Is this bullying?

[I ❤ Nursing]

Hi all,

I've got two scenarios for you guys. Honestly, I don't know where to begin with this. I don't know what to do about it or if I should do anything about it. I am asking about this because I care! I want to help and I'd like opinions on what you do or if you have an experience to share that is similar to these.

Under normal circumstances, meaning when I am not in school, I do not tolerate any disrespect or do not care what others think or say about me. I have no problem voicing how I feel. However, since I am in school I am not so open to be as outspoken as I would be normally. The school rules go: "No disrespect" and that goes for students and professors alike. So, why is it that I am the only one that observes this rule? My professors don't observe it. If anyone is so inclined to question something of what the professor has said or not said in class, not only does that person get humiliated in front of the whole class but also gets yelled at SOOO loudly that the student in question wants to run and hide and cry. No wonder why we don't want to ask any questions if this is how we are going to be treated. Our class is a quiet class because of this. Simply put, we don't want to be yelled at or made an example. People do ask questions but not as freely as they probably could in my class. Why must we tolerate the wrath from an instructor but not be able to retaliate back? What fairness or respect is in that? If you want us to open up and speak our minds, you can't be insulted of what may or may not come out of our mouths. I pity my classmate who had to put up with that.

Students don't observe "respect" either. There is a girl in my class (no, it's not me)who is different from others in the class. Actually, there are a few like her but as an example I will use her. The girl is quiet and soft-spoken, but very nice to everyone. She doesn't participate in conversations with other students during lecture breaks, or before class starts or ends, and she disappears at lunch break. Students don't go out of their way to make her feel welcomed or include her in conversation or activities. Yet, she is singled out by students and professors alike when something is "wrong". It doesn't matter if she said or did NOTHING, they point in her direction. For example, one student in class will answer a question asked in class by the professor. If the student answers the question wrong, the professor will focus in on this poor girl as if SHE answered the question wrong, and then continue to act as if she knows nothing! It is condescending, belittling and degrading. Instead of correcting the student who made the mistake, the other girl receives the blame. Do you see where I am going with this? How is this fair? If this girl does not have an inferiority complex, this type of treatment would do it!

Whatever conversation she does bring to the table other students don't acknowledge it, they disregard it, or act as if she has said nothing at all. The students joke abouther quiet and soft-spoken demeanor, they don't understand her. I see students rolling their eyes or smiling at each other when this girl is in their presence and they are annoyed by her. Instead of trying to get to know her, they do their best to ignore her. No one verbally says anything mean to this girl that I could tell, but non-verbal body language is very different. It is hard to explain. The girl's insecurity shows whether she wants it to or not, people can see it and its painful to watch. Because of this, she falls prey to whatever is "wrong". I feel bad for her. No, I do not agree with this type of treatment. You may ask, "Well, why doesn't she say or do something about it?" I don't know. I couldn't tell you. All I can observe is from what I may or may not know about this person. I don't like seeing or hearing people being treated this way. I know I wouldn't tolerate it. Do I stick up for her or do I encourage her to do it for herself? Or, is it best to not say anything because you never know what the faculty or professors may have up their sleeves. Should a person say or do anything at all regarding this? If so, can or should it be done anonymously? Nursing students are under enough pressure as it is. Do we really need to add more fuel to the fire? Is this a case of shut up and put up? Why? I doubt this girl or anyone else in her shoes wants to put up with this for the next two years. I will have the upmost respect for her (I do now)if she graduates and doesn't quit school. I feel like she is being singled out to quit or fail

What would you do?

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

very interesting group dynamics. You can learn a lot about people with these observations. As for non-tolerance, be sure you are not being obnoxious in defense of your ego or you will always be in conflict. As for instructors not being fair - life is not fair. When you learn to accept that you will be more at peace. You are not responsible for the actions of others. You can make an effort to include this shy person and be kind to her, but if she chooses to quit nursing school that is HER choice, not yours. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I believe you are trying to fix too many things right now. Just concentrate on getting thru nursing school. Don't waste your energy on negative people.

