I have worked in an ER for a little over a year and a half now, doing permanent nights. I love the adrenaline, the codes, traumas, and really sick people. I’ve been pushed to new limits and gained so much confidence. I learned how to voice my concerns, opinions, and a big one: how to say no and set limits with people. But now, the honeymoon phase is over and it’s not all new and exciting. Daily I feel beaten into the ground. When I try to explain how I feel about my job, the best way I can put it is, “it’s sucking the life out of me.” I used to be a really naive, docile person who wanted to please. I don’t feel that innocence anymore. I feel cold, jaded and emotionless. I still love the teamwork (I work with a great crew) and the codes, critical pts, etc. but I don’t know if that’s enough to keep me in the game. I’m depressed, my sleep is profoundly messed up and I never feel physically energized or well. I love the ER but it’s becoming toxic for me. I don’t want to go into work every day to be belittled, verbally and physically abused by patients and their families. I’ve seen some sad things happen to patients that I have trouble forgetting. I feel like my nervous system is shocked and burnt out. I don’t know where else to go. I don’t want to switch jobs and lose my skills and I will miss to critical care aspect. Yet I don’t want to stay and lose my darn mind. Do other people have experiences like this where they stayed and they got over it? Where else have others gone after ED that gives them a better work-life balance? I feel so lost and frustrated...any response helps!!