Lost and need help turning around

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Specializes in Memory care.

I am a CNA in Denver, CO. I also have my BA in Liberal Arts. I've had my CNA for almost 2 years, but have only had 3 jobs that lasted about 6 months or so each. I'm currently working for a home healthcare agency but finding it's just like my first job. I'm doing light housekeeping, making meals and sitting a lot. Not real CNA work. I started this job on Thursday and already said I'm quitting, was told to turn in a resignation letter, but have to keep my shifts for 2 weeks. Literally, the night before my first shift, I was in tears having a major panic attack. In the morning, I was throwing up. I called the main office to call in and said I was sick due to my anxiety, and the owner literally scoffed at me and told me to collect myself and go. Granted it was my first day and it was too soon for them to find a replacement- not a good move on my part, that I understand; but to scoff and be a jerk when I was honest- that truly hurt and was new to me. Now I am completely scared to even step foot in the office.

I was diagnosed with major depression when I was 15 (I'm 33 now), had a suicide attempt my senior year in college, spent overnight in the hospital and that was it. Now at 33, I have found that I have major anxiety and sought out a doctor. I found an amazing psychiatric nurse who diagnosed me with bipolar NOS. I remember the doctor I saw in college suggested the same diagnosis. I'm now on a medicine that I feels works well.

I truly feel called to nursing. My mom is a retired nurse, my sister is a mid-wife now college nursing professor- so I have always been around it. I am a smart woman, nurturing, told I have a gift for this; but I get in my own way. I am seeing my nurse next week. I have to work, but my resume is not the best. How can I turn this around? I want to make a difference, answer this calling. I don't want to be a CNA forever; I did the LTC facility and felt like I was doing hospice work (not cut for that). I found a man passed away on my watch and that really affected me. I helped a man with his PT exercises yesterday and I loved it. I want to see people get BETTER and help, encourage them.

Any advice, suggestions are greatly welcomed. -Sarah

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Hi there, and welcome to Allnurses!

Yes, you can clean up a sketchy resume, but first you have to get stable and stay that way. Did you know job-hopping can be a sign of bipolar disorder? Neither did I until I myself was diagnosed with it almost five years ago, after about a dozen years of being misdiagnosed with depression. I too have had a tough time sticking with jobs; I never held one for more than 2 1/2 years. Eventually I couldn't do it anymore and hung up my stethoscope a couple of years ago, but it doesn't have to be that way for you.

Do whatever you can to stick with this job, and never, never disclose your bipolar or anxiety to your co-workers or employer. You can't lose your job for having a mental illness, but companies have offices full of lawyers who know the many ways to get around the Americans with Disabilities Act, and they may very well manufacture other reasons to get rid of you. I'm just warning you about that because I've done it, and with disastrous results.

You didn't say whether you're in nursing school or not. If at all possible, try to find some way to not have to work while you go to school; it's quite intense and may provoke your anxiety, and to be honest keeping a job on top of school is apt to de-stabilize you. You have to be very aware of how your illness manifests itself, and that usually takes time and work in therapy.

That being said, I think you can be a nurse, and a successful one. You've already taken some big steps toward getting better. Good for you!

In the meantime, there are a number of nurses here with bipolar, depression and anxiety who are willing to help; I hope you'll stick with us and keep us posted on how you're doing. Best of luck, Viva.:)

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Specializes in Memory care.

I am not in nursing school. I actually was taking one biology course in june and ended up withdrawing because it just too much for me. I've always jumped from one hobby/major in college to the next. I'm exhausted and in tears most of the time. I've been married for 4 years and desperately want to become pregnant and haven't been able to. Now knowing I'm bipolar, should I even become a mom? I don't know if I can function without medicine. Is there such thing as rehab for mental illness? Part of me feels like going away for a short period of time and resetting. I get so emotional thinking of our bills piling up. I hate being dependent on others. It's very hard for me to ask for help, always has been.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I totally understand. I'm a new widow living on less than $1500/ month disability, and I have to live with my son's family because I can't afford to live on my own. It's HARD asking for help. But sometimes we've just got to bite the bullet and accept the fact that we need it.

In regards to having children: Only you and your husband can make that decision, and you really should put off any decision-making until you've been stable for a good while. It sounds like you've got a lot of room for improvement in the management of your illness. Most people require more than one medication for bipolar, and it may be that you'll have to experiment with different ones until you get a handle on it.

You also seem to suffer from low self-esteem. Getting the brain chemistry right will help with that, although therapy is usually in order to help you work on it. Medications are only part of the effective treatment of bipolar disorder. I hope your psych nurse can do therapy in addition to medication management.

As far as I know, there is no (affordable) "rehab" for folks like us, but there are mental hospitals which help stabilize people in crisis. Unfortunately you have to be in pretty bad shape to be admitted to a psych facility, and believe me you don't want to be in such serious trouble that you need it. My own experiences with inpatient were good ones and I benefited a great deal from the time I spent in there, so don't be afraid to go if you get to feeling like you just can't cope anymore or want to harm yourself in some way.

PLEASE take care of yourself.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
I am not in nursing school. I actually was taking one biology course in june and ended up withdrawing because it just too much for me. I've always jumped from one hobby/major in college to the next. I'm exhausted and in tears most of the time. I've been married for 4 years and desperately want to become pregnant and haven't been able to. Now knowing I'm bipolar, should I even become a mom? I don't know if I can function without medicine. Is there such thing as rehab for mental illness? Part of me feels like going away for a short period of time and resetting. I get so emotional thinking of our bills piling up. I hate being dependent on others. It's very hard for me to ask for help, always has been.

I will not give you medical advice as that is against TOS, however as a Psych nurse I can give you some insight. First of all let me assure you that all your goals are possible but you must take them one at a time. the first step is to get as mentally stable as possible which will most likely entail a combination of medication and counseling. Make sure you are seeing a psychiatrist for your medications. A primary care doc can prescribe psych meds but really shouldn't. It would be kind of like a car mechanic coming over to fix your plumbing. then you need a good counselor preferably one who can work in conjunction with your psychiatrist so that you three can work as a team to address your illness. Next set your goals. Motherhood is not impossible but you will need to be careful and work with your psychiatrist to find a medication that will not effect your unborn baby. Please don't try to get pregnant until you are somewhat financially stable. You still have time I didn't have my son until I was 38 and all worked out well in fact he started high school last week. I do not have bi-polar but I do suffer from Major Depressive disorder that is sometimes crippling. Still my family Husband and son are pretty good about helping to keep things on track. Don't share too much about your illness at the workplace - even if you are hired your employer will likely start watching you for problem behaviors. If they can reasonably say you are not safe to practice (which can be highly subjective ) they can let you go, especially if you work in a "At will" state.

I hope some of this has helped

Hppy

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