I still feel like I know nothing…

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Specializes in Home health.

I’m in need of support and encouragement… I have “been” a nurse for 8 years and I feel like I am a horrible nurse. I feel like I have forgotten everything I ever learned in nursing school. I started my career by working as a private duty nurse with “medically complex technology dependent” patients. I was basically a ventilator nurse for 5.5 years of my career. I had some cool experiences as a private duty nurse but I felt stuck and like I wasn’t leaning or growing as a nurse. I suppose I would summarize my experience as a private duty nurse as “glorified babysitting”… sure I did know trach care well, could suction in my sleep, and could easily follow any Gtube feeding schedule/ administer PO and Gtube meds with no problem… however I lost a lot of my knowledge. Nursing school was super challenging for me, I suffered major depression, anxiety issues, was diagnosed with ADD… later I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in my junior year of college. 
 

Flash forward, I am now 33 and have switched to home health nursing. This is my third nursing job. I have been in home health approximately 2 years. My first year as a home health nurse, I was sent out into the field with no training… I struggled and looked at home health as primarily delivery of nursing procedures in a patient’s home. I learned on that job but also was not adequately trained. Now I work for a home health agency associated with a large hospital system and they have incredible standards and many expectations. I’m struggling, in July I will have worked with this company a year… during that time I have faced daily insecurities about my knowledge and experience. I feel like I know nothing and that I do not know how to educate patients, I feel like I’m mentally slow, and I definitely do not recall so much of what I learned in nursing school. I struggle to keep up with documentation, patient loads, case management and I absolutely detest SOCs. I just do not want to feel so alone, has anyone else been a nurse for several years and still struggle? I have looked several topics up on this site and most of the topics are about new grads and being in nursing school… I am past that phase of the journey and I am still struggling as a more “seasoned” nurse. In many regards I still feel like a new nurse. I feel like I still have so much to learn. I have the compassion to be a nurse but even after all I have accomplished I do not feel like a “good” nurse. Is there anyone else out there can relate? 
 

I truly feel like I need to go back to nursing school and try to relearn all I don’t know. I couldn’t even imagine taking the boards again, I passed on the first try in 76 questions… but feel like I was just really good at guessing with multiple choice questions. Today, I try to do NCLEX practice questions and my success rate is awful… the predictor says I would have a 6% chance of passing my boards. 
 

Am I just being really hard on myself or am I a liability as a nurse at this point in the game? 

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.
On 6/9/2022 at 1:47 PM, RnAshley.S said:

I’m in need of support and encouragement… I have “been” a nurse for 8 years and I feel like I am a horrible nurse. I feel like I have forgotten everything I ever learned in nursing school. I started my career by working as a private duty nurse with “medically complex technology dependent” patients. I was basically a ventilator nurse for 5.5 years of my career. I had some cool experiences as a private duty nurse but I felt stuck and like I wasn’t leaning or growing as a nurse. I suppose I would summarize my experience as a private duty nurse as “glorified babysitting”… sure I did know trach care well, could suction in my sleep, and could easily follow any Gtube feeding schedule/ administer PO and Gtube meds with no problem… however I lost a lot of my knowledge. Nursing school was super challenging for me, I suffered major depression, anxiety issues, was diagnosed with ADD… later I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in my junior year of college. 
 

Flash forward, I am now 33 and have switched to home health nursing. This is my third nursing job. I have been in home health approximately 2 years. My first year as a home health nurse, I was sent out into the field with no training… I struggled and looked at home health as primarily delivery of nursing procedures in a patient’s home. I learned on that job but also was not adequately trained. Now I work for a home health agency associated with a large hospital system and they have incredible standards and many expectations. I’m struggling, in July I will have worked with this company a year… during that time I have faced daily insecurities about my knowledge and experience. I feel like I know nothing and that I do not know how to educate patients, I feel like I’m mentally slow, and I definitely do not recall so much of what I learned in nursing school. I struggle to keep up with documentation, patient loads, case management and I absolutely detest SOCs. I just do not want to feel so alone, has anyone else been a nurse for several years and still struggle? I have looked several topics up on this site and most of the topics are about new grads and being in nursing school… I am past that phase of the journey and I am still struggling as a more “seasoned” nurse. In many regards I still feel like a new nurse. I feel like I still have so much to learn. I have the compassion to be a nurse but even after all I have accomplished I do not feel like a “good” nurse. Is there anyone else out there can relate? 
 

I truly feel like I need to go back to nursing school and try to relearn all I don’t know. I couldn’t even imagine taking the boards again, I passed on the first try in 76 questions… but feel like I was just really good at guessing with multiple choice questions. Today, I try to do NCLEX practice questions and my success rate is awful… the predictor says I would have a 6% chance of passing my boards. 
 

Am I just being really hard on myself or am I a liability as a nurse at this point in the game? 

You have spent most of your career in positions where you work alone.  Maybe you need the stimulation of working alongside other nurses where you can bounce back ideas immediately.  Working alone isn't for everyone.  We all tend to forget most of what we learned in nursing school when we don't get to apply it.  Also keep in mind that a lot of what you learned in nursing school has already changed...stuff just turns over so quickly.  You also sound depressed which sucks a lot out of your thinking cap.  Work on that first before quit what you are doing now because you don't sound like a person who's in a good place to be making a stressful change right now.  Good luck to you and let us know how things work out.

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Just wanted to drop by to say you’re not alone. I worked on a pre/post procedure unit for 7 years then moved to another state and am floor nursing on a tele floor for the first time and feel overwhelmed at times. I bought some refresher books and took some classes offered by the hospital to help, which has. Someone who worked day surgery who went to work as a private duty nurse would probably also feel the same way as we do. We are continuously learning and picking up new skills. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Wishing you well 

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