Well, I need a little advice/encouragement and I am looking to my fellow Nurses on this forum to possibly lend it:bow:.
I am at the begining of my first year in the field and I am s-c-a-r-e-d . I was just hired on in the MICU/CCU unit and I am wondering if I bit off more than I could chew so-to-speak.
Although, I have previous health care experience--being an ACTUAL RN with SERIOUS responsibilities frightens me--how can I get over this
hump:imbar?
Ive been through 4 years of college, 2 years military (healthcare related) and I STILL dont feel like I know ANYTHING .
Although, Ive been hired to MICU/CCU, Ive been put on a surgical floor temporarily (about 2 months) until the icu consortium starts mid July.
So my question has three parts...What was your first year experience like? Were you confident walking in or did you feel like a total idiot (like myself)? and lastly, How did you overcome the fear and become stronger?
I was given "opportunity" to allow me to "prove them incorrect" on my ability to perform off orientation. But I'd be shadowed by /audited by a "proctor" to micromanage my ability to give safe pt care, timely documentation and completely solo w/ no preceptor. All this after driving 45 mins to get there to my 11PM assigned shift.
I was canned because I lack this self-confidence that everyone seems to say comes with time, but no one wants to acknowledge. This was the only bedside nursing I ever saw myself enjoying. But i've been sick to the point of chest pains, and GI issues over this career that I went in to so late in life.
It was also mentioned in the meeting that I was WRONG to seek answers to my questions until I got the answers I was looking for. I was told that I need to respect my chain of command and not ask anyone else after I got an answer (no matter if it was a half-answer for a more detailed question).
Like yourself I need to know how/why things work before I use them or perform in any way.
It blows my mind that so many nurses know how difficult the nursing learning curve process is, but continue to keep things difficult.
How did I get myself here?
Chloe
RN-BSN, BA
(((((HUGS)))))) Chloe. I wish I had some great words of advice but really I'm faltering on a line of great sadness for you and your situation and great rage to those people that were supposed to orient you and support you as you became a nurse.
All I can do right now is offer you the world of internet support and PM's if you need me.
I've been there and I've done this all Chloe and I've had every ounce of me sucked from a job so I feel your pain, sadness and frustration.
Specializes in Did the job hop, now in MS. Not Bad!!!!!.
(((((HUGS)))))) Chloe. I wish I had some great words of advice but really I'm faltering on a line of great sadness for you and your situation and great rage to those people that were supposed to orient you and support you as you became a nurse.
All I can do right now is offer you the world of internet support and PM's if you need me.
I've been there and I've done this all Chloe and I've had every ounce of me sucked from a job so I feel your pain, sadness and frustration.
((((((HUGS))))) again Chloe!!!!!!
Thanks Mom,
I needed that so badly. Worst part is having to call my realtor tomorrow, 2 weeks away from closing on my very own home to say I need to back out. I mean I have no income. How can I go into a closing with no income? Gawd!!! How did I get here?
Where do I go? I need to find something outside of bedside care that will still compensate me like hospital nursing will. Obviously my confidence is lacking when it comes to life or death situations. I can very well carry on basic healthcare, but if I were alone w/ a woman who hemorrhages, or a baby turns blue and it's just me alone w them...I'm not at all orientated or safe to care for them!
Shouldn't this be what the hospital was supposed to be orienting me on? All they had me do for these past 6+ weeks were to carry a larger patient load. Up to 4 couplets in post partum. That's 8 pts y'all!! All paper charting. In 8 different charts, and more IM's and blood draws than I'd ever done in my life! I think I had to do only 1 IM in all of nursing school.
Chloe, I totally feel for you. While I haven't yet been canned, I'm scared of it everytime I go in to work. I too don't feel prepared to deal with the emergencies of my job, yet I work in an ICU where that's all I deal with. And I actually feel like I'm getting worse with each shift, not better, because I know I'm supposed to be able to handle this, and when I can't, my confidence falls even more. Decreasing confidence=decreasing job performance. I'm looking for something different, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet.
I glad that you haven't yet closed on your house. As hard as it is to call off the settlement, at least you're not risking foreclosure with this turn of events. Good luck.
You need some time to process everything. Give yourself a break...keep busy for afew days doing mindless stuff and take care of yourself and then start looking for anew job. It sounds like they screwed you over and you fell in the crack...you did not say weather you had any warnings or had some goals to be met...that is sad. You need to look fowrd now and move on...that was the past and leave it there. I had some similar experiences and now just recenly accepted a position in another unit and top be starting soon. I had to cry for a couple of days and be angry and rehash all the events over and over. Thank goodness I have a very supportive family and of course All nurses to give me strength.
Yeh it sucks that you can't get the house...but you still have some place to live right? Sometimes it is nice not being a homeowner...kick back, chill and enjoy a cold beverage while someone else cuts your grass and msesses wiht the plumbing etc...
swending you lots of good vibes...good luck......pasha :-)
Specializes in Did the job hop, now in MS. Not Bad!!!!!.
thank you all for your kind remarks and to those of you who have PM'd me w/ your sweet words and advice.
I wish I had taken the name of the nurse who wrote this, so if you are out there and reading this, thank you and you certainly hit the nail on the head w/ this one. I can truly say it's an echo of my own start to nursing. You're sure to recognize such insightful words that I will take with me to my interview next week in LTC. For I have learned the hard way that bedside nursing in a hospital environment as a new grad is just not for me.
I didn't feel as if the training prepared me to take care of that type of patient population, so it was either I stayed and be petrified everyday I stepped foot on the floor (and possibly loosing my license) or walk away. I decided to walk away and I had no problem finding another job
Still struggling, but managed to get more than 4 hours in a row of much needed (albeit in a Benadryl daze) of sleep.
Hugs to you all for getting me through the hard times.
I'm glad things are starting to pick up for you again today. I had no doubt in my mind that things would take a turn for the better for you.
Sometimes in order to see what lies ahead you have to fall REALLY far down. I know when you've reach the end of the rope nothing feels good about it but after some sleep and some insight you can look back at your experience and gain a lot of knowledge about yourself and what YOU need from your next job.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go to your interview next week and show them what a great, compassionate and wonderful person you are. You CAN do this, I know you can.
You've had the worst of the worst of orientations. You now know what you need and want and desire from a job. You have the upper hand on them now!!!!
I wish you all the luck next week and this weekend, enjoy yourself!!! Take a long hot bath, read a good book, surf the net, watch mindless TV. Next week go to that interview and dazzle them with all your inner strength and compassion.
. I was just hired on in the MICU/CCU unit and I am wondering if I bit off more than I could chew so-to-speak.
. 
mom2michael, MSN, RN, NP
1,168 Posts
(((((HUGS)))))) Chloe. I wish I had some great words of advice but really I'm faltering on a line of great sadness for you and your situation and great rage to those people that were supposed to orient you and support you as you became a nurse.
All I can do right now is offer you the world of internet support and PM's if you need me.
I've been there and I've done this all Chloe and I've had every ounce of me sucked from a job so I feel your pain, sadness and frustration.
((((((HUGS))))) again Chloe!!!!!!