Judgement Free Zone Please

[sassyrn333]

I wouldn't say that I hate my job, I have just reached a point where I don't find it exciting anymore. I see no reason to go back to school to be a manager or educator-those 5 day/wk gigs (dealing with admin types) just aren't for me. The NP's I work with don't appear to have it any better. They seem to be flogged thanklessly by the Doc's they work for, with the benefit of taking little to no time off (because then they come back to double their workload). The CRNA thing (though the money seems nice) doesn't really seem worth it either (stuck in an OR all day, dealing with surgeons and their egos).

I love my patients, my patients love me. And though bedside is repetitive, it can be fun with the right team on shift. And I get all of this time off to do the things that I actually enjoy. I guess I have just never really tried to define my life by my job. I define my life by the activities that I enjoy outside of work. Work is what I do to afford the things that I derive my sense of self from. I am not ashamed to be a nurse, but I am not proud either. I just view it as an identifier, similar to having red hair or being short.

So now that I am 6 years out (with 14 years in healthcare total) I perceive that my managers and peers look down on me because I do not share their enthusiasm for all things nursing. I wish I was stoked to go to NTI, but I am not. Truth be told I could care less. I feel like nursing is such a weird co-dependent profession, and all but a few of us drink the corporate cool-aid. "Sacrifice your self, your personal life, your time, your health and give to the healthcare machine- so that one day maybe you can claw your way to a desk job." So the culture is comprised of 75% codependents, and 20% people who just do whatever they can to appease leadership (and ease their daily flogging), and 5% people who actually have boundaries (take their breaks, take sick days when they need a MH day, take vacation, have friends that are not work related). I now live in that 5%, but that is not where I started out.

I currently split my time between SICU, MICU, the Cath and EP labs, and teaching ACLS/BLS to the hospital (in a 40 hour work week with occasional OT). I have done virtually everything I can to prevent my own disillusionment-yet here I am. I have precepted students and new grads. Gone to conferences. Sat on the Shared Governance design team at my hospital. None of this makes me feel as good as having a rich life outside of work and healthy personal boundaries. I sense that I am on the precipice of a change of some sort, but I don't know what.

A few paradigm shifts have occurred for me as well over the last year or so:

1) I've perceived that most Dr's don't really want you to assert yourself. They want you to follow orders.

2) I don't really agree with the way we practice illness care in this country.

Do I need to quit my job and go teach yoga somewhere Wanderlust style in a hippy commune? Is my "bad attitude" salvageable? Did I bite off more than I can chew working in all of these different places? Thoughts?

[THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN]

Who said you have a bad attitude? If you don't feel strongly one way or another then what's the problem? You don't need to be passionate about nursing, you just need to do a good job.

[CareBayer]

I agree with a lot of what you say......thanks for the post!

[vera4130]

Nursing is stressful, and critical care is stressful in a different way. I think the only way to survive sometimes is to have a life outside of work. It's not that I'm not a team player (trust me, if you need help I'll probably stay late), but sometimes our employers forget that we're people too. I'm not driving in on my day off to go to every meeting or mandatory education.

The only thing that irritates me are the 'yes' people. The ones who are all too happy to go to every tiny meeting, always see good reason for the extra charting we're doing. I think we need more people who put a limit on work or else the bosses get carried way with their well intentioned but horrible ideas.

[sassyrn333]

vera4130 I totally agree! The 'yes' people are the ones who create a culture lacking healthy boundaries. But I think that hospitals depend on those people, sadly. Healthy boundaries effect the financial bottom line for the hospital. If we all asked for appropriate staffing, no mandatory OT, proper nurse to patient ratios, and proper ancillary staff support it would be very expensive. So the push is always to do more with less. Its probably like that in any business, not just healthcare. Thanks for your response.

[iluvgusgus]

Maybe you should try a different healthcare system that has a different culture, because the drs I work with for the most part do not have a bad attitude towards nurses as you say, they collaborate with us. Perhaps you could do primary care ARNP and help people PREVENT chronic illness for pts seeking medical help to do so instead of treating it, over, and over and over with non-compliant pts that dont want to be helped.