just a question for all regarding dieing residents/patients

[moosenurse]

i'm a nursing student. i work in an assisted living faculty as a med-tech (cna that hands out meds). i had a resident die last night and it's effecting me hard. i know we aren't supposed to have favorites but it's a little hard. my question is how have you dealt with this? can you give any pointers?

[suzanne4, RN]

You would not be human if it did not affect you. Sure, there will be some that will affect you more than others, but you also would not be you if it did not bother you in some way. We each develop our own way to deal with death, and again it depends on the situation as well.

It will get easier in some respects once you get further along in your training, but does it make it any different? The day that it does, is the day that I leave nursing. My patients are a part of what I love about my job.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

:yeahthat:

Couldn't have said it better myself, Suzanne.

Moosenurse, you have a compassionate and caring heart, and the day you shut down on that is the day you should get out of nursing altogether. There is almost nothing worse in this profession than a nurse who cannot feel. You are human, and you're going to have favorite residents/patients; you can't favor them over less "popular" ones, of course, but there's nothing wrong with loving them!

While I can't say that it ever gets 'easier' to lose a favorite patient, in time you will learn how to cope. Some will affect you more than others; some will even surprise you, because we often do not know until they're gone how 'attached' we were to them.

Here's an example. A couple of months ago, one of my residents---who, I must confess, I wasn't particularly fond of---passed away after a fairly protracted illness. Now, it wasn't the loss that got to me, it was HOW she died: a hospice volunteer came in to play the harp for her, and it wasn't five minutes after the woman began to play that my resident took her last breath. I like to think that she went to Heaven on the wings of the music the angels play.

Anyway, that was one of the most peaceful and dignified deaths I've ever witnessed, and after all was said and done I went into my office and cried like a baby. Once again, I was reminded of what a privilege it is to be at the bedside of a human being who is leaving the world; for me, it's a spiritual experience that transcends mortality, and makes me less and less fearful of my own death.

Yes, I've learned how to get through the rest of a shift after a death, and usually I'm able to move ahead with life in general after a short time of reflection and prayer. You work in geriatrics long enough, you learn to say good-bye and go on...........but you never forget.