I Prefer a Male Nurse...

[ymartinez176]

Hello everyone!

Recently during my clinical rotations, I encountered a patient that told me that he prefers male nurses. Luckily, my preceptor is a male and so this patient allowed me to work with him during the shift as long as my preceptor was there. At one point I stepped into the patient's room to hang a bag of NS without my preceptor, and this patient began saying rude comments about female nurses and had a general bad attitude. Soon after, my preceptor came into the room and immediately my patient's demeanor changed and suddenly he became pleasant. I can understand patients feeling more comfortable receiving cares from people their same gender but to undermine female nurses is something different.

Many times, patients will not get a choice and be assigned a female or male nurse despite their preference. Has anyone else experienced situations like this, and if so, how do you deal with it without taking rude comments personally? Gentlemen too, have patients told you that they prefer a female nurse?

I would enjoy hearing people's thoughts and experiences regarding this subject. Thanks!

[Double-Helix, BSN, RN]

You just don't take the rude comments personally. If the patient says something that is inappropriate or offensive, you report it to your charge nurse who can escalate to social work, patient relations, and security as needed. Other than that, you realize you aren't going to change someone's personality during a hospital admission. You act professionally, and treat the person as you would any other patient.

You will encounter many people who are prejudiced. Whether chauvinistic, homophobic, racist, or any otherworld view you don't agree with. You aren't going to talk them into changing those beliefs during a hospital admission. You can expect a safe and non-threatening work environment. So if you feel threatened or unsafe, definitely report the behavior to security or your charge/manager so it can be addressed by someone higher on the chain of command than a staff nurse.

[Cutandstitch]

As a murse who works inpatient OB/GYN, I am used to getting told by my patients that they would prefer a female nurse. It is a good opportunity to take ego out of the equation and recognize that it really is about the patient. Something to consider: maybe you lucked out that this specific patient can keep his nasty attitude saved for someone else.

I used to be frustrated that some patients on my unit would be put off just because I was a guy. But the reality is that the assignment will be shifted to accommodate and you will get another patient who doesn't care and you can have positive experiences with these ones.

Patients come from all backgrounds, with every conceivable (if sometimes easily falsifiable) viewpoint. You do yourself a disservice by letting this one dude get to you so much.

[CanadianRN16]

That's the first time I've heard that one. I did my maternity placement in a hasidic Jewish/ muslim neighborhood where I was turned down by half my assigned patients. I also worked as a nursing aide in long term care homes before I got my license, many females don't want a male providing hygiene care.

As a student, you can be reassigned patients. In the real world unless the patient becomes physically/ verbally abuse towards you and there's an option to switch with another nurse, you need to assert your position as his nurse. If I were you, I'd empathize with the situation but explain that there's no other option and proceed to explain what you're going to do before you do it. If there are any tasks you can delegate to a male CNA/ nurse's aide, then try to work with them to increase adherence to treatment. It's not an easy situation, but if the patient is cognizant and refuses care after multiple attempts with other staff, there's not much you can do.

You're going to come across many rude patients, so this is good experience for the future. You need to stand up for yourself and make it clear you won't tolerate verbally abusive behaviour. As long as you stand up for yourself, and do the best you can to provide care for the patient then there's no reason to feel bad about the situation.

[theRNJedi]

In nursing, we don't get to select our patients and have to accept the reality that we encounter/care for the general public...and everything that comes with that. So yes, it is inevitable that we nurses will face a plethora of attitudes, dispositions, behaviors, and a full range of education, intelligence, bigotry, bias, meanness, niceness, etc... Despite being a safe, patient-centered quality competent nurse, sometimes patients (for whatever reason) desire another caregiver. Try not to take it personally, because it can be par for the course. And honestly, it really isn't personal..because patients don't often know you personally; thus it's probably based on something else. Some patient behaviors and attitudes can often be a defense mechanism in response to being hospitalized, being sick, feeling a lack of control, being in an unfamiliar setting, and/or losing a sense of independence. I would suggest to keep the right frame of mind...you are there to provide nursing care, not provide 'therapy' and repair character flaws and reshape the world views of patients.

Years ago on a med-surg unit I had a patient who experienced and IV infiltration. When I entered the room to assess the beeping pumps and inspect the IV site, the patient was angry and stated to my face that I was a terrible nurse, I was in the wrong profession, and demanded another nurse. Obviously I did not take that personally because I knew I cared for this patient well and this particular incidence was unforeseeable. But nonetheless the experience was 'real' for the patient. The incident was properly documented and reported, and the rest of the shift went on like clock work. I never saw that patient again. I could have spent a lot of time analyzing the encounter and self-loathing over my nursing practice...but I did not. Of course I gleaned from it and reflected on it to enhance my own practice, but I never became angry, depressed, or offended because in my reflection I knew these experiences were not a trend for me; I had received no prior feedback indicating that I was a bad nurse, and I was confident that I expressed empathy for my patient's infiltration and that I delivered safe quality care. I recognized this was a knee-jerk response by the patient and I was his 'scape-goat' of blame. You have to pick your battles and this one was not personal for me, so I negotiated with the charge nurse and we adjusted patient assignments to accommodate the patients request.

Due diligence in establishing a trusting relationship is fundamental in having a good rapport; and in many instances it is an art. Some nurse have more developed interpersonal skills than others and can negotiate with these types of patients with impressive acumen. In your scenario, I would suggest open and therapeutic dialogue with the patient that you have heard and acknowledge his concerns and preferences and will aim to accommodate them. This shows compassion and empathy which is very powerful in gaining trust. Often times, patients just need some affirmation with quality attention that their feelings matter and want to know that they have been recognized and heard. Subtle exchanges like this (and having your preceptor 'champion' you to the patient) may potentially open up the patient to accepting you as a caregiver.

-theRNjedi