where's my *insert parent figure here*

[bringtherain]

I know as a pediatric home care nurse - I am there to help care for the child when the parents are unable to meet the pts care requriements. They have other children to tend to, or they work. I understand - that is why I am there.

But it seems like, with some of the pts I care for, their parents just dont seem to *parent.* Example: Child wants to come out of the room (where they have to stay most of the day) and play with siblings. Being siblings, they get in a fight - and then parent tells child "quit fighting and go with the nurse." And so, it's back to the room we go - and the child is upset.

They never seem to come in to spend time with them. Even when they are there all day, do not work, or have no other children to care for. They just go on living their lives - going out, or watching TV or doing whatever it is they do - and the child and I are in their room. It's like another little world in the room. Secluded. Once in a while, they pop in and say "hey" but then leave again.

Some of the kids get really excited - then crushed when the parents come "in and out"

Others don't seem to care at all. It is like there is no attachment. They are more used to the nurse caring for them, that they are more attached to the nurse than the parent - and the parent has seperated themselves from the child.

does this happen because the nurses are there all the time, and they were never given the opportunity to properly bond and care for the child - or is it because they enjoy the freedom the nurse gives them?

Sometimes I want to say with some of my able patients "hey, lets go to the park today" or "He does not have to stay in his room all day, he can come out and play or watch tv, too!"

And rather than redirect bad behavior - they have the nurse re-direct - and simply ignore.

*sigh*

I know - it is one of the things you have to get used to as a pedi nurse, it's just sad when the child feels so alienated from their own family.

At least I am there. :] I will watch cartoons with them, and read them stories - if they won't.

[OCD_Mom]

You seem to be a great nurse with a big heart (wish you were here when we needed help with our son.) Honestly as a parent avoidance and out of sight out of mind. You provide escapism, I can't tell you how many times I wanted to run and hide from the reality of my child not being "perfect" or "normal." The parents are hiding from thier child and probably their own guilt for making their child "sick." Though it is difficult to tell a parent how to be parent it can't hurt to provide a suggestion of interaction for the child and see if the parent goes for it. If they do say something encouraging to show how this improves the child's day, even the littlest changes in the child. Thanks for caring!

[auburngirl95]

Destinyfay said what I was thinking. parents with sick or chronically ill children need an escape. for some they may detach almost completely bc the "ideal" child they longed for is not so.

I also work in ped HH. I have seen both sides of the scale as I work in a group home situation. Some kids get visits and some dont. I work nights so our interactions are limited to just a few hours, when they are not sleeping. but I love the smiles and giggles I get from those kids.

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

Hmmm, well, I've been on both sides of the bed. When I was a younger nurse I worked in a surgical NICU. We had one baby who had esophageal atresia and was very sick for about 5 months. During that time her parents came in and interacted with her frequently, but they also took a 2 week trip to Honolulu, which I didn't understand--your kid's in ICU and you're off to Hawaii? What terrible parents!

Well, I've had my come-uppance. I had my own special needs baby. Christian is very mentally handicapped, vision/hearing impaired, and has a seizure disorder. At 14, he has no self-help skills and needs supervision 24hrs/day. Until very recently my DH & I & our wonderful 2 older kids have been taking care of him and let me tell you, it is a VERY HARD job. About 3 weeks ago we got approved by the state for some nursing care on the weekends, 3 hours Fri/Sat/Sun. What a relief! We can go out to dinner or a movie without having to haul Christian and his diaper bag. Tonight our nurse came and we were out the door in record time--6 minutes! You cannot imagine what it's like until you live with a child who has consuming healthcare needs. In fact, our weekends have given us such a sense of normalcy (not to mention and extra set of eyes & hands to help with Christian) that we petitioned for hours during the week as well. Today we got the good news--2-1/2 hours Mon-Thurs, plus 3 hours Fri-Sun.

I'm older and wiser now. I'm sure there are parents that do not bond with their chronically ill children. In fact, I know some personally. But until I walk a few miles in their shoes I will not pass judgement.