I'm infertile...and worried about my OB rotation

Shanny246 · Feb 16, 2011

You recently commented on my post (my son Connor passed at 19 months), so I thought I would do the same for you!

I know that our situations are different, but losing a child is losing a child, no matter the age. I know what it is like to never really hear your child laugh, cry, or talk (as Connor had a trach...and before that he was intubated), to never see your child walk, or crawl...but wasn't it such a blessing that we just got to carry our children! We got to feel them growing inside of us...we got to hold them inside of us while they came to life, and hold them once they had passed (the saddest thing I have ever done...).

Try to think of it this way: your daughter will be in your arms every time you witness a birth. She will be right there with her Mommy, keeping her strong. And God forbid you witness a stillbirth, you will be there for the family that is going through the loss...you can tell them that you understand what they are going through...and that will help them. You CAN do this!!!!! It will be hard, you have the right to cry...but you can do this!

My sister gave birth to her 3rd child only 8 months after Connor passed away, she asked me to be in the room. I knew how hard it would be for me, but I sttod at the head of her bed, and when my niece came out I cried. I cried that she was having her 3rd healthy baby, and that I had just lost my baby boy...but then I knew that Connor was there with me. He is the reason I had the strength to stand in the room and be there for my sister/his Auntie :)

I wish you the best of luck. Also, remember that no matter what, you ARE a Mommy. Your beautiful baby girl is just living in Heaven, and some day you will be with her. The next time you see her it will be for forever...never have to say goodbye again :)

Southern Magnolia · Feb 16, 2011

I haven't started ns yet but I lost one of my twins when they were a month old and have had four miscarriages in the last two years. I know how you feel when you see babies or pregnant women. Add to that list twins or little girls my twins age (my surviving twin and older child are boys) and you can imagine the number of triggers I have in a day.

It has been four years tomorrow since our daughter passed away and I can't say it has gotten easier but I will say that I choose to not let myself give in to despair. I'm sorry if this sounds uncaring (I'm not trying to be) but you have to make a choice to function and thrive in spite of your heartache.

I still feel my heart breaking every time I see a baby girl or a set of twins but I try to focus on not letting it consume me. I just remind myself that this life isn't over yet and someday I might have a little girl to raise (we're considering adoption). But even if that never happens my loss will help me be a better nurse I think.

When we have the opportunity to deal with a mother that has lost a child we will know the depth of that agony and hopefully turn this horrible thing into a little bit of good.

As others mentioned if you haven't talked to someone it isn't a bad idea or join a loss support group. Sometimes just knowing that someone else knows the depth of your hurt goes a long way.

Best wishes,

Faith's MOM.

lsk40 · Feb 17, 2011

We go to all the different O.B. departments like NICU L&D and all the others our males don't go to L&D so maybe if there is a place you feel more comfortable going to like NICU you could talk to your teacher and just go there but I will say this when I did postpartum we were only in the room a few mins at a time our teacher was like you guys need to get in and get out we spent most of the time at the nurses station and so far Im the only one who has been able to see a birth and that because I stayed almost 3hrs over