Messed up my first job, now what ?

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Specializes in Critical Care.

We'll I'm a new grad (already have my RN since july) and I've been working doing a day shift on a extremely busy cardio-thoracic step down unit (primarily open hearts/ s/p cardiac caths/ablations etc, and any kind of throacotomy) Orientation went fine, and my preceptor was awesome and believed that I was going to be an awesome nurse (and I thought I was too). Now idk if i think that anymore. In short, I'm a **** up. I've failed myself, my preceptor, my parents and everyone in between. When I was first off orientation I made a med error (and I ask if you don't comment on it, I've heard enough about it already and I still feel bad about it). The day shift is extremely fast paced and the acuity of the patients is super high, people are literally in and out in 24 hours. After this error I decided that it would be a good idea to go back on orientation for 2 weeks and recieved a final written warning and my probationary period was extended. I once again did fine with no problems, I ironed out some things that I needed to change and I never made another error. Last week I had a tough assignment and I made contact with a total of 6 patients throughout the day. I had one patient who I had to give a scheduled dose of toradol, it was 12 so i decided to my noon vitals while i was at it. I was literally about to start drawing up the toradol when someone/something pulled me out of the room. I was gone for approx 10-15 min and had left the toradol at the bedside. The patient had even said to me that I looked like I was having a tough day which I agreed with. And then I opened my stupid ass mouth. She asked me about my helicopter i had on my badge and I said that I was hoping to go into the air force and be a flight nurse at some point but that I got into trouble for public urination (stupid me). The next day I came into work to cover someone and I had a meeting with my NM and CC, I was put on investigative suspension. The next day I was called in for another meeting where I was going to be released from the hospital. Instead I resigned in order to save some face in the whole situation. So right now, I have no idea what I'm going to do wit myself. With the way the economy is now I feel like I'll never find a job. And I also feel like I'm going to be 'black balled' by the hospital and that they are gonna screw me over when other places call to ask about me. I was reassured by the union rep that any reference that were to come out of the hospital would be neutral, but idk how much I believe that. And idk why but I'm totally scared that I could lose my license over this. Ive been sick since last week and everytime i eat I wanna vomit. This is awful and I feel awful about everything. I know I shouldnt of said what i said and it was highly and extremely unprofessional on my part. I have no idea what I was thinking. I guess I'm just looking for some words of advice and someone to tell me that everything will be ok, because right now I feel like my world is crashing down and there aint anything i can do to stop it. help, please.

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Specializes in Respiratory, ER, PFT and asthma.

Wow, you've been through the ringer. The med error is a big deal but you did what is required of you and that is that.

As far as the comment that landed you in a meeting with the NM, I'm not sure that is an offense that can get a license pulled. That coupled with the med error may have been enough to jeopardize your job. Where I live, if a nurse or other highly need employee gets fired, they are usually allowed to re apply in one year. I've seen it happen before. The thing is, RNs in today's society are in such demand, you probably can go other places and get a job. I don't mean across the country, across town. The link below is a news story about the government hiring 55,000 nurses and doctors over the next three years. Government work is another topic in its self.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/273000-new-government-jobs-cnnm-3282677853.html?x=0&.v=1

I know it was a blow to your ego and your betting your self up about it but, you are going to be just fine. Trust me.

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From your post and the way you're bashing yourself, I can tell you're into making confessions. I'm not going to address that directly. All I know is you have to view the urge to make confessions as a personal thing, a hobby, and something you just don't do on company time or around coworkers or patients or anything. I'd guess that the info on public urination isn't something your employer could pass on to a prospective employer, so don't you pass it on, either!

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Don't be too hard on yourself. While it is important to learn from your past mistakes, you must not allow these bad experiences to consume you. Perhaps, a pleasant lunch or cup of tea with a good friend will assure you that your self worth has not diminished due to a few mistakes. I don't believe your license is in any immediate danger either, as public urination is not directly related to your practice (I don't know about the US, though...)

When you feel you are ready, go apply for a few jobs. Do yourself a favor by not dwelling in the past. These are things you must learn from, not things you announce to the world. ;)

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Thank you all for the good advice. I really needed it. Ya know I never thought that this was going to be as hard as it is. Everyone says to me (when they find out i'm an EMT) that being an EMT is hard. I say **** man you have no idea what it's like to be a nurse. Give me the most critical patient/traumatic arrest/code in the field any day and it's still easier than being a nurse. I have a problem with not asking for help, idk what it is. I'm pretty sure it stems from my childhood and not ever asking for help for anything. I'd sometimes rather fail on my own than ask for help.

I also think that the reason I made these mistakes and opened my mouth when I shouldn't have is because of my awful ADHD. I really hate to make excuses for myself and hide behind something like that but its extremely distressing because I know that if I sloooooowwwwed down just a bit i probably wouldn't of missed somethings. I mean when I used to come home after work I could barely remember what I had for lunch, let alone what I did for my patients. And once I was able to sit down and relax all the things that I SHOULD HAVE DONE/SAID in report come to me and I feel like a complete moron because they are sometimes so simple, but i feel like my brain is just racing and i can't slow it down. Its funny cuz I usually thrive in fast-paced environments but I've failed miserably and it pretty hard to swallow at this point.

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Specializes in Med-Tele, Internal Med PCU.

Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I essentially failed my orientation in the ED. I too have always thrived in fast paced environments, but for whatever reason (too much too soon?) I felt I wasn't retaining the lessons as did the NM.

Just as you have voiced, I feel that even though it is illegal for a previous employer to give a negative recommendation, the unspoken can say volumes to potential employers.

Then there is the issue of so few new grad opportunities, my question is how do HR folks and managers view New Grads in this perdicament? I am approaching 2 months since my resignation and have yet to even get an interview. I have come to the reality that relocation may be my best bet in getting a fresh start.

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Specializes in ccu cardiovascular.

You've learned a hard lesson. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ANYMORE! What is done is done. Pull up your boot straps and get job hunting. I honestly would not use them as a reference, you really were not there long enough to count them as one. We've all made med mistakes and now you know to draw up meds in the medroom not at bedside and never leave a med out of your possession. We've all done stupid stuff in our personal life when we were younger. I really don't think you did anything that would take your license, the hospital also does not want to proclaim something like this. I've seen nurses fired for various reasons that should have been reported to the board but they quietly scoot them out of the back door so their ratings don't look bad or they don't get investigated. Good luck to you and you are worthy to still work this field.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

axshusz - did you have prior EMS experience or anything like that ? It's funny because there is this one girl i graduated with who has only been in an ER during her Internship when we were all juniors in college...she's never done EMS or any type of emergency medical anything and she ended up getting a job in an ER and here I am with 8+ years of EMS exeprience and i cant get a job in an ER because everyone wans M/S experience which i think is complete ********. Ok, ok I know people are gonna tell me that M/S is the basis of everything and while I believe it is, I DO NOT believe that everyone needs to start there. I think that there are people who can go into a CCU/ICU or ER and do just fine and I'm sure there are many stories that people could tell me to prove me wrong and thats fine. But no offense I've handled more critical patients in the field than some nurses have handled in an hospital.

rn-jane - Yea this has been quite the learning experience for me. I do beat myself up a lot over it because I expect alot better out of myself. To be honest I really thought that I was going to go into this whole thing and be the best damn grad they ever had. And yea I was, (not to gas myself up butt) my preceptor said I was the smartest new grad she;s ever precepted and that made me feel good. I kinda fell flat on my face and I thought I would have done better. I've gotten to the point where I'm over the whole thing and what's done is done, Life goes on and there are many valuable lessons learned. Just after everything I started to question my ability and whether or not this is for me

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Specializes in ccu cardiovascular.

emtrn- There are times we all question whether we are in the right profession. The fact that you have the desire is awesome. I think you will become a wonderful nurse. IT's not that you are not ready for a critical care environment but maybe you need to start on a stepdown unit to get the basics under your belt. Yes you got your head a little big, how could you not. I'm sure you were wonderful in orientation. I'm a preceptor and there have been several nurses who I thought would do wonderfully and when thrown to the floor fall short. It's a lot different on your own without your preceptor cheering you on. Good luck!!! Let me know how it goes for you.

jane

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Specializes in Med-Tele, Internal Med PCU.

I had no EMS experience, only 2 clinical days in the ED. What I did have was a 10 week externship and 1 year as a Care partner/Aide on a Tele floor with glowing references from that experience. Add to that, I admitted to the manager and asst that my original "plan" was to go the Med-Tele route and in 1-3 years move into ED. As it ended up I got the job, when I reiterated my concerns in my own abilities I was told 'You'll be fine, we'll take care of you and if you need to extend orientation we can do that ... .' Then when I tried to go that route I was told basically, 'You're not where you should be, you can quit or be fired.' My biggest failure was setting my own beliefs/ opinions/ concerns aside and trusting the ED and Tele managers' opinion that I was ready and a good fit.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

rn-jane - I was doing step down actually when i first started. The acuity of the patients was super high and the only people who actually stayed >24 hrs were thoracotomies and the open hearts...i mean there were days where I would d/c my whole group and get another one before i could blink. I think that, that might have had something to do with it. I really need a floor where the turnover rate of patients isn't so fast..but it seems to me like that doesn't exist. I went to the hospital that I might be getting a job at and their M/S floors have a 1:7 ratio and that scares me ALOT. I went and I actually talked to the NM at the ER where I wanted to try and get a job at but New York requires a year of M/S before you can go to the ED...I was honest with her (and this was off the record I was actually working on the ambulance at the time) and I told her why I was terminated/resigned from my other job and she told me to be brutally honest with the woman with whom i might interview with and tell her exactly what happend. She laced into me pretty hard, and said it was bad practice when I told her what had happend and made me feel awful (As if i didnt feel like **** enough) but then she ended it by saying that if i needed anything to ask her and that she believes everyone deserves a second change, which was nice. I do have reservations about admitting my mistakes because I dont want to be blackballed and never be able to find a job but I know that the NM that I might interview with for this PCU floor will probably already know....Got any good advice ?

asxhusz - Damn that is a pretty tough situation to be in, and I'd be ****** that they said they would help you and then all of a sudden they let you sink like that. You know I hear/see it all the time that nurses don't eat their young but I really think they do, no matter how many people say different. I'm sorry things didn;t turn out well for you. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, and don't worry things will get better, I don't know if it's true but that's what I keep telling myself and I gotta believe in something ! Good luck !

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