Internship scared but feeling guilty.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jul 23, 2009

I'm sorry to be so blunt but what you learned in nursing school about critical care wouldn't fill a thimble. The review of basic information is necessary so that you can build on that foundation as you learn the technical and theoretical components of critical care nursing. I've seen too many new grads come onto our ICU thinking that they know it all and finding out that they don't when a patient is harmed. They didn't realize that they really didn't know what they didn't know and the patient paid. Don't be that nurse. The fact that you were offered a position in the first place speaks highly of your potential, but you still have to learn how to walk the walk. Being a good critical care nurse doesn't happen overnight and those of us who have made critical care our career continue to learn new things every day. The learning doesn't end at convocation.

Dramqueenie1 · Jul 23, 2009

I know your right. I should be more willing to learn. I geuss I am just a little tired of sitting and anxious to actually do something.

JVRB4 · Jul 23, 2009

Congratulations Dramqueenie1! I think this is a great opportunity. I live in a very small rural town and there are only 2 hospital within 60 miles or so of my home and trust me neither of them offer anything like this. When I graduated in '08 and took a position on the med/surg unit of one of the hospitals I thought I was ready. I had done well in school graduating with honors and had no problems in clinicals. I always received good evals from my instructor and other clinical sites yet when I started my first job I felt like an idiot. I felt so incompetent, like someone removed my brain and filled my head with jello instead. I still had so many questions that I never even thought of in school. I found myself thinking how much I wish my instructor was there with me and all the responsibility was not on me. As a student I began to feel confident, partially because in the back of my mind I knew there was an instructor and a staff nurse who were also somewhat responsible for the same pt. It was kinda like walking a tight rope with a net under me. Even when we introduced ourselves to our pts we started with "I'm a student nurse" so even they only expected so much. Once I had that license and started that first job it hit me that I was the RN and they (staff, family and pt) expected me to function as one and there was no net anymore! There were other factors which I wrote in my Post "Lost, Afraid and feeling like a failure...now what?" but in the end I quit almost as soon as my orientation was over back in Dec and I have been afraid to return to nursing. My suggestion is make the most of this opportunity. You will be hands on in just a short time and then for the rest of your career. Take this time to learn everything you can, refresh things you may have forgotten and "fine tune" your skills and knowledge. Do not feel guilty for this opportunity YOU EARNED IT! No one just gave it to you anymore than you were just given your license. Good luck! and again Congratulations on becoming an RN and getting your first job! :yeah: :nurse:

jjjoy, LPN · Jul 23, 2009

I can understand the frustration of having yet more classroom instruction without much additional clinical exposure to real, live patients. I feel like I can only learn so much without having the clinical experience and exposure with which to both reinforce and to stimulate *applied* learning. Learning about lab values and symptomatology and procedures and treatments only goes so far without having exposure to *actual* *real-time* clinical scenarios with which to compare what my *ideas* are to what the *reality* is that I will be responsible for in a very short time. To me, it feels like a bunch of mechanical parts uselessly clunking around in my head without any structure in which to anchor those parts and fit them into a working system.

Unfortunately for me, much of the learning in nursing seems to follow a "dump a ton of info in" first and let the student/newbie "sort it all out" later. I can see why that happens; otherwise, it would probably cost more to educate and train up new nurses.

In your case, whoever did the hiring saw something in you that they liked. Unless you misrepresented yourself in some way, there is NO reason to feel guilty about being offered and accepting that job. You got it fair and square. And there's nothing wrong with being frustrated with MORE classroom instruction as long as you don't let it spoil your attitude & willingness to learn. Perhaps you can ask about opportunities to shadow (unpaid) during the weeks of classroom instruction so that you can get a bit more context for what you're covering.

I certainly wouldn't recommend quitting unless the job market is better where you are and you've got an iron-clad offer somewhere you *know* would be a better fit. Otherwise, you could end up looking for another job longer than it takes to get through the classroom portion of this orientation.

It may not be your ideal image of what you wish a new grad orientation were, but most facilities' new grad programs aren't anywhere close to anyone's ideal either.

Best wishes!