My Story, and where I'm at now

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Specializes in diabetic education, dialysis.

Good morning AN Recovery forum!!! I've been thinking about posting this for a long time! You'll never know how much this forum helped me through the last six months of my life. So I'll share my story with you now and maybe you can give me some advice/encouragement about what's coming next. Oh I live in Ohio, if that makes any difference.

I was caught diverting back in April. Honestly, I hadn't been doing it for very long (had surgery back in Feb, so had my own rx for awhile, so probably started in March, caught in April) so I was grateful to get caught before I was too sick to accept the help. I had an inkling that perhaps I wasn't in control (funny statement that, it's totally obvious AFTER the fact, but while I was living it I didn't see it) but was really too afraid to ask for help. I know, right, like it was better to get in TROUBLE than to ask for help? Well that is part of the disease, I think.

My facility was very kind and understanding. I'd been a great employee for about 12 years nearly blemish free, loved by patients, docs, coworkers, decorated with excellence awards, etc. (not bragging, just sayin!) They let me go encouraging me to get help and maybe come back one day. They also did not deny me unemployment benefits, which of course was a lifesaver for me.

Oh, my husband knew NOTHING of what I was doing. NOTHING. So it was a bit of a shock when this all came down. My marriage suffered but thankfully is much stronger today.

I went into psychiatry (I must have been crazy, right?!) but didn't find that to be a great fit for me. The BON, in fact, reccommended me to check out a different treatment center, which turned out to be THE place. The place that would definitely save my life. It took me all summer to get through it, but it was so worth it. I plugged into the AA community, made tons of new friends, got an awesome sponsor, and really am getting connected.

Ughhhh, legally, I've been through the wringer too. I was hoping to get the felony taken off, "intervention in lieu", if you go to treatment, you can get the felony expunged based on that. But I didn't get it! I was sentenced to my state's drug court program (CHANCE) after 52 weeks of perfect compliance, the felony will be sealed. It's pretty intensive and verrrrry strict. But nothing I was humanly unable to do. I'm about 3 months into that program.

With the Board, I got into the Alternative Program. Apparently not everyone gets into Alternative, it was quite an extensive application process with face to face interview, and about half don't qualify for it. But if I stay compliant here for 4 years (with early release in three for perfect compliance and a petition process) this too will be removed from my nursing license, and it'll never show up in the future. I'm all plugged in with FirstLab and have to check in every day, which so far, hasn't been a problem for me.

So while I'm only at the foot of this big mountain, I am hopeful. I know it's alot to do, but it all involves doing the next right thing. and obviously it will all be worth it when it's over, clean slate all around.

OH...and as for going back to work. I was allowed to petition for my license (with restrictions, usually six months) THIS MONTH!!!! Well November technically, but I had to write a letter of petition by the first, my sponsor has to write a letter, they'll review my case and let me know, I could be applying and interviewing THIS MONTH. I only pray that my higher power will help me find the job where I'll need to be. My background is med-surg renal and diabetic ed, so of course hemodialysis is a definite option for me. I also really threw myself into my recovery effort so maybe working in acute drug rehab/chemical dependency in some fashion, or crisis center? I know I don't want anything with narc access. Maybe even office nursing?

So. that's where I'm at in my journey. Has anyone else had to go through their state's drug court program? Ah I'm sure I didn't even say so much, it's hard to tell "your story" and keep it condensed. Just, THANK YOU ALL for being here, posting and "speaking" to me even when I was too ashamed and embarrassed to speak up and tell you what I've been through. This forum has been a source of great comfort to me this past six months. xo Michelle

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Specializes in diabetic education, dialysis.

Ha ha, look at me, replying to my own thread...question...Is your advice not to mention the restrictions against your license at the initial interview? I feel like I won't get far into an interview without it coming up in some way, I have been unemployed for six months after all. And as far as the actual interviews go, I'm not terribly worried, just because I AM confident in my nursing abilities. I AM, and always have been, a really good nurse. I just need to get past this mar on my record. The rest of my history speaks for itself.

Oh and funny story....the drug court program I'm in requires its participants to work full time (or do communtiy service 30hr/week) so I went on a job interview waiting tables at Bob Evans. It was my first interview in 12 years mind you! And oooh, how I peppered all my answers with gush about how AA changed my life, and now that I have God in my life, and working a program of recovery, and blah blah blah. I literally saw the color drain from the interviewer's face. I think all he actually heard from me was the part about how I've been in treatment this summer for drug and alcohol dependence. And it was exactly how I imagined my first nursing interview to go, so glad I made that mistake and got it out of the way! I figured working my program would HELP me get a job, not hinder it, but lesson learned.

I also realize that just because this whole thing is the biggest episode in my life, it barely registers a blip on anyone else's radar, and I should just concentrate on getting the job, touting WHY I'm qualified, etc. My interview does not need to be peppered with recovery comments.

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Specializes in diabetic education, dialysis.

