If I struggled being a L&D nurse, will I struggle as a CNM?

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Specializes in L&D.

Hello!

I was a full-time L&D nurse for 4 years on night shift. I struggled with the learning curve and I suffered from anxiety. At the 1.5-2 year mark, I finally felt better and I had my stride for a bit. At the 3 year mark, the anxiety came back with a vengeance. I was miserable at work, constantly questioning myself and I had zero confidence. Full-time was very difficult for me, and I felt like I just wasn't doing a good job at L&D. The call shifts were getting to me. I would feel drained even before going in the for night. It became too much. So I left. I am now in a busy OB/GYN office in a nursing role that is not patient-facing. I do telephone triage. 

I am feeling a huge pull toward becoming a CNM that is hard to ignore. My husband thinks it will be the same stress level for me as being a L&D nurse. He's probably right, but why can't I shake this feeling that I really need to do it? I am currently enrolled in a FNP program that will be cost-effective, and it isn't something I think I'd hate. I might end up loving it so much that I don't want to do CNM anymore. I don't start clinical for my FNP program for another 2 years, so I do have time to think about it.

I'd love any advice. Thank you!

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Specializes in OB.

What specifically about working L&D made you anxious?  And what specifically pulls you towards midwifery at the moment?  I have been a CNM for 7 years now, and there is definitely still a baseline of mild anxiety that comes with the job, particularly with being on call, for me personally.  But the joys of the job outweigh this.  Sounds like a pause and some introspection would be helpful.  Also, I wouldn't do an FNP program just because I think it's something I "wouldn't hate," even if it's cost effective-- that's a lot of time and money to invest in something you're not quite sure of.  

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Specializes in L&D.
9 hours ago, LibraSunCNM said:

What specifically about working L&D made you anxious?  And what specifically pulls you towards midwifery at the moment?  I have been a CNM for 7 years now, and there is definitely still a baseline of mild anxiety that comes with the job, particularly with being on call, for me personally.  But the joys of the job outweigh this.  Sounds like a pause and some introspection would be helpful.  Also, I wouldn't do an FNP program just because I think it's something I "wouldn't hate," even if it's cost effective-- that's a lot of time and money to invest in something you're not quite sure of.  

Thank you for your reply. It is appreciated. 

I think some of it was related to having to be away from home at night 3-4 nights per week. I only saw my fiancé (now husband) half the week due to working opposite schedules. We were having a rocky time in our relationship, which made home life stressful. It was a lonely time. 

 I also felt that sometimes I wasn’t quite sure what to do with a strip sometimes, or questioned if I was overthinking something and I was going to call the provider for something I should have known already. I also worried that the providers might think I’m too dumb to do L&D nursing. Or what if I missed something that needed addressed and I just didn’t see it? Basically, I was anxious all the time. I also got yelled at by physicians a couple times (not enjoyable) and I witnessed my coworkers being belittled by providers in front of patients. I wanted to feel helpful, not harmful or in the way. It got to the point that my anxiety and health was already on thin ice from night shift, then I had a bad outcome and that sealed the deal for me with quitting inpatient obstetrics. 
 

I feel that midwifery would be a fulfilling career. I love women’s health and I have a difficult time seeing myself doing anything different. I also love birth. I might just become a childbirth educator or something in the birth field without being a nurse or provider. I think I need to seek out a therapist about this. But your questions made me think. 

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Specializes in OB.
1 hour ago, Skips said:

Thank you for your reply. It is appreciated. 

I think some of it was related to having to be away from home at night 3-4 nights per week. I only saw my fiancé (now husband) half the week due to working opposite schedules. We were having a rocky time in our relationship, which made home life stressful. It was a lonely time. 

 I also felt that sometimes I wasn’t quite sure what to do with a strip sometimes, or questioned if I was overthinking something and I was going to call the provider for something I should have known already. I also worried that the providers might think I’m too dumb to do L&D nursing. Or what if I missed something that needed addressed and I just didn’t see it? Basically, I was anxious all the time. I also got yelled at by physicians a couple times (not enjoyable) and I witnessed my coworkers being belittled by providers in front of patients. I wanted to feel helpful, not harmful or in the way. It got to the point that my anxiety and health was already on thin ice from night shift, then I had a bad outcome and that sealed the deal for me with quitting inpatient obstetrics. 
 

I feel that midwifery would be a fulfilling career. I love women’s health and I have a difficult time seeing myself doing anything different. I also love birth. I might just become a childbirth educator or something in the birth field without being a nurse or provider. I think I need to seek out a therapist about this. But your questions made me think. 

I completely understand the stresses of working nights on a relationship.  I couldn't go back to working straight nights like I did as a nurse, luckily with my schedule now it's only a few nights per month.

I also understand the anxieties of the job itself, and having a lack of confidence/overthinking things.  When you combine that with difficulties with night shift, and a traumatic experience like a bad birth outcome, it can be overwhelming.  I like being in the provider role, but it definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea and I also certainly have moments I wish I could take back or decisions I wish I'd made differently.  As stressful as the job can be, I wasn't fulfilled as a floor nurse.  As a postpartum nurse, I'd often take care of women who had clearly had traumatic birth experiences or ridiculous amounts of unnecessary interventions, and wish I could have been there to do things totally differently.  I like having the ability to be pretty independent and autonomous.  

It sounds like you were a nurse in a setting where you had to be pretty independent in managing labors for MDs, but ran the risk of getting chewed out if you did things they didn't like?  That's unfortunately extremely common and doesn't help build confidence, and is in no way your fault.  I wish you well in whatever you decide.

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Specializes in L&D.
1 hour ago, LibraSunCNM said:

I completely understand the stresses of working nights on a relationship.  I couldn't go back to working straight nights like I did as a nurse, luckily with my schedule now it's only a few nights per month.

I also understand the anxieties of the job itself, and having a lack of confidence/overthinking things.  When you combine that with difficulties with night shift, and a traumatic experience like a bad birth outcome, it can be overwhelming.  I like being in the provider role, but it definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea and I also certainly have moments I wish I could take back or decisions I wish I'd made differently.  As stressful as the job can be, I wasn't fulfilled as a floor nurse.  As a postpartum nurse, I'd often take care of women who had clearly had traumatic birth experiences or ridiculous amounts of unnecessary interventions, and wish I could have been there to do things totally differently.  I like having the ability to be pretty independent and autonomous.  

It sounds like you were a nurse in a setting where you had to be pretty independent in managing labors for MDs, but ran the risk of getting chewed out if you did things they didn't like?  That's unfortunately extremely common and doesn't help build confidence, and is in no way your fault.  I wish you well in whatever you decide.

Yes, you are spot on in describing my experience as a labor nurse. This helped a lot. Thank you.

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