I have worked in an ER for a little over a year and a half now, doing permanent nights. I love the adrenaline, the codes, traumas, and really sick people. I’ve been pushed to new limits and gained so much confidence. I learned how to voice my concerns, opinions, and a big one: how to say no and set limits with people. But now, the honeymoon phase is over and it’s not all new and exciting. Daily I feel beaten into the ground. When I try to explain how I feel about my job, the best way I can put it is, “it’s sucking the life out of me.” I used to be a really naive, docile person who wanted to please. I don’t feel that innocence anymore. I feel cold, jaded and emotionless. I still love the teamwork (I work with a great crew) and the codes, critical pts, etc. but I don’t know if that’s enough to keep me in the game. I’m depressed, my sleep is profoundly messed up and I never feel physically energized or well. I love the ER but it’s becoming toxic for me. I don’t want to go into work every day to be belittled, verbally and physically abused by patients and their families. I’ve seen some sad things happen to patients that I have trouble forgetting. I feel like my nervous system is shocked and burnt out. I don’t know where else to go. I don’t want to switch jobs and lose my skills and I will miss to critical care aspect. Yet I don’t want to stay and lose my darn mind. Do other people have experiences like this where they stayed and they got over it? Where else have others gone after ED that gives them a better work-life balance? I feel so lost and frustrated...any response helps!!
I was in a very similar position as you not too long ago. I kept blaming it on being on night shift, then blamed it on picking up too many hours, etc. The excuses kept going on and on because as miserable as I was in my job the last year or so, it was what I was good at. I have always been in "emergencies" since starting as a paramedic and it was what I felt competent in and comfortable with.
However, emergency nursing is just not what it used to be. It is not even the same as a few years ago. I definitely agree with what JKL33 said above....I feel like the ER does not revolve around saving lives, but instead defending your license and constantly "ruling out" emergencies....about being pushed to go faster and faster with a more skeleton staff every single day. That the ER becomes more abusive every single day....no one cares that there is verbal or physical abuse - instead, management wants to know what the nurses did to "provoke" the abuse. I hated the fact that I felt like my license was on the line constantly....that there were multiple level 2s in the waiting room or all my patients turned into ICU level of care and administration didn't care about. However, if sentinel events happened, then they could not seem to piece together why these happened.
Anyway - I really do emphasize with what you are going through because I have been there, done that. There is nothing wrong with needing a change. I do miss parts of the ER - my team, the critical thinking, teamwork, the ability to not sweat the small stuff, etc. Pre-op and PACU is a very different field - however, I am happier with my life and how my license isn't on the line. I am becoming more patient and compassionate again. I occasionally have time to sit and talk with my coworkers....laugh or talk about our lives.
I don't think you will ever regret your background as an ER nurse, but as a former ER nurse - I can promise you there IS a need for a change sometimes...and you will be happier with yourself with a change even if it is only for a year or two.
This is comforting to read that you’ve moved to PACU and have a better work life. You and JKL33 totally hit the nail on the head regarding all the stressors of the ED that take a mental and physical toll on nurses. It’s a big problem and such a shame that we can’t continue in a field we love bc of the unrealistic demands and expectations of the job.
So now I have an interview for outpatient IR coming up. Part of me is feeling excited to make a change, the other part of me can’t comprehend the schedule. Mon-Fri 7-330. Nice that there’s no weekends but I will be missing my quiet weekdays off. Going from 3 shifts a week to 5 seems crazy! But at the end of the day the recovery period from just one 12 hr ED shift is probably much longer than an 8 hr in IR (I hope!)... and anyway, I don’t know if this position will pan out, as I’m in the early stages of interviewing. I’m just happy that I have the ball rolling on the job hunt.
Wbm33
8 Posts
This is comforting to read that you’ve moved to PACU and have a better work life. You and JKL33 totally hit the nail on the head regarding all the stressors of the ED that take a mental and physical toll on nurses. It’s a big problem and such a shame that we can’t continue in a field we love bc of the unrealistic demands and expectations of the job.
So now I have an interview for outpatient IR coming up. Part of me is feeling excited to make a change, the other part of me can’t comprehend the schedule. Mon-Fri 7-330. Nice that there’s no weekends but I will be missing my quiet weekdays off. Going from 3 shifts a week to 5 seems crazy! But at the end of the day the recovery period from just one 12 hr ED shift is probably much longer than an 8 hr in IR (I hope!)... and anyway, I don’t know if this position will pan out, as I’m in the early stages of interviewing. I’m just happy that I have the ball rolling on the job hunt.