I am GOING OUT OF MY MIND!!!

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

I have successfully completed 3 1/2 years of 5 years of probation in my state for diversion of drugs back in 2000. I self reported to the BON but there is no alternative to discipline in my state & I automatically had my license suspended for 6 months. I was so ashamed that I didn't return to nursing until 2006. After completing a required refresher course, I managed to stay continuously employed as an MDS Coordinator despite my probation until last August. New management came in to my facility and wanted their own people in management and I was part of the "houes cleaning."

I have been looking for work since the end of August. There has been very little for me to apply for since my knees can't take floor work any more and I can't do travel, home health, or temporary positions.

In early December, thought I had a job to be a Medicare fraud investigator. The interviewers were eating out of my hand in the interview, asking me when I can start, agreeing on pay, etc, etc. Then I dropped the "bomb" and never got a call back. Finally, I called HR and someone did at least have the courtesy to call me back to tell me that they had upcoming contracts that wouldn't allow me as a nurse on probation to fill the position.

Okay--so I had another interview to go to on Tuesday December 22 for an MDS Coordinator position in a nursing home. The administrator was impressed with me, didn't think their would be a problem with my probation and said he's call back by the beginning of the next week for a second interview. The holidays and two feet of snow fell during the next THREE WEEKS as I climbed the walls waiting for this guy to call.

Finally, I called him on Thursday January 14, saying that I figured he had another candidate he preferred & would he let me know so I could just move on. He finally calls me back on Monday January 18th, saying I'm still under consideration asking me to come to "meet the management team" in a group interview on Friday the 22nd, one month to the day from the first interview.

The group interview seemed to go well to me and I left the facility while "the team" talked about my candidacy. The administrator called me that night to schedule a THIRD interview for Monday Jan 25 with their regional MDS person to quiz me to see if I know what I am talking about re: MDS. She seemed satisfied with my answers and the administrator asked me how soon can I start, etc. He did everything short of making the offer and agreeing on pay. (I know the pay range, which he revealed during interview #1) He said it was down to 2 candidates, me and someone else. He then SWORE he would call me back by this afternoon with a decision. I did say that I wasn't going to hold my breath--and sure enough, no call.

Meanwhile I go to my bridge club to play tonight and my partner remarks what a good deal it is that people, like me, get unemployment compensation of $300 per week for "doing nothing." She had one job her whole life and recently retired when a manager she didn't like took over her department. She does not know about my license status, I don't think and has ZERO idea of what I am going through.

THEN--I get home to an email from the administrator that he will "get back to me by the end of the week" with his decision. AARG!!!

Folks, I need a job so bad I can taste it, and this stringing along is killing me. My money is running out and I am scared that the handicaps placed on me by the BON are going to completely destroy my ability to support myself. The only reason I have survived this long is that I socked money away while I had a decent job so I had an emergency fund. If there were ANY way I could turn down this job, I would because this administrator is treating me like sh*t and I am angry.

Thanks for letting me vent (BTW I have been completely clean and sober since Dec 8, 2004)

Catmom :paw:

[vanlo001]

Congratulations on being clean and sober forcthe last five years. Diligence will reward you. It's very hard to fall but don't let it discourage you. I can feel your desperation but if it doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be. Talk