My worst nightmare came true

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Specializes in Hospice.

on my journey through prerequs and admissions, i always had a gnawing concern. i always thought that this whole nursing dream was too good to be true. just as i suspected a bomb dropped on my life and i did not start nursing school this spring semester. the day everyone started and the day of orientation i cried my eyes out. i haven't even been able to visit allnurses because it depressed me too much.

as some of you may recall my then boyfriend had lost his job, in the software industry (software for auto dealerships!) back in december. it was a huge blow but i just knew we'd get through and keep trucking along. we lived in orlado, he has a college degree from uf and is super smart so who would have thought he would go almost a half of a year before securig employment again? well, things got more and more stressed. we were both in school full time, he paid out of pocket for his. i also have two kids 8 and almost 12. needless to say our relationship became very strained. we had been together for 4 years and i missed home and family back in sc. everything all together at once just imploded and i found myself packing my kids and moving back to sc to be on my own. during this time my orientation came up, talk about pain!

so a month went by where i barely spoke to my ex, ben. it was so hard, but i made a decision and i was going to stick to it. there were obviously other issues that i will not state here because they are very private, just know everything was compounded by him losing his job. i started smoking also and was down from 122 lbs to 105. i had stopped smoking when ben and i got together (best decision i ever made!). so i actually started to realize being home wasnt all it was cracked up to be. my sister and i got a place together but she stopped working and i had to pull all the weight, i even paid her car insurance which was behind 300 bucks. when i say i paid for everything i mean everything for her and her son. so curretly she owes me around $1000 which i know i will never ever see again. so i realized being close to my sisters kinda wasnt the same as oly seeing them once a year and things got strained.

one night ben and i started im'ing then talked on the phone. i heard our dog scrappy bark in the background and went to pieces. how weird is that? i forgot to mention ben called my daughter every single day so he knew exactly what was going on with me. especially the smoking because my daughter was none too thrilled. so back to the story. we decided at about 2:30 am that we would meet up the next day in jacksonville and stay at the mariott. just so we could go to dinner and talk, we had been best friends for 4 years. at this point though we thought too much had happened for us to get back together. we thought it would be harmless.

when i saw him pull into the burger king where i was waiting on him my whole body just went numb, i started smiling so much i couldn't keep a straight face. i ran to him and swirled me around like a movie and we just hugged forever it felt like. we had a great time that weekend and spent time at the beach which we had never done before. we talked alot.

which brings us to today. a few weeks later he proposed, moved to sc, and within a week of being here landed a new job! we are renting a lovely townhome in a great neighborhood. the kids are happy we are all where we should be and i am looking forward to writing my name followed by rn one day...............there's just one thing

i am no longer in a nursing school! with all that happened i have been laying low with the nursing stuff. i know i cant go to school til spring 2010. it made me so upset that i just haven't touched it. which is sad because like most of you it is my future, my passion and my new lease on life (money wise). i went to an open house at tcl which is the tech college of the low country in beaufort. i have purchased my teas study guide, stinks cause i did so well on the net. i just haven"t really done anything else. i haven't even finished unpacking the house yet. sure most is done but there's still alot more. i really think i have gotten a case of the blues. i have been sleeping too much since ben started work. i think i am just sad that my life is essentially on hold right now. i decided to write my thoughts here because i haven't expressed them anywhere else not even to my fiance. i think this will motivate me, just coming here to allnurses again. i am so glad to be back, world watch out!

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Specializes in Telemetry.

Welcome back! You still have a chance to achieve your dream. Never, ever, allow your dream to be a distant memory. God will give you another chance just like what he gave to me. Take your time and make sure you plan your next move. nursing college can be very stressful, and so you have to communicate that to your family. You will not have time to do the things that you usually do for fun. In the end, it will all be worth the pain. Keep your head above the aters and please do not look back.

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How do you feel your life has been put on hold? Is it because of "Ben"?

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Hey girl! I am so glad to see you are back in action and I was wondering how you were doing. I am so thrilled for you and Ben:dncgbby:! Keep your dreams alive and I am quite sure they wil come true :ancong!:

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Specializes in Hospice.
How do you feel your life has been put on hold? Is it because of "Ben"?

Oh absolutely not! Though he had a hand in my moving away, I made that ultimate decision with him begging me not to. I do feel like it's on hold but oly due to myself. I will also say however that Ben had always refused to move away from Florida. So I would have never lived near my family again. When I moved he rethought that decision. So I can say that good things did come out of my moving.

I didnt even mention that my ex husband and his girlfriend, along with my childrens paternal grandparents live just 25 miles away. So my kids are beyond happy that we are here, Ben actually found a job (after struggling in Orlando for almost 6 months and only getting 2 interviews), and though my relationship is strained with my sister (though she is oblivious to her because I guess it doesnt bother her that she owes me so much money), I do get to see my neices and nephew ALOT now. Also my Mom is right down the road. So even though noone will be volunteering to help with my kids, I have way more support that the NOONE I had in Orlando.

So there are tons of positives. It is just that I MISS so badly Nursing school, and I didnt even start yet! I think about school so much. I have to start clean at Tech College of the Lowcountry and I just pray I get a spot there for next spring. I now have to take the TEAS and it's just sad after I was already there in Orlando, all I had to do was start! I kick myself daily. BUT I also know that good came out of this.

Thanks for the response!

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Specializes in Hospice.
Hey girl! I am so glad to see you are back in action and I was wondering how you were doing. I am so thrilled for you and Ben:dncgbby:! Keep your dreams alive and I am quite sure they wil come true :ancong!:

Thank you so much!

So did you start in May? How is it going for you? I would love to hear all about it. I may go look for your past posts to see whats up with you!

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Specializes in Cath Lab, OR, CPHN/SN, ER.

Glad you're back and things are improving.

Were you able to stop drinking?

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Specializes in Hospice.
Glad you're back and things are improving.

Were you able to stop drinking?

Absolutely. The amount I was drinking equated to alot of peoples weekend drinking It was just for me that was not the norm, I don't really go out drinking or drink at home much. That wasn't hard at all, nor was the smoking, I just stopped! I mean I do still have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but not everynight. I believe the last glass I had was two weeks ago at Outback. I do love a good Shiraz!

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Specializes in Hospice.

My n button is broke

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