Maybe I should stop caring?

[run4eva]

Yesterday was one of the worst days ever. Keep in mind I am no new nurse. I usually don't let this stuff get to me but yesterday it was too much all at once. (1) A difficult assignment, (2) A 20:1 aide ratio on a floor with mostly total care patients (3) A 6 patient assignment on a telemetry unit (4) seemingly apathetic co-workers (5) A physically and verbally abusive patient (6) Sprinkle in a bunch of gossip about other co-workers (no, not a participant, just unfortunate to overhear) (7) No break over 12 hours, wait make that 13 (8) An environment where more than a few of the nurses seem over zealous in "writing up" their co-workers. I do not consider myself a burned out or disgruntled nurse. I love my job and recognize and accept its difficulties. I could go in to more detail about my day and why it was so emotionally draining but I don't want to reveal any possible identifiers. If there is one thing I do with unequaled passion and dedication, it is my role as a nurse. I pray before every shift that I can offer my patients exactly what they need. I don't socialize during my shift and most of my charting is done standing or bedside. Yesterday in particular, I went to the bathroom once ate nothing, and completely forgot to drink. I bring my heart to the job and am not afraid to cry or pray with a patient or family member. Yesterday I cried. and cried. And cried- but not with my patients. I cried because yesterday was one of those days where I brought my A game and failed as a nurse. I'm sure the night nurse I handed my patients over to will "write up" what I neglected in the chaos of my day-evidence of my failure. I guess nursing has clear starting and stopping times and isn't about ongoing care. Last night I could have stayed well beyond midnight if all loose ends needed tying before next shift.

So, is the key to good nursing neglecting call bells, no matter how often they are used? Neglecting the patient sitting in soiled briefs for hours? Pretending like my feeder isn't hungry and quickly loading the food tray back onto the cart? Neglecting the patients desire for me to coordinate meetings with doctors, social work, etc so family can be involved?Should charting take precedent over bedside care and attention? Should I forget the simple acts of teeth brushing (an infection reducer), lending an ear to listen, and taking complaints of pain seriously? Is a successful nurse simply a robot that delivers timely meds and checks all of the necessary charting boxes that can so easily be missed when you value face to face time with your patient more important?

Forgive my rant. My tears are dry and in a few days I know I will be excited to begin a new shift with a new opportunity to do the best I can. That is all.

[amoLucia]

(((OP))).

What can I say. I had some of those days too.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

"I brought my A game and failed as a nurse."

NO you did not. Your facility and the corporate owners are flogging you like a mule.

You are experiencing unsafe nurse patient ratios. In order to make money for the MAN.

Stop crying, stop trying... do something /anything to make it right.

[paidmydues]

No, you have not failed my love...the system failed YOU and your patients. This is a patient safety issue. We are unionized out West here and technically once you accept an assignment you can be charged with abandonment and reported to the BRN if you change your mind later. One day when I realized I had an unsafe and unworkable assignment, I utilized the skills I was taught and stated BEFORE accepting my assignment: "I am very concerned that this assignment is unsafe both for me and the patients." I professionally called the Nursing Sup. and she found us a CNA and a very helpful floater RN. It worked!

If we don't stand up for ourselves and our patients nobody else will. Blessings...