I will not kick myself...

[Twoyearnurse]

It never ceases to amaze me how at almost 3 years sober I can still create an uphill battle for myself.

I got a job! Sounds swell right? Except I lost some very important identifying information and can not start until I can produce it for photocopy. I applied for a replica, but alas, I can not start until I give it over. Ack. What a mess.

Let's take this back three years ago. I tortured myself over things like this. You know how it goes- how could I be so stupid, I brought this on myself, life is over, I am probably the worst human to have ever existed. I lost months of sleep over things like this.

Now to today. The past day has been awful. Same story. Telling myself I don't deserve to cry over this frustration, because I did it to myself. I chaotically searched in a very addictive manner. Maybe I'll just open this same scrap of paper for the 50th time and it will magically be what I am looking for. Maybe it's in the basement? Spoiler alert- it never was, and never will be in the basement.

How have I grown? One day of oh-my-god-you-are-just-the-worst and today I am cleaning. I am not looking for said information, just cleaning. And if I can't find it? Oh well. I'll push forward, the copy will come, and maybe, just maybe, the job will be available. If not- I'll find another.

I won't lie and say I don't feel an edge of frustration and maybe even a little sorry for myself. I can't say that. But I do recognize that what is done is done and I can only do what I can do.

And I took out my guitar and sang a sad song.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

*hug* Ohhhh the all important reams of documentation! Elusive SOB's when we need them. Been there done that and I definitely feel your pain.

That said, you have done all you can to replace the item. What is done is done.

I have had to really work hard to stop beating the hell out of myself for what is, as above, done. One thing that worked for me, as crazy as it sounds, is visualizing myself standing there with one foot in yesterday, the other in the future, while I'm pissing all over today.