Is the universe telling me not to be a CRNA?

Feb 14

Dear Nurse Beth,

Career Indecision: I'm 43. I came late to nursing after a 15 year administrative career in various fields. When I returned to school with the decision to become an RN, I also decided on my career path. I wanted to become a CRNA. Initially, most things went as planned. I landed a job at a level 2 trauma center ICU after getting my ADN and completed an RN-BSN program during my 1st year with the intent on beginning the application process to CRNA school.

I didn't get in the first 2 years of applying, but year 3 I was accepted. Let me pause to mention that as a middle aged woman, my life comes with certain built-in complexities. I have an established family. I've been married for almost 20 years, and we have 5 children, ranging in age from 21 to 8. My parents are older and are declining, frequently needing more assistance and care.

My 54 year old husband has been out of work/retired/disabled since about 2008, and we've been fighting the disability denial fight for almost 5 years now. When I last applied and was accepted to the CRNA program, the pandemic was not even a thought in my mind (accepted Oct. 2019). I was in the program for one year, and had to withdraw. My parents got Covid, were hospitalized, and now my mom is falling all the time. I'm trying to convince them to get into an independent/assisted living facility, which they don't agree with.

I virtually educated my youngest 2 children though the entire 1st year of the pandemic (my 1st year of school), and discovered that my youngest has ADHD and needs some meds/therapy, etc. My family also appeared to fall apart around me as I was unavailable to organize and navigate as I had in the past. Needless to say I was unable to keep my focus solely on clinicals and withdrew... I am eligible to reapply.

The director will provide me with a letter stating that I was in good standing, etc. Here comes the question: All CRNA programs are now 3 years long as they are DNP programs. Even if I immediately reapply and am accepted to a school, the program start would be 2023 with graduation in 2026 at 48 years old, and a whole mountain of debt. Is it worth it to return? I loved every minute of what I was doing, and want to be there, but my life circumstances don't seem to be helping me complete my dream. Deciding on the alternative route is just as frustrating. Sincerely, in need of some help.