i graduated in may and took my nclex for the first time in july. i had all 265 questions and didn't passl i thought i had worked hard and done everything i could. i definitely studied and worked hard. i used saunders for content and also did the kaplan review course. my question trainer scores were between 52 and 58%. i did 50% of the question bank. i had a job lined up as a graduate nurse and was sure i was going to pass. i was planning on moving a week after my boards. i couldn't take that job anymore because i didn't pass. i really thought i had my life figured out-i was going to study, take my boards, pass it and take this job (i was so sure that's what god wanted too). but god had other plans for me and it was hard to accept it at first. this was my journal entry a couple days after i found out my results:
[color=#333333]i worked hard and i prayed...so many people prayed...i guess god's timing is different from mine...i know that he would have helped me pass if he really wanted me to. nothing is difficult or hard for him...he could have but he didn't.
i don't have the missouri job anymore either because of this...i have to wait 45 days to take the boards again. i have peace about all of this. i know that god holds my future in his hands and there must be a purpose for this. i just have no idea what the purpose is....it is hard..not going to lie...but i need to realize that there are lot of good nurses out there that didn't pass the exam the first time. i am realizing how much i had made my plans and was just praying that it would work out the way i planned it...i wanted it so bad that i convinced myself that it is what god wanted as well..but i am realizing how much i don't allow god to have his way in me. it is a humbling experience but i know in my heart that he holds me in the palm of his hands and he will get me through this. the interesting thing is that, the day before i got my results, i just spent the day in prayer and meditation and over and over again, god spoke through his word and through sermons how much we need to give our plans to god's hands and we shouldn't try to control him. the online radio (thanks to pandora) kept playing songs like "i will trust god through the storms", "he gives and takes away"...i would think to myself "hmm...why are these types of songs playing instead of songs like "victory through jesus"..or something. but i guess he was preparing me.
yeah, i was looking forward to moving to springfield, getting out of this area and starting the next chapter of my life..but god is obviously not thinking that....wow being a disciple of christ and following him is not easy. i have always prayed "lord, i am ready to go where you take me, i have no preference, i just want to serve you and be in the center of your will for my life"...but when it comes to reality, it is way harder that just saying it with my lips.
i am so thankful that the god of the universe, of heaven and earth and all of creation cares so much about me and my future that if he doesn't want something, he will not allow it. i guess i have never really had to face trials or challenges or storms in my christian walk with god...but now it is time, i am growing, maturing in him and i thank him for that. i can't imagine having to go through this without knowing that i serve a god who is real, alive, faithful and trustworthy. i am so thankful that he saved me, rescued me and i can count on him always. knowing that being a child of god and being saved and living for him is way more important than passing a test or having a job..puts things in perspective for me. god is still on his throne, he still sees the whole world, he knows all...he has allowed this; there must be a reason and i trust him even if i don't understand what that is right now.
god loves us so much that he sent his son to die for us on the cross, he saved us even when we don't deserve it, he revealed himself to us, even though we didn't do anything to be saved, he hand picked each of us to know him as our savior....when we are that special and precious to him, then why should i let something like a test or job get to me? i need to say that to myself everyday in order to put things into perspective.
Yownyown-I tried to reply to your PM but it says your mailbox is full and you can't receive anymore messages until you clear some space:)
____________________________yeah, i received notification from this site that my inbox is full and i have to delete messages from my inbox...Right now, i deleted some of my message, i think you can now send pm now... (fingerscrossed :) )Again, thank you for sharing your story.
____________________________yeah, i received notification from this site that my inbox is full and i have to delete messages from my inbox...Right now, i deleted some of my message, i think you can now send pm now... (fingerscrossed :) )Again, thank you for sharing your story.
ShalomRN
56 Posts
Yownyown-I tried to reply to your PM but it says your mailbox is full and you can't receive anymore messages until you clear some space:)