Imposter syndrome

If you are not being counseled by admin/preceptor about improvements that you need to make (in other words, if seem to be doing okay even though you may not feel like it) then carry on.

Unfortunately I agree/would strongly advise against verbalizing insecurities in the environment you describe. Instead, you can come here to get them off your chest if you want!

My view is that if you are actually progressing appropriately in the orientation then you're doing just fine. Don't borrow trouble.

Maintain professionalism and a good attitude for learning. Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to be objective rather than self-deprecatory. Example: You say they talk behind people's back -- well, then, if they do talk about you who cares? You know what I mean? That's apparently just what they do. Don't spend time thinking it's because you said something stupid or because you're new or you're not doing good enough. Forget all that, and forget worrying about what they're doing--that is 100% on them and their problem and it certainly doesn't need to become yours.

Hang in there. ??

JKL, thank you. My preceptor has spoken to me a few times about things to work on and I have done so. This part of my orientation did not start off so well as I originally was with a nurse who, while very nice, super knowledgeable and friendly, wasn't the best preceptor and I lost several weeks  of a quality orientation.
I was at a point where I was feeling confident and as on top of my game as I should be at this point until today when my preceptor talked to me about a few things that had happened the other day that took me completely by surprise. So my happy bubble popped and had me thinking about going back to LTC where most of my experience is.

Don't let anyone force you to turn back! I worked many areas, primarily acute care, as an LPN. Becoming an RN opened doors where I was not even interested in turning the knob. I'm an introvert; so I rarely, if ever, give half a flip about what people think. Since receiving the ASN 14 years ago, I've now in the process of pursuing the DNP after obtaining each degree one step at a time as a different door opened.

Keep your head up. Keep learning. Embrace each mistake as a new learning opportunity. When it's time, you'll unfortunately have to leave some folks behind as your journey continues. Keep learning, vent appropriately, and keep it moving.

Thank you so much and congratulations on starting the DNP. I started writing down 3 things I've learned and 3 things I have done well after each shift and just started journaling to get these feelings out. It could be that a lot of it is in my head and I am creating problems where there aren't any but that doesn't stop the fact that I don't trust anyone on my unit. 
I'm an introvert as well but I do care what people think about me...what's your secret to not caring?

I don't care because I've learned over the years that no matter how thorough, skilled, caring, compassionate, or kind you are, there will ALWAYS be one or a few people that dislike your mere existence in space. Nothing can be done about it, so why waste the energy focusing on other people's thoughts? In the end, you will be the one losing sleep while they go on to resent the next person who does just one thing better than them.

Heaven forbid if you suck at what you do...those are grounds for execution in their eyes. You have to just laugh at them. They are thinking about you because you are likely far more interesting than the person in their mirrors.

Now this is not to say that you must tolerate toxic environments. When the time was right, I put those in the rear view mirror. Just keep in mind that nobody is making you be where you are. That's the beauty of it all...you can walk whenever YOU choose.?

Unfortunately I am stuck where I am, having signed a new grad contract. Leaving before 2 years will cost me several thousand dollars in payback. I'm hoping things get better and I won't have to leave but I am definitely keeping my options open. 

Even this is a valuable learning opportunity: you will encounter offers that come with sign-on bonuses. Never except an opportunity that you can't repay right away. If the money looks really good, the dollars come with a price you may not want to pay.

Given your new-grad status, no one would expect you to bail on the contract. You'll learn valuable skills here as well as witness some what-not-to-do's. Take it all in and file it where it needs to be for the appropriate time. You will come into your own version of caring and not-caring when it's time, and will know when to exercise each accordingly.??

welcome to nursing like high school all over again.

Not everything needs a name. Insecurity, hesitation and hypervigilance are defense mechanisms when you're new. Acknowledge them, appreciate them to the extent that they keep you from more difficulty than you could potentially have and be aware when they are an impediment to your function as a novice RN. Discomfort in unfamiliar settings is normal and good.

Some units are more toxic than others. Sounds like you have the right attitude and are doing what you need to do, are teachable, etc., and that the problem lies with the unit, not you.  

If you can stick it out, maybe you can be the one to change the culture, once you are established there. I'm doing that where I work right now (relatively new job, new hosp. system). I kept being kind, enduring the crap, and doing my best job. I finally got noticed for the person and nurse I really am.  I'm still not 'one of them,' but I've got 30+ years under my belt in the specialty. Then, a management change allowed those of us who wanted to improve things have a supportive person who is willing to stand up to the bullies and make it happen.

Sometimes you have to be patient and wait for the perfect storm.