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Discussion

Midlife Crisis

Hi there!

I'm about to turn 45 yrs old. I currently work as a DHS in Assisted Living. I have never had a more stressful job. I've been handling everything up until recently (finally have a day nurse who's not me, a scheduler starts today and we finally hired a 16 h/week SDC). We have recert sometime in October.

My staff issues are out of control. My resident population is high acuity (for ALF) and extremely demanding. They complain about bedmaking and I'm just trying to make sure the RAs can give med cues without killing someone (figuratively not literally). I feel frustrated that my value and effectiveness is based on "employee satisfaction surveys". I don't know, I think if I'm doing my job mostly right with the motley crew of staff I have to work with, they probably WON'T rate me very highly. I'm in a no-win situation.

My ED is overly involved in my department issues which compounds my stress. Not only do I have to fix the issues but now I have to fix them the way the ED wants me to.

Personally, my life is a mess. My relationship is abusive and ending but not well. He's still living with me. He's been unemployed and I've been carrying the financial alone. My credit is shot, my savings depleted. I was on the verge of being evicted and dodged that but at the cost of literally not having money for anything but rent, utilities and car expenses so I can GET to work.

My kids are either in college or high school and can live full time with my ex if needed.

I cannot resist the desire to jump in my car and drive away from all of this. I want to see if I can buy (finance with my crappy credit, I don't know) and park it somewhere in the woods or near the beach. I want to find a nursing job I can do from home (harder to find than I thought) and just have some quality of life. I have Crohns Disease as well and while I've managed to stay in remission, I don't want to keep pushing.

My diet stinks, I'm too tired to exercise (and I know, too tired not to) but I'm just feeling like I'm failing at life right now. There has to be MORE to this than what I'm living. And looking forward seems so dismal because I will be living hand to landlord until July.

How do people do it? What is wrong with me that I can't seem to manage average levels of stress? I swear, my patience and tolerance is wearing thin and every day I feel like I'll snap and quit but I really don't want to do that. But it's a struggle to fight that everyday.

Thoughts?

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    Thoughts?

    My first thought, is that you have too many things going on at once, and are therefore, overwhelmed.

    I think it might help if you prioritized your situation, the way we do with patient care.

    Safety is number one, so the abusive ex needs to move out NOW.

    Shelter is necessary. Once you deplane the abusive ex, can you work out a payment plan with your landlord?

    If necessary, have the children live with their other parent, so you aren't further stretched, taking care of their needs.

    Unload what you can.

    Work is a separate issue.

    You first need to secure your personal safety, and a roof over your head.

    Best wishes.

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    Take a breath.

    It's easy to see that you're stressed out and overwhelmed. It sounds like you don't have a lot of wiggle room. Anything going forward for a while will seem like an impossible task.

    One thing at a time now. Get rid of the abuser ASAP. If he wont leave, then you should. Quit your apartment and get into a roommate situation or anything else to get out of that if you have to. It'll take a huge weight off your shoulders. Then you can focus on friendships, diet, exercise, work and will be able to figure out and fix your finances.

    Are you able to see a therapist?

    Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

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    First thing you need to do is get rid of your abusive husband.He is an emotional and financial drain...Adios.Next, I would list all the problems I wanted to solve or improve and then make a plan.You must not get overwhelmed by your plan though and remember to just take it one day at a time.You must not let work overwhelm you or it will exacerbate any health conditions you have. Just do your best at work and don't focus on the scores because you can't control it anyway.You will not please everyone.Then slowly make a plan for each problem Diet is easy to fix by making one small change per week.Reasearch how to improve your credit score and make slow changes.It can be done because I did it and now at 763.You have to fix your finances too and start saving even if it's only 20 a pay period vow to start somwhere.All of these things can be fixed and you can do it!

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