I need help...can someone please critique my cover letter

tyvin, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

I didn't read all of the cover letter because................................it's too long. Employers don't want to be bothered with long cover letters. You got to put 3 p/p (not 5) of eye catching syntax that explains in as few words as possible the idea you're trying to get across. It's kind of like the idea of if it takes you that long to say something in a cover letter how will you be on your feet in real work situations. Remember, you are only introducing yourself and the position you're applying for.

You speak Spanish...that belongs in the first p/p...Don't talk about how excited you are and be specific about what position it is; details (I realize there isn't but pretend). First p/p; my name is so an so. I graduated from blah in blah, now is the time to put if there are any honors. I speak Spanish and blah is my short and long term goals. Then include 3rd p/p. Then end it with a recap (short).

Things like I completed.. I am a licensed...snore; you are going to put B.S.N.,R.N. after your name in the header (Don't repeat yourself). It's OK to be able to put it in as few words as possible...it shows how smart you are. I believe lots of the stuff you have in the cover letter you will put in the resume...don't repeat yourself (see how annoying that is).

It might behoove you to hire someone or research about how to write a successful cover letter on the internet. I'm not trying to be cruel, it's good advice.

tyvin, BSN, RN · Mar 10, 2013

MSN Careers - 5 things to leave off your résumé - Career Advice Article

Well, the universe is speaking...I saw this when I turned on my computer this am and thought about you.

BTW; I liked your resume.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Mar 11, 2013

I agree with Tyvin. Your cover letter needs to be 3 paragraphs max. Example:

" I'm interested in x position, and my values/ skills fit because....(Tie in the company values/ mission somehow).

Next, briefly highlight 1-2 professional accomplishments or an interesting factoid from your clinical time that relates to the position in one short paragraph.

I look forward to hearing from you, or I will follow up...thank you."

The end.

bebbercorn · Mar 11, 2013

I agree that it's long but I do like how you tie in your psych background. Perhaps cutting down a bit on the information you gave about the neuro unit, as they know what your position might entail, and save the space for your extracurricular work in the next paragraph, which I feel may make you stand out. Just my opinion, I hope you find a great position!

pequenopatoRN · Mar 11, 2013

Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. I worked on my cover letter and resume over the weekend. If you could kindly look over it again, that would be great! I cut most of the resume stuff out, like previous jobs, especially since they were not very nursing related. I also figured that they get that information when you have to fill out their job application.

So and so, BSN RN

address

Phone

E-mail

Date

Hospital

address

Dear Human Resource Recruitment and Staffing,

Position:

Position ID:

I am interested in the Position at Hospital, as my value/skills/career goals fit because…

I completed my senior practicum for nursing school on a Neuroscience Unit at Hospital where I provided nursing care for patients with a variety of neurological conditions. I also provided necessary communication between Spanish-speaking patients and staff, which has proven to be invaluable in the clinical setting.

In addition to my nursing education, I have also provided care and teaching for children diagnosed with neurological disorders, namely autism spectrum disorders. Furthermore, I worked with children diagnosed as emotionally disturbed, which prepared me to work in high stress and crisis situations. Finally, during my undergraduate studies, I assisted with conducting research experiments pertaining to memory and autism spectrum disorders through the University Psychology Department and Univeristy Institute.

I welcome the opportunity to interview for the Registered Nurse position at Hospital. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to following up with you to discuss my application further.

Sincerely,

So and so

Resume

So and so, BSN RN

Address

Phone

E-mail

Education

College City State

Bachelor of Science in Nursing December 2012

University City State

Bachelor of Arts in Psychology June 2007

Licenses, Certifications

RN – NY State licensed expires 01/31/2016
RN – CA State license pending
BLS certified expires 10/2013
NIH Stroke Scale certified expires 03/2015

Clinical Experience

Advanced Medical-Surgical, Fall 2012– Hospital, Neuroscience Unit – City State

Community Health, Fall 2012 – Health Center – City State

Psychiatric Mental Health, Summer 2012 – Hospital – City State

Maternity, Summer 2012 – Hospital, Postpartum care unit – City State

Pediatric, Summer 2012 – Hospital, Pediatric Inpatient unit – City State

Medical-Surgical, Spring 2012 - Hospital, Medical-Surgical Unit – City State

Nursing Skills

- Performed thorough neurological assessments and care for patients on a Neuroscience Unit with ischemic stroke, hemorrhagic stroke, brain tumors, post-neurosurgical operation, ocular disorders and other neurological disorders

- Preformed systematic head-to-toe and focused nursing assessments for patients of all age groups on various hospital units

- Demonstrate technical skill in the delivery of nursing care for patients (i.e. Extraventricular drain management, chest tube care, wound care, catheterization)

- Experience with cardiac telemetry monitoring

- Administered medication (PO, IM, SC, IV) in accordance with 6 rights of Medication administration

- Delegated to ancillary support staff in accordance with 5 rights of delegation

- Assisted with admission and discharge paperwork

- Documented on paper and electronically

- Collaborated with other members of the healthcare team

Skills, Community Involvement, Leadership

- Proficient in Spanish

- College – Nursing Students Without Borders – Treasurer 2011-2012

- University – Greek Conduct Board Member – 2006-2007

- Hospital – Research Day Presenter - May 2012

- National Association of Hispanic Nurses – Current Member

- Volunteer for Hospital Emergency Room and Psychiatric Ward – City State 2004-2005

- Volunteer for Shelter – Summer 2012 – food server

tyvin, BSN, RN · Mar 19, 2013

You really cleaned it up. Take the first p/p and leave out the "because" and anything that was going to follow. Follow it with a short sentence of what school you grad and the year.

Then keep the first sentence of the second p/p and create another sentence that says you speak Spanish. Tell them you speak Spanish...you look like you're not fluent the way you have it phrased; IMO. Something like "With my fluent Spanish I have experience interpreting, teaching, and translating for patients, families, and staff in the medical setting" ... you could leave out medical setting or reinvent the sentence.

They already know you were in clinical and what the practicum was. There you got the second p/p, now keep the third p/p (except the last sentence is rather assuming, but it's OK) and Voila!...that's my advice anyway...it's short, but it's good and that's what they like.