Is it too much to ask for your coworkers to be considerate?

puggy232 · Oct 20, 2008

This LPN has a problem alright-her low self esteem! The fact that she considers herself just an lpn a stupid one, says volumes, she obviously feels inadequate, again her problem. The fact that you stood up to her good for you-the fact that she cornered you during lunch to berate you like that was very unprofessional, immature, and catty. Unfortunately you still have to work with her, so all you can do is state that you value the experience of those nurses on the floor her included-that you hope to learn, and provide the best care, when asking for help or legitmate questions that is your goal. Be polite, but don't take any crap, she is the way she is like she said her problem.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Oct 20, 2008

I think you assessed it correctly. She sounds insecure, and resentful of new RNs. She has no right, however, to harass you like that at lunch. She was way out of line there to badger you for your entire mealbreak.

I do think you made a tactical error in confronting her, those types of conversations are rarely helpful.

NurseBrittney · Oct 20, 2008

Thank you for the support. I suppose I will have to just try and suck it up and accept the fact that she will continue to be this way. I just think people should be given a chance before you are judgement and mean to them... god only knows I can be a huge ass, and I'm sure at some point I would have given her a good one. But I know I haven't yet because I walk around daily on pins and needles in an effort to make a good impression and build a good working relationship.

What upsets me the most is I was so welcomed by all the other nurses, and now that she has come back its like they are all controlled by her. Because she doesn't include me (in things like ordering lunch, or the group conversations) the others don't anymore either.

I hate it. I love my shift, my hours, my days, and all but 1 of the ladies I work with, but this is just so getting to me.

Perhaps I am just young and naive, but I just wanted to be given a fair chance.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Oct 20, 2008

She sounds like a toxic influence on your unit. This is called 'mobbing' by the way, and the Joint Commission frowns on it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You describe it very well, I've experienced it myself once, and it makes the workplace a hostile environment.

Butterflybee · Oct 21, 2008

I graduated in May. I've been working as an RN since June. I've been off orientation for 2 months... I am well aware that there are many things I do not know and I often ask questions. So let me first say, I do not think I know anymore than anyone else and would never try and make anyone feel as such.
A girl I work with was not working when I first started. She was out for an extended time and came back after I had been working for several months. Since the very start she has not included me, gets highly irratated if I attempt contribute to a group conversation she is involved in, and constantly makes backhanded comments about my skills, patient care abilities, and things I should do (this is after ive already asked for advice/help which she didn't offer and did it a way she didn't approve of).
So today she makes another back handed comment and I ask her point blank. "Do you have a problem with me. Did I do something to upset you or do you have some sort of respect earning period you put new nurses through".
To which she replied "OH don't mind me I'm just a stupid LPN"
I honestly had no idea she was an lpn, i've never seen her nametag. but on top of that, why does that matter anyways?
She then waits till I'm eating (late and by myself because ive had such a horrible day) and comes in a spends my entire lunch standing, talking down to me, telling me she she isn't going to kiss my butt and she has not been rude to me and will continue to treat me the same because "She isn't being rude" for 30 minutes she tells me how wrong I am and I need to grown thicker skin and she is the way she is to hell with me.
The more I think of this the more upset it makes me. There is another nurse who started shortly after me. She is nice and considerate to her and very friendly... the other nurse is an LPN.
Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but I think she is just like this to new RNs...
I don't get it. I just don't understand why people can't make an effort to be considerate to their coworkers. I am a huge butthole but I go out of my way to be considerate to people at work... why can't other people?

Sorry you have to go through that. That person sounds like MOST of the people I work with. Whew...so it happens all over . Hope things get better for you.

PeaceonearthRN · Oct 21, 2008

If you do not have to deal with her - DONT! It is bullying and mobbing and it is a disgrace to the profession. Try to look for positive people and just try very hard to ignore her comments. You know who you are, what you are and where your going! That, my dear one, is all that matters!! :)

vivere · Oct 22, 2008

I can tell you from my own experience, the best thing to do is ignore her. Pretend she is not there. I mean, really. She will get the picture. I think some of us are too nice, too unselfish. And so the co-worker becomes a bottomless pit that you can never satisfy. Accept that you will probably never please her, no matter what you do. That will help. Decide for yourself that you don't need her approval. Not one bit of it.

We all go through these places when co-workers disappoint us. I know that mine disappoint me. I have always tried to keep everyone happy at work (my own flaw), and try to be flexible and agreeable with the needs especially for schedule changes. However, when I asked recently for someone to work a few shifts for me, while I am on vacation with my family, everyone disappeared. No one would help me. I guess i learned a sad lesson. These are not really friends, they are just people I work with.

Do you feel that way sometimes?

NurseBrittney · Oct 22, 2008

yes

vivere · Oct 22, 2008

As we get older, we become more accepting of people. Her lack of self esteem is simply part of HER. You feel disappointed, but it will not last. You accept the way other people are, but don't let it have TOO much of your time and emotion. As you look more objectively at others, they cease to have 'power' over you to make you feel any way at all. You will be able to work and not be affected by the cliques. Everyone's concern should be for the patient, but we get all intermingled in each others lives and problems. If you make one or two very good friends throughout your nursing career, that will be the norm....the others are acquaintances, casual friends, and some will never be friends, because they are not made of the same good stuff that you are. like attracts like. i am glad you posted, because it helped me know that i am going through something similar right now at one of the jobs i have. i am certain that we will BOTH be just fine. thinking of you,

VIVERE :redpinkhe

vivere · Oct 30, 2008

Just remember the reasons why you are there...it was never about making friends. It was about making a good living, about providing for yourself, and it was about taking care of others, assisting them in the process of health. When you remember those things, everything else melts away. It is the same in every health facility you will work at. Close friendships are formed by some, and for others it seems as though they are always on the outside, looking in. Just know that everyone feels that way sometimes. You are never alone, not in any of the emotions or thoughts you experience. There is always someone else out there who knows exactly what you go through! I am off to work right now! and not too terribly crazy about the idea.....but the money I make will help pay for a son's trip home for Christmas.

vivere :yeah: