Major anxiety (kinda long)

[almostthereMHM]

Hi all,

I started a job at the beginning of the year as a unit secretary on mother-baby at a major hospital in my city. I plan to start the LPN program in January also. I was very happy that I got this job because I had never had in prior medical experience. Right before my job one of my good friends seven year old daughter passed away in an automobile accident. This hospital is right next to the childrens hospital that she was at. I started working at this hospital and everything was ok then some months into it there was a notice at the nurses station that one of the residents fiance was killed in an automobile accident. I was like ok...wow. Then just recently one of the night nurses that that work on the floor was killed in a accident on vacation. It was on the news and everything. It was very crazy. Anyway here is my problem. I'm there working and I'm looking out the window directly at the hospital my friends daughter was at and start thinking about what she is going through, etc. and my own kids. And I'm thinking every since I started this job and going to this job it reminds of people dying. The day I found out this happened with the nurse I think I had an axiety attack. Everything was find throughout the day I was going on normal. There was an issue with an order that I entered in incorrectly we fixed it and it was fine. Then all of a sudden I was sitting there and I could barely breath. I had to control my breathing, my face started to get really hot, and my hands started to shake. It was bad, I think everything hit me at once. I got up and told the nurse (a good friend of mine) I was going to the back to sit down but when I did I broke down crying. She was very comforting but I just told her I felt overwhelmed not really what was behind the anxiety. My job as a secretary can be kind of stressful sometimes because you need to handle the desk and deal with nurses and doctors, etc. Sometimes when I'm there lately I sitting there and I feel my face start to get hot, my breathing gets crazy, and water starts to come from my eyes like I can't take this anymore. My husband knows about the first attack but he doesn't know the root of where it is coming from. This past week was really bad I left there with my head pounding and I broke down in tears when I got to my car. Everytime I'm getting ready to go this job I start feeling very anxious. I'm considering leaving this job if it doesn't get better. I am perfectly fine when I leave and I go home to my family. It's only when I go there where I start freaking out. I am also starting the lpn program in January and just wondering if nursing is for me. I have never experience anxiety or anxiety attacks before I started working at this job. But it's really getting bad I don't want to be there anymore. They have an employee service where you can go talk to someone about anything that is bothering you. I might do that. But other than that I don't know what else do to. Please if you guys have any suggestions I would love it.

[amjowens]

I think it's important that you acknowledge what you are going through. I don't think too many of us here on this site are in the position to give you advice as to action, etc.

Nurses are just as emotional/human/vulnerable as anyone else. Death is a topic that nobody has really "conquered". Most nurses are going to be exposed to some horrifying and universally tragic stuff. The difference, rather than avoid or deny what's going on, we offer to try to help or make a difference. But, we still have to deal with the emotions. To not will lead to numbness or anger or drug/substance abuse or....on and on.

You should probably see a doctor if you think you may be having panic attacks. In addition, go ahead and feel what you are feeling-don't hide your emotions. Get therapy if necessary. Just don't deny it and don't let it decide life decisions (like becoming a nurse) for you.

[NursingStudent27]

I definatly think that you should still go to Nursing School..........

Yes, as a Nurse you are still going to have the anxiety and all of the emotions but its just something that you have to be able to handle. Don't be scared of your anxiety and don't let it hold you back from something that you want to do. If its happening that often you really should see your health care provider and see what he or she can do to help you. You shouldn't have to live with it, it can really drag you down!! Take care of yourself and good luck to you when you start school...I am a student myself and luckily I finish in January of 09. You will learn so much and you won't regret it.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I believe that you should speak to someone, may it be a private counselor if you have health insurance or maybe your job has an EAP counselor. It shouldn't change your goal to be a nurse, but to get to the root of your anxiety and prepare you for the fact that unfortunately, a part of nursing is to deal with death. In addition, you will be seeing a great deal of suffering. You may be remotely exposed to this now as a unit clerk, but to have to actively care for people in the worst conditions of their lives (and your experience) might be overwhelming.

I think that you can still go to nursing school if that is your desire. I just think that it would be easier to deal with your anxiety now, because once you start classes, believe me, your life will not be your own. At least you would have obtained some coping skills to utilize to survive the program and your new career.