Judgemental co-worker

[RNmom08]

Hi there. I have an issue that I'd like your input on how to handle it or ignore it. I work in a peds unit with a coworker whom is very nice. (At least that I know of.) She is more experienced than me but at times does not seem open to new ways of thinking and we have in the past had some tense moments. With her having more experience, she thinks she know ALL. Now, I am bullheaded at times but I will have the courage to admit when I am wrong about thing. My co-worker will get very defensive and take it personally when she is wrong about something. (Nursing school one of the first things we were taught was how to take criticizm[sp?]. Maybe she missed this in nursing school...) Not only can she not take criticizm, but she herself is extremely judgmental and critical of others. She does it in a way that is very unprofessional.

At any rate, there was a situation this weekend where she was very loud about her judgements toward a patient and the parents. She was not quite, in fact, quite rude. I was embarrassed that another nurse would say things like this. For sure if she would have heard another nurse say those things - she would be all over them about speaking that way. (Pm me and I can explain further what happened) My coworker is very judgemental about all patients/parents. If a parent leaves for a moment - she's critical of them leaving. If they breastfeed in front of her without covering up - watch out! she'll talk about how gross it is. {This one ticks me off because we are peds nurses for gosh sakes, babies breastfeed - it's only a breast!} I find myself getting very annoyed with this coworker and there is no way not to work with her. Moreso, I find myself getting angry that she can say these things and the parents may be there - or her voice may travel down the hall to the rooms. This is so unprofessional and unkind. I really really am sickened they way she carries on about things. I would never dream of saying things about people the way she does. And then if someone says something to her - her feelings are hurt and she ends up crying...

Anyways, I'm not sure if I really need a reply or if I just needed to vent. THanks!

[Saifudin]

The overall picture you gave requires serious action which is not your responsibility. Your senior nurse in-charge should start it then it move up the line to nursing administration depending on your organizational structure.

You note some very serious behavioral issues. Is your co-worker so 'toxic' that senior management staff are unable to confront her? That's a problem if that's what is occurring. Reeling into patients families is a 'zero-tolerance issue for me as a DON.

Another point you made that this nurse will cry if confronted is worrisome as well. This may a form of manipulation and/or some other psychological issues that need to be explored. Either way intervention in a step-wise manner is called for so I strongly suggest that you 'take the monkey' off your back and put it where it should be, on the senior nursing manager who this nurse is accountable too.

Finally, I have enough years in leadership to know that there are (at least) two sides to every story. You mentioned you can be "bull headed" but...., the "but" is a key word when dealing with behavior. I usually explore the "and but" side as well to see where the actual truth lies.