Need advice for a friend/new male nurse. HELP!

  1. Hello one and all,
    I am not too sure how to begin or actually where to begin but here goes. Recently I was approached by a guy who is/was a good friend to my daughters, he is an LPN and finished his RN in December. He is a great fellow, good work ethics, great sense of humor, never seemed to shirk any task, and generally seems to be dedicated to being a good nurse. He has accepted a position on the med/surg floor of a facility close to where he is currently living, his background is LTC. Now, he came to see me and has let me know he feels really down, has no one to talk to, and says his preceptor is a jerk. This fellow is gay, not that it matters to me, and should not matter to his coworkers. He says he feels like he is more closely watched than the other 4 new grads, one is male too. He said he feels like he is not being given some of the learning experiences he should have as a new grad because he is gay. The females treat him so-so, and the other 4 male nurses on this unit, including the other male new grad, just leave him out of everything. The doctors seem to have no problem with him, and his patient love him. I am at a loss to know what to tell him. I can give him a pep talk, but how do I address the real issue? That being he is gay and working as a nurse. Listen, before anyone flames me, here in the hills, I can go into any facility for 100 miles and know someone who knows my past. This guy did not advertise he is gay, and from what I have seem over the years, he keeps things close to the vest. He was outed by a CNA who has relatives from this area. So guys, give me some words of wisdom. I really do feel so bad for him, my gut instinct is to tell him to finish 6 months on this unit if at all possible, soak up as much as he can, and get out of there. He has family in Ohio, NC, Va, and Ky. They tell him to come on down there, but my gut tells me he needs at least 6 months at this job to make it look good. Besides, he needs time to apply for a license in another state. Help.
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    About gitterbug

    Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 557; Likes: 47


  3. by   gitterbug
    Well thanks a lots fellas. 19 views and not one reply, I will go with my gut instinct on this one, and forget about getting a male pov.
  4. by   JMurse89
    I'd say go with your instinct. If he's not happy where he is, then he needs to get the hell out. Applying for licenses in other states can be hard, but he may be able to do that while he's still there.

    I guess I'm not really the person to ask, but I felt bad and wanted to reply

  5. by   atwtrn
    As a gay nursing student, I'm trying to think how I would handle this situation. If I were being treated poorly at work, I suppose I would try to get out of the situation. Any chance this fellow can move to a larger city within the state he currently resides? Large cities tend to be a bit more open and more than likely, won't bat an eye at a gay nurse. I'm not sure I would wait six months. If asked at an interview I would say that the work environment was hostile.
    On a separate note, I've been feeling alone as the only gay nursing student in my class. I'd love to talk to your friend to hear about the job and whatever....
    Last edit by sirI on Feb 9, '07 : Reason: remove personal information
  6. by   gitterbug
    Thanks Jeremy. He will be visiting on Tuesday and we will talk then. He is a great guy, a great friend to my daughters, and sort of an adopted son. He really wanted to take the learning opportunities this large institution offered him and work a trauma unit. I know he can get some good nursing experience everywhere, but he needs to stay close enough to come home and see his mother who has cancer and will probably be gone by next Christmas. I am going to encourage him to go to Ohio. I think he will have less problems there since the family members who live there are well aware of his status. I don't mean to make him sound like some kind of wild swinger, he surely is not, I know he is in a committed relationship and has been for years, his partner has a good job and that may be the rub for a move. Funny how life happens. I will surely miss him when he goes, he has been around for over 20 years, since he was just a kid, he has played in my fields, ate at my table more times than I can count, "dated" with my daughters in high school, and help out in times of trouble. He deserves a good life too bad he just can't get it close to home.
    I wish you well and hope each and every day is a blessed one for you.
  7. by   gitterbug
    Hello Seth,
    Thanks for your advice. We discussed an in-state move when he was here, trouble is, still too close for comfort. And there are only 2 other facilities here that can give him the kind of experience he wants. I think Ohio is his best solution.
    I do not know exactly what you can do about your situation, maybe look to other disciplines for friendship and support. Nursing gays here are very quiet, but they are able to seek support from the guys in printing, engineering, and safety schools. Sounds like I have all of the inside information but I really do not, I just know what he has told my daughter and me over the last 20 years. His partner was and is an engineer for the phone company and they met years ago. I wish you well in your studies, and hope you are given a special blessing each and every day. Good luck.
  8. by   Roy Fokker
    Hi gitterbug,

    I'm not gay - but I am a male nurse. New grad nonetheless.

    And I concur with your advice - have the lad hunker down and get atleast six months in. The more experience he gets, the better for him. More career "doors" open, to put it simply.

    Ofcourse, if the environment is REALLY hostile, tell him to forget it and move on. One's sanity is more important than one's job.

    From your posts, it seems like he means a lot to you. I hope he finds something rewarding and that it brings you peace.

  9. by   gitterbug
    Hi Roy,
    Thanks for your advice. He has decided to stick to the job until May. He is going to do some PM's, the crew is more laid back, and he feels like he will be able to do a better job. He was an LPN for 10 years so he really does know how to do so much. He has agreed that even though the weather is nicer in NC, he will be better in Ohio. He downloaded some stuff off of the BON this week and will start to get his license there soon. The cost is not an issue, I think he just wants to be close for his mom.
    He is special to me, I have prayed for him and know that whatever happens, God has control of the problem. May I say too Roy, I usually enjoy your posts, I have needed a laugh many a time and you and a few others seem to be able to give me one. I hope you continue to enjoy your work and have blessings each and every day.
  10. by   Janus Rising
    Personally, I say screw the co-workers. He's there for the patients. I know that's waaay easier said than done, but I've been there. I bever had any time for small-minded bigots.