Is it Just Like Grey's Anatomy? Our Doctor/ Nurse Love Story

Sarah Matacale, BSN, RN

I am a nurse...married to a Doctor. That notion seems to spark a lot of interesting conversation and questions in the non-medical public. The title of this article being one of them. "Oh wow....is it just like you see on Grey's Anatomy?"

My husband and I usually look at each other, wink and giggle because at first it kinda was. I mean when you are in your twenties and dating someone new, no matter the profession, isn't it all kind of sexy and flirty?

Fifteen years, both of us now working primarily from home, three kids and two dogs later, our life is more like Jurassic Park. Some kind of "crisis" coming at you every few seconds, severely outnumbered, fatigued, and in pure survival mode. (Teehee, reminds me of my CCU days). Anyway, there is no one I would rather be on this wild ride with, so I will share our story...the good, the bad, and the ugly of this Doctor-Nurse love story.

To start with, we did not meet at the hospital. That's usually the first question. We actually met at a bar. A dive bar for that matter. As it turns out neither of us was planning on being there that night. He had just come off a bazillion hour internal medicine residency shift (this was back when there was no cap on number of hours residents would work) and I was out to decompress with my best Critical Care nurse friends.

My husband approached me first, but I had a general rule against dating someone I met in a bar, so I flirted along a bit without intention of seeing him again. He asked for my phone number and I said no. I don't give my number to guys in a bar either. I will say I was intrigued by him that night. My husband is very funny, and smart and quite handsome, but I went on my way that night with friends I came with, lots of laughs, the smell of smoke and bad beer on me. ( I hate beer, but somehow every night in a bar when you are in your twenties has you leaving with beer spilled on you...blechh).

A week or so later, I was getting ready for resident/fellow rounds on my CCU patients, and in walks my now husband...scrubs and all. He had worked all night and was reporting on his new admits. Say what???? He was going to be working in my unit for the next month! Surprise to me, but he knew I worked there was tickled with the potential. I was actually scheduled for a lot of overtime on nights that month, setting us up for the "Grey's Anatomy" questions for years to come. We started to talk a lot. Got to know each other over our sick as snot patients who circled the drain every few hours requiring both of our full attention and time.

So, was it sexy? Yes it was....I mean who doesn't like seeing their guy in scrubs, a little 5 o'clock shadow from working the last 36 hours, engulfed in what he does best, focused, in control of the situation, and rocking his biceps while putting in a central line!

Whew! I am not sure that I had much sexy going on at 3am in my scrubs and crazy socks, tending to our crisis at hand, but my husband tells it different and that's what matters, right?! We had tons of fun learning and working together. He would bring me a cup of coffee every morning, we would try to have lunch or dinner together, we stayed up way too late at a diner talking and learning about each other on our "off shifts". There were no negatives during that time to our nurse-doctor duo. We were in a bubble so-to-speak with working and dating in a teaching hospital.

Fast forward a bit...we fell in love, got married and moved to a small town with a tiny small town hospital where we both took jobs. My husband was a hospitalist and I was an ICU nurse. The "nurse married to a Doctor thing" became a thing. I was surprised. No real negatives came his way, but I on the other hand was in a whole new world with new battles.

The first thing I realized, was a bizarre sense that I married up (in the medical team world). I was treated different by my fellow staff members. They were afraid of talking or venting about their "doctor frustration" as I will call it. They were very guarded in taking me in, unsure of my allegiances.

This was so weird to me. I was, am, and always will be a nurse. My job is to care for my patients and their families. I work as part of a care team. We are all supposed to be part of the same team and there should not be a nurse versus doctor dynamic. Then came the belief that if my colleagues could not get the orders they were looking for that I could call my husband and influence him to speak to his partners to get the orders. Uh...no. I am not a liason. I was asked to call to get patient's moved out or into the unit, medication changes, lab orders etc. In the small town we lived in, my husband and I would socialize with other doctors and administrators and their wives/ husbands. Now I was really "in" with the physicians and admin.

The nurses looked for gossip on the doc's we worked with.

What does his wife look like?

Is she more relaxed outside of the hospital?

Does he drink? The list goes on.

I have always been relaxed around people, no matter their job title. I don't see myself as less than, or anyone as greater than me. We each have unique jobs and educations. I do mine, my husband does his. Sometimes the two intertwine but it's always professional. I don't pull any strings or ask for favors, and neither does he. As he started climbing the career ladder, I would overhear other staff members complaining about him or his team. Man was/is that hard. I really felt stuck in between two worlds.

I want to say that the benefit I have found in marrying a doctor is that I am always learning. When I too would question why my doc wouldn't give the OK for morphine for my patient, I can ask why without seeming to be challenging a judgement call. I can find the medical reason why it would not be beneficial. I did not go to medical school or study in depth pharmacology. I went to nursing school and I rock at advocating and caring for my patients. When I ask why, I can then explain to my patients and families better. More information can be soothing. In my current job, I can ask my husband again for his knowledge and expertise before I approach another physician with a query. (I now work in Clinical Documentation). I do all my own work and always have, but sometimes an inhouse "medical Google" comes in handy.

As he and I have changed jobs and areas of work, we have encountered new challenges. Mostly the challenges are mine. When asked to join committees, or climb the career ladder at a hospital where my husband is well established and well respected, I find myself asking, did I get this role because of me or my last name? I am smart, focused, and opinionated (sometimes good, sometimes bad- it's a "born-in-Jersey-thing"). I have to strive each day to prove that I am not riding on my husband's white coat tails. It is emotionally tough when in a group of colleagues where I am treated as an outsider. I am "one of them" not just a nurse.

We've come a long way since our "Grey's Anatomy" years. These days, we wake up way before our kids to start our work day, as we both work from home. We juggle work and kids in school with tons of activities. We rock paper scissors on who takes the dogs out, who scoops the cat's poop, and who makes dinner that night. Our sexy, is now a comfortable pair of yoga pants for me and gym shorts for him work attire, with medical questions and "can you read this before I send it?" being yelled across our country farmhouse with a big echo and lousy internet. We attend conferences and meetings together but sit with our colleagues and as always we strive to maintain professionalism. I will say that what has not changed over the years, is that he still brings me a cup of coffee every morning, and that he is just a sexy as ever doing what he does best.

I do love our life, that just so happens to be a doctor-nurse love story!

Is it Just Like Grey's Anatomy? Our Doctor/ Nurse Love Story

About Sarah Matacale, BSN, RN

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