Iufd

imenid37 · Dec 2, 2004

This is very hard and never gets easier. Sure, w/ more experience, you can put on a better face, but it's always hard. You did something for this family and you cared for them. Take heart that your kindness will forever be appreciated and remembered. They needed you and you rose to the task and were there. Unfortunately L/D is not always a happy place, but you always make an indelible mark on your patients' lives. This is a very sad thing. It will always be sad when this happens. I feel I am not that great at dealing w/ this type of patient, but we all have our strenghts and weaknesses. If you convey to the patient that you really care, she knows and just by being there, you have helped her. I think your sadness is natural and that it is not a failure on your part, but merely part of who you are. It sounds like you are a very caring person. There's nothing wrong w/ feeling. I think nurses and doctors who act very stoically like the death of a child is nothing do neither themselves nor their patients any favours. When a baby dies, it makes all of us take a little look at our lives, our own families, and strikes a little fear in our hearts when we see how frail life can be. Talk it out w/ a collegue, but don't give up. Your caring is very much needed and appreciated. (((hugs))).

elnski · Dec 2, 2004

NO, ther is nuthing wrong w/ u feeling this way at all. I myself cant help it but felt shivers on my body, trembled and got weak.. now i dunno but teardrops jus got out of my eyes.. ANd I am jus reading your post.. u wer there physically, literally..

Its crushing my heart, really.. I have handled deaths, lost count of em but until now am not vey good at handling grieving family.. Im a nurse for more than ten yrs now but i dunno.. I've never outgrown my emotions..this is one of my weaknesses..(believ it or not, i cried when i watched Ice Age and Land b4 time) I know its silly but i cant help feeling it!!

Perhaps its because you wld look after ur pts from ur heart and not out of plain duty and task.. you see a wholistic situation here and not just the illness per se..

i agree w/ imenid37, u r very caring person, and this kind of ur personality cant be denied when u carry out ur profession as a nurse..

jus let go and giv ur consciousness some tym to cope w/ sad realities lyk these.. its the innate nature of being a human to feel this way..u cant help but emphatize w/ em..

i wish you gettin better handling similar situations and handling your emotions as well..and im still wishing the same for myself.. but i see to it am not gonna drag the sad feeling w/ myself too long that ill get myself drained...

Oh dear, u may be feeling sad at the moment, but dun worry...it wont last...hope is the word.. ***elnski pats Goldenearring1 on the shoulder***

labor/rn · Dec 2, 2004

IUFDs, TOPs (for anomolies not compatible with life) are always difficult and never easy. I work at a high risk L&D and unfortunately we see this a lot. But...some of my most rewarding moments in my career have been helping families through this time. The grief that these families feel is unimaginable and what they have to go through to deliver can sometimes be an extra insult. Please always remember that although it is tough for the moms it can be worse for dads. Dad is grieving for the child that he has lost too, be he is also tryig to be a tower of support for the mom. Sometimes this is too much. Don't let dad be forgotton in the sorrow that you feel for mom. Never be ashamed of your tears. It is a genuine emotion and sometimes the parents appreciate your sympathy and concern. It's okay to cry!! We do pictures of our losses and it is always a personal triump if I can hide a "bad" spot by placing the baby on it's side, or holding a small bear or pulling the blanket up and the hat low. Sometimes all I can get is a pic of moms hand with the babys hand. But the important thing is you care enough to do the best you can for these people to get them through this horrible ordeal. These will be the patients that remember you and the ones that you remember also. I thank you for taking on this task. You are absolutely right, it is horrible, but whether you realize it or not that family is thanking God that you were there. You are not wrong to feel like you do. It just takes time to get through the shock of seeing these babies and also time to realize how much you are actually doing for the parents. God bless and keep up the good work!!!!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their excellent advice. I had already accepted the job before I posted so right now I am a little stuck. This weekend was very hard for me as we had a IUFD at 35.5 weeks. I have seen alot of neonatal deaths working in the NICU, but this was different it was something I will never forget. The mom had called and said she had not felt the baby move since Fri night sometime (this is now Sunday) and that she was getting the run-around from her doc (our hospital was not the one she was supposed to deliver at) so anyway she came in to our facility and they could not find any fetal heart tones, confirmed with ultrasound that the baby had passed and it had been dead for at least 4 days. The doc came in and did a Cytotec induction. The mom contracted well for a good 4 hours and then the strip went flat. Her call light went on and she said she felt something down there. We were just in there 30min ago and had checked her and there was nothing there no bleeding or anything. I thought to myself Oh no and sure enough the babies head was out, called the doc and he said to do nothing and he would be there in 5 min. It was the longest 5 min. all the mom had to do was lift her leg and the baby was out no signs of life. We laid the baby on the mom and let her grieve, so after a few min you could tell that she was fading and we asked if we could take the baby to clean her up and maybe put something on her that mom had brought from home to take some pictures with the family. We tried cleaning this baby up but every time we wiped her it was just....bad, so I had to take a piece of cardboard to put behind the babies body in between the blankets so the mom would not be able to feel all of the infants bones cracking and popping(sorry).....So I took the infant into mom and dad and let them grieve for her and let the family take pictures. I feel so bad for these parents and family I feel that I am grieving with them. This is not what I wanted from L/D, this is a horrible feeling. Am I wrong to feel like this....somebody out there please advise.
I posted this twice so sorry if you are reading this again

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 2, 2004

It never gets easier. And if one becomes insensitive or callous, it would be time to leave OB altogether. These tragedies rip at our very souls in OB....they are the "sad" side of what is mostly a joyous occupation we have...