I have been an LPN for 18 1/2 years. I have also had a problem with extreme shyness and anxiety. I had 3 jobs in my first 3 years of nursing and then I took a job in a psychiatric hospital lasting 12 years. After that I was feeling a little burnt out and wanting a change. My husband wanted me home with the kids and it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I did not work for 2 years. Our financial situation changed and I went back to work. I discovered how much I'd missed patient care. But I also discovered that I had much more anxiety working now than I had before. I have had 5 jobs this year, none lasting more than 3 months. The first lasted 3 months, their med room was unorganized, they ran short on meds and borrowed from other patients (including narcotics). After returning from days off, I learned in report that a resident had been without a med for 5 days. It was a psych. med and his behavior had been significantly affected by the missed doses. Add to that 5 incident reports in one day and the DON had walked out (everyone had assumed she quit). My shift had not even began and I was shaking and in tears. I told the ADON that this would be my last shift. She talked me out of quitting for the time being. I ended up quitting 3 weeks later. I found a new job a month later. It was afternoon shift so my child went to daycare after school and my husband would pick him upfrom daycare when he finished work. Well in the 3 weeks that I worked, daycare forgot to pick my child up after school 3 times. After the 3rd time, my husband was livid, and demanded I quit right then. So I did, with no notice. I then found a job that I loved. The work load was heavier than any of my previous jobs but my anxiety was at a comfortable level which I believe was due to the staff that I worked with. My aides truly cared about the job they were doing. And I had a DON and fellow LPNs that I could actually turn to for help when I needed it. But the job was too far from home(1 1/2 hours one way) and working nights I would often catch myself falling asleep on the drive home. Not to mention the miles I put on the vehicle. After a month I found a job close to home and higher pay but I knew after a week, I couldnt do it, and my other job was asking me to reconsider my resignation. So I quit the new job and kept the far away job. I stayed 2 more months but the long drive and working nights was catching up with me. I was so exhausted that I got nothing done on my days off. My house was a mess and I had no clue what my kids were doing. My husband was unhappy with all the extra slack he was having to pick up due to me working all the time. I found another job close to home. The pay was not so great but it was closer and the shifts were shorter. I was hired as part time but it was actually full time. I had to do a procedure with a patient that I had not done since nursing school (almost 20 years ago) and was nervous about it. When I tried to talk to my relief nurse about it, she acted like I was stupid. I had worked a few nights and then they pulled me to another shift. I did have orientation for the new shift but I still did not know any of the patients (I had only learned a few on the night shift as most were sleeping). The nurse I oriented with expected me to do the shift pretty much alone (even though I didnt know most of the patients) while she caught up on paperwork. Then the first time I worked this shift alone, I had orders to note, then a medical emergency, I became behind in my treatments, I coudnt find an aide when I needed one, and I had no clue if all bathes were done. I felt like I had no cooperation from the aides at all. Once I got home I worried all night about if or what I had missed. I couldnt sleep for all of my stress. I had a headache from all the crying and was sick to my stomach. So I called before my next shift and quit. This was the third time I had quit with no notice. My boss called me 2 days later and left messages but I never returned her call. So now I am unemployed and I have burned another bridge. I have been a nurse long enough to know what the job entails. But anytime there is a bump in the road, I have that dizzy, sick to my stomach feeling and sometimes it is just to overwhelming. I am usually able to keep it together while I am at work. But when I get home I fall apart. And then my husband pressures me to quit. I wish I had never quit the psych hospital. I really did love it but I was tired of the politics and I had the opportunity for the first time in my life to be home with my children. My job choices are limited because of the rural area we live in. As crazy as it sounds, I want to go back to school for RN. My husband doesnt want me to work. He also doesn't believe nursing suits me because of my shyness and going back to school would be a waste of time. I honestly have a love-hate relationship with nursing. I think that if I wasn't so quick to quit, that I would have eventually become comfortable somewhere.I am embarassed and ashamed when people ask about my job to have to say that I quit again. I am just seeking others opinions about this.
It sounds like you're really stressed and that you may have some anxiety issues or depression (see a doc..don't just care for patients and not yourself). Perhaps you should try some relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. It also sounds like your husband is one of your stressors....some marital counseling couldn't hurt either. It seems like he expects you to simply stay at home, take care of the kids, and give up your dreams in the process. He should be encouraging and supporting you instead. What happened to compromise in a marriage. My mom held down a full-time job while raising my siblings and myself with no problem...perhaps you also need to find a different daycare center. I live in the big city..so I don't know how rural areas are..but maybe you can find a job that also offers child care. Maybe even consider home health nursing for an agency. You could go on home health visits or sit with the patient for 8hrs or more. I know some nurses that do home health and they love it. They start at 9am, are done by 3pm, and can go pick up their kids from day care when they're done. Best of luck to you hon. I really hope you and your husband communicate openly about this situation b/c you don't want to give up your dreams only to resent him for it later (seriously think about that). And as far as your RN, go for it! Then you'll have even more options open to you where you can work per-diem at an acute care facility and still be able to take care of your children.
I read your post. What the others have said about homecare is true, however, in a rural area it might be hard to come by. Maybe you could do nursing administrative work, Mds coordinator or something. Can you go back to your previous job at the hospital psyche unit, at least part time? If you want to become an RN go for it. There will probably be more job opportunities. I know as an LPN I am limited. Good Luck.
I have struggled with social anxiety all of my life. I think now it is worse because I didn't work for two years so I was able to avoid any situation that was potentially stressful. New jobs are always stressful but even more so when you are as shy as I am.
I had the same job for 12 years and was very comfortable in it. Since returning to nursing, I have not stayed anywhere long enough really to get comfortable. I was just getting comfortable in one job when I needed to quit (after just 3 months) because of the distance. I put 2500 miles on my car in just three weeks. I was working 12 hour nightshifts, sometimes longer and then driving 3 hours total there and back. So I was putting in a total of 15-18 hours which left no time for cleaning my house or much time to spend with my family on the days that I worked. When I got home, everyone was leaving for work or school. I would sleep, wake to shower, and then it was time to go to work.
I dont think I said I was forgetting to do things. I would just continually worry that I might have missed something. I can check, double check, and triple check the charts, the MARs, and the treatments. Still I will worry that there is something I missed.
I believe when I said "forgetting to do things" it was referring directly to when you said you forgot to pick up your child from daycare 3 times.
himilayaneyes
493 Posts
It sounds like you're really stressed and that you may have some anxiety issues or depression (see a doc..don't just care for patients and not yourself). Perhaps you should try some relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. It also sounds like your husband is one of your stressors....some marital counseling couldn't hurt either. It seems like he expects you to simply stay at home, take care of the kids, and give up your dreams in the process. He should be encouraging and supporting you instead. What happened to compromise in a marriage. My mom held down a full-time job while raising my siblings and myself with no problem...perhaps you also need to find a different daycare center. I live in the big city..so I don't know how rural areas are..but maybe you can find a job that also offers child care. Maybe even consider home health nursing for an agency. You could go on home health visits or sit with the patient for 8hrs or more. I know some nurses that do home health and they love it. They start at 9am, are done by 3pm, and can go pick up their kids from day care when they're done. Best of luck to you hon. I really hope you and your husband communicate openly about this situation b/c you don't want to give up your dreams only to resent him for it later (seriously think about that). And as far as your RN, go for it! Then you'll have even more options open to you where you can work per-diem at an acute care facility and still be able to take care of your children.