[afjgnp]

Easy to say don't waste your energy on negitive people, but sometimes easier said than done. Negitivity breeds negitivty. Unfortuately life is not fair. WhenI taught, I tried to be open to my students and not jump down their throats. I have learned as much from my students as I hope they did from me. I left that arena because I had too many students "play me". One told me she was in the hospital for kdney failure, turn out it was a UTI and she just decided to "skip". Two students in one of my classes I accused of cheating. They both swore up and down they didn't. Later, one failed out and the other was caught cheating on a test. The final straw was one that had to make up an assignment, long story short, he didn't want to do it. He should have failed the final practium, however the dean interveened and he passed by the skin of his teeth. This was no kid he was older and had a family. I had enough. Now where I work there is a great deal of back biting.Myself and a new nurse get "yelled at in front of other staff. Stay in school. Concentrate on you. Do things for your own mental health, not only now but when you get out of school. Mirror behaviors you would like to see and block those that don't. I hope this helps/

[missk88]

Ah, the cut-throat environment of nursing school, gotta love it! :sarcasm: I do feel for this girl, I myself used to be a soft spoken insecure little fledgling that let others passively aggressively abuse me. The key words, "used to be". You have to be self aware and learn how to improve parts of your personality and behavior that do not work in your favor. It's part of growing up. Some people figure it out eventually on their own, others have a more difficult time. I'm glad that you're not a jerk like the others, but it's not really up to you to help or change her. You can befriend her if you want and try to help her, but the change has to come from within herself. As far as sticking up for her, you can try it, but I'm sure those manipulative clods will just play the "I don't know what you're talking about" card and try to make you look like the jerk. Honestly, I'd just keep to myself. I've found that is the best thing to do in nursing school. Granted, the people in my program do not seem as vicious, but a lot of them definitely do the whole passive aggressive thing. I don't really trust anyone or tell anyone anything too personal. It's worked out pretty well for me. I'm firm and confident in my speech, and I let others know in a calm way that I'm not one to be messed with or the type to get my jimmies rustled easily, if you will. I don't literally tell them this, of course, it's more so a demeanor, a vibe I give off. It took me a while to figure it out, though. Like I said, at first I was a fledgling, then I got sick of it and started fighting back, but way too strong and came off as mentally unstable, haha. Now others seem to not only like me but also respect me. It didn't happen over night, it took introspection and trial and error. But if I can do it, she can do it. I really hope she does. It's not only useful in nursing school but in life in general. I hope this isn't coming off as cold, but that's just how life is unfortunately. You could try reporting it anonymously, but that is the most I would do. This isn't your battle to fight. If she chooses to leave like someone else said, that's on her. She has to learn to stand her ground.

Oh, and as for the whole professor scenario, unfortunately, that's just how some of them are. Again, that's just how life is. A student should never be yelled at for asking a question, in fact the contrary, in my opinion. I feel this is a disservice to the students and their learning experience. It's a damn shame, but honestly there isn't much you can do besides give the professor a really bad evaluation at the end of the term. I remember hearing, "never tell a professor they are wrong." and I have always stuck to that. Maybe the professor feels like the student is doubting the teachers knowledge when they ask a question. Which, I'm sure isn't the case or what they were going for. However, professors like that tend to be over sensitive psychopaths that get offended over nothing. How dare you question my horrible teaching methods! I'm going to use fear mongering as a way to shut everyone up and not have to actually do my job! These people became professors for all the wrong reasons... to go on a power trip every day and make others feel inferior because they probably have some sort of weird insecurity deep down.

[I ❤ Nursing]

Why put up with it then? Other than saying, I have to and its my job. Why is it acceptable to tear down others before raising them up?

[hudabelle]

This is one of my main points of contention. Why can't adults act like (bad word here) ADULTS!!!???!!!??? I am so sick of it. All through high school we were told "you can't act this way in the real world. You need to grow up and be an adult". Why do so many people get away with not acting like an adult? So often the cliques are worse in college and at work than they ever were at (at least my) high school. Why is this OK? And why do the supervisors and instructors and higher-ups do nothing about it?