I'm done

[Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP]

I think the last straw just broke the camel's back. I 've been working in a 16-bedded ICU in a leading University Hospital since Jan 05 and lately I found the workload was getting heavier and heavier. They keep introducing new things like CVVH (continuous hemodialysis) with only a couple of hours training and then expect us to just take a patient on CVVH as if we know what we are doing. Any complaint is looked down upon very stiffly. We are now also taking balloon pump patients. We have been doing open heart patients for a while as we are a cardiac surgery center but lately the downgrading of still very sick patients has been rife. It's not unknown to get 3 patients, some of whom are still intubated.

A few weeks ago I had the most awful shift I have ever had. I was given one patient who was freshly extubated who was confused and desaturating and one patient due to come as an emergent transfer from the floor as a Rapid Response team effort. She arrived during report as soon as I walked on the unit, and from that moment on my feet never hit the ground. It was non-stop as the woman rapidly deteriorated and ended up needing more than 100 units of blood products over the next 2 days. She went into DIC and started bleeding from every orifice including her Swan Ganz site, her central line site and her arterial line site. I never once managed to even look into my other patient. I didn't even know what she looked like. This patient was dying in front of me and I couldn't leave the room, but the charge nurse refused to give my other assignment to someone else. After about 5 hours of this I told her I was refusing the second assignment because I could not physically leave the room of the other patient as she was in DIC and receiving constant blood products. It was not until 5am that she finally gave the patient to someone else and didn't even tell me. Someone had been looking in on her and taking vitals but I was supposed to be responsible for her and could not be. I felt very vulnerable and in a dangerous position.

I had the lady in DIC the next day too. I was so stressed out and running around trying to save this woman an no-one came into help. They just sat at the front desk drinking coffee and eating cake while I ran myself ragged. I didn't even get to eat, or use the bathroom for 10 hours and got no break. At least they had made her a one-to-one. On the third day the patient died despite our efforts, and of course she died on my shift and again...no help or support. I had to deal with weeping family members and helping them reach a decision of DNR. I was also responbsible for turning off all the pressors and know that my actions were causing someone's death. Within 15 minutes of my patient dying I was informed of another admission which I would take. No time to take in what had happened or feel any grief...I had the body transported, did the paperwork and prepared for another patient, who as my luck would have it, was the highest level criteria ICU patient....a one-to-one patient. Again, the whole scenario starts over again. All in all I had three days of non-stop heart-stopping stress with no help or support. At 4am, I spontaneously sustained a back injury. It started as a nerve pain and eventually I was having difficulty getting out of a chair or walking. I went home sick because I couldn't function at all. The next day it was even worse so I went to the ER. I have been off sick for 3 weeks in severe pain...I couldn't walk, I couldn't stand and I couldn't sit.

To cut a long story short...I've seen 5 doctors in 3 weeks, and no one can tell me why I have been in such severe pain. No one from work has called to see how I am, my worker's comp was denied and I feel completely let down by the system. I don't know when I can go back to work and I am not earning any money as I only had 3 sick days and vacation days. I am worried and distraught. I worry that if I go back to work this will happen again and I am dreading the stress and total overwork. I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I worked the most awful week of my 18 yr career, got injured and now feel completely abandoned. I am from England and not used to having no sick pay and not used to being able to refuse things when I think they are unsafe. I feel nurses are treated appallingly here, and now I could just lie here and rot and no one would care. I feel totally burned out and am now considering my employment options. I really don't want to do this anymore....I am injuring myself both physically and mentally. I don't even know the point of this post...I am at a loss as what to do now. I just feel traumatised.

[KeithEMU]

Personally I would consult a lawyer. If your injury occored on the job they should cover your workers comp, even if they deny it. A lawyer can tell you the appeal process and help you if it needs to go farther. It also sounds like where you work was acting negligent by not supporting you. All the more reason to get legal advice.

[ERNurse752, RN]

I would also consult a lawyer. Beyond that, I don't really have any advice...I just wanted to say I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I hope you get well soon. I hope you don't have to go back to that job, and good luck finding something better.

[lovemyjob]

My husband went through workers comp for a serious back injury several years ago and all i can say is get a lawyer and get a good one. Make sure they specialize in workers comp. Also, contact your state workers compensation board. My husbands company tried to deny him, but the board can make them. I wish you the best of luck, the road ahead of you is not an easy one.