Meeting adversity

[AmandaBSN]

Needing some help....

Recently I got hired into my dream job and have started orientating. After sorting through the job without direction (completely new to this area of nursing) I was given a mentor. She is a seasoned nurse with an amazing wealth of knowledge and experience. And while I have learned lots from her, I also have found myself dreading my experiences with her to the point of feeling physically ill/stressed. She is moody, incredibly judegmental and hypercritical....and the problem is that this is affect my working relationship with her. She cannot give even the slightest bit of positive feedback and only focusses on the negative. I realize I am new to the area but I have been a nurse for over 7 years and bring with me a vast array of knowledge and skills.

I guess my question is this (there is more to this scenerio and I could bore you with the pages): How do you personally meet with conflict and adversity? I have thought of discussing it with her, however knowing a little bit more about her I believe that even the nicest of dialogue to discuss the issue would set her off and be detrimental. ALso, how do you turn something stressful into a positive where you don't dread going to work the next day?

Thanks!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

What about looking for another mentor? Is that an option?

[AmandaBSN]

Unfortunately that is not an option.

[TazziRN, RN]

My clinical group had this problem with an instructor. She focused on the negative and never on the positive. One day, during post conference, we brought the issue up. We did our best not to attack, but to let her know that we felt she was doing us a disservice. The biggest complaint we had was that because she never told us what we were doing right, moral was sinking fast on that rotation. Perhaps you could sit down with her privately and tell her your concerns about your preceptorship? That you're feeling discouraged your rights are never being acknowledged, only your wrongs. I can't help wondering if she doesn't realize how she's coming across. Tell her that you admire and respect her knowledge base and that you want to become as good a nurse as her, and that you would like to know what she sees as a problem in your performance, so that you can improve. Make sure you keep it at "I feel..." rather than "You make me feel....."

Good luck.

[LoriAlabamaRN]

I think Tazzi is right on the money. I would definitely have a conversation with her, stressing that you respect her judgement. Let her know that the reason her negative comments affect you so harshly is because you DO respect her judgement so much. A little bit of humility and honesty goes an awfully long way.