Okay, one more post, I'd like to copy the letter I wrote to the board petitioning for my license back. I already mailed it, so I can't do anything about it now, but I would like some constructive criticism if you don't mind. It seems to say what I wanted it to say, but I'm kind of not completely satisfied with it. I've had the flu for a week so my mind was kind of foggy, but please be honest and let me know what you think.

October 27, 2009

Esteemed members of the board:

I am writing this today to petition for the possible return of my nursing license, with restrictions as you may deem necessary.

My name is Mxxxxxxx, I am a 33 year old woman from XXXXX, Ohio. I am a wife of twelve years and a mother of two. I grew up in a small town, the oldest child to a pair of hardworking lower-middle class parents. I only tell you this because addiction has a face, has a special individual story. I don’t think I realized that before, I tended to pre-judge people harshly based on few facts. I never believed that this disease could happen to me. I’ve always been an achiever, driven to be the best, never known as a trouble maker, never one to do the wrong thing. It is not part of my character to hurt others or do the morally wrong thing. I realize that it was my disease that had taken over my life and drove me to make several poor choices that led me down a destructive and very dangerous path.

I was caught diverting medications six months ago, in April 2009. When I lost my career, my license, I felt I had lost a huge part of my identity. Nursing was the one thing I took much pride in, the one thing I knew I was truly good at. But I realize today that I could never have taken care of my patients when I was not taking care of myself. Self loathing, self esteem issues, burnout, fatigue, setting standards I could never live up to, all contributed to the great crash that my life ultimately ended in. I have had a great luxury of the past six months to not work, to take care of myself, to get the help I’ve needed. I entered immediately into treatment and got connected in my local chapter of AA. And my life has changed so much in just six months, all for the better. I am discovering a wonderful relationship with my Higher Power, enhancing relationships with people in my life, and forming new meaningful relationships with sober connections. I have a fantastic sponsor who is guiding me through my 12 step work, and several wonderful meetings I attend regularly. I’ve had tremendous insights as to why I was medicating myself, that I was not living life on life’s terms, and I was not filling my potential, as a nurse or otherwise.

I realize that recovery is a lifelong journey. There is no end, it is a program I will work on for my whole life. I finally feel I am ready to give back, to repay a debt to society, to care for the ill, to help others and serve my Higher Power. I appreciate the board’s tolerance of others with this disease of addiction. I am aware of the warning signs of relapse, I am aware of my own triggers to use or drink, I am working a positive program of recovery and I am ready to move forward with my nursing career. Thank you for considering my application.

MyNameHere

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Sounds to me like you're on a roll! Strong work, indeed. If you'll pardon my copy & paste take on interviewing & disclosure (from a suggestion offered to another recovering nurse), here's my two cents:

The best time to raise the topic of your recovery status and practice restrictions is in the middle to end of the interview. By then you have had ample time to "sell yourself". A statement such as "I'm very interested in joining your organization and feel that I have much to offer.... I want to also inform you of my current participation in the state monitoring program for nurses.... I have been approved to return to work, and my case manager would be glad to give you additional information as well" will introduce the topic for discussion in a positive way.

A manager might cite unfairness to current nursing staff when refusing to hire a nurse with practice restrictions. It may be helpful when discussing restrictions with a potential employer to mention that you have a plan for "Labor Exchange". Generally, that would entail teaming with one or two other nurses at the beginning of the shift to plan the trade of tasks to facilitate administration of your patient's narcotics without overburdening the other team members.

Don't forget the post-interview thank you note. Now go knock their socks off!

I think the suggestion of nondisclosure is in reference to getting through the personnel office. Disclosure should be saved for the interview with a clinical manager.

Smitty

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Specializes in ICU.

the above link goes to a very similar discussion from a few months ago about when to divulge your recovery status. this topic has been discussed here and you might even be able to find another thread besides this one that will help to answer your question.

i still stand by my answers in the above thread. although i am at work right now and can't get deep into the subject, i really just wanted to give you this link, because this is a very important topic. this is something that you need to spend time on figuring out and then practicing your approach

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Specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

Your application will have 2 magic questions you must mark yes and explain. It is sometimes beneficial to go over your answer with a professional coach or you can PM someone you trust for how to answer the magic questions. Some I've heard say "What happened, what I've done about it and what I'll do for you" kinda thing. I've never heard of not telling HR since it's on the application and if you're monitored, it needs to go through HR sometimes to coordinate.

(Only if they are) emphasize your career and recovery are of paramount importance in your life.

Some withhold their explanation for "will discuss in person" and even some HR will throw it in the trash and say "let's leave that explanation out" with just checked boxes...It's all up to the facility.

There are many in management familiar with recovery and vast numbers have been affected by it or are in it.

One story of a nurse's potential boss: "Yeah, my father was an alcoholic and it would be an honor to hire you and rewarding to see what it looks like for someone to succeed at the program...you're always welcome here"!

Uhh that was after a 9th step BTW, not an interview; they got offered a job during their 9th step.

Never underestimate HP. NEVER!

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