regarding risk for relapse. As a matter of fact, I would argue that statistically, the one year mark is beneficial and preferred and protects you More compared to 3 or 5 or 7 years. You are new to recovery, motivated, you know about relapse, you firmly believe you have a disease. You go to meetings. 1 year is the perfect time to get keys back. Your PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) is completed at 1 year. After 3 or 5 or 7 years of sobriety, many addicts revert to believing the lie and convince themselves it really isn't a problem because after all, 3 or 5 or 7 years have passed, so "Surely it was just a one time moment in the past." That thinking is dangerous and more likely yp occur years doen the road, not at 1 year. Fact is, you are Better Off and statistically less likely to use, divert, relapse when getting key privileges back at 1 year compared to getting them back at 2, or 3, or 5, or 7 years.

5. Yes, it was emotional for me, but I had no cravings. I actually had anger. Anger at the narcs for temporarily ruining my life. Obviously, narcs are not "alive" and I temporarily ruined my own life, but I found myself Not having cravings, but actually sickened and angry with narcs. Those emotions lasted 3 days and that was it. It became routine. I knew I could lean on my recovery.

6. Get your keys back. Dive in. Take on the task. Complete it. Lean on your recovery and if I were you, increase your recovery meetings 3 weeks before and 3 weeks after you get your keys back.

You got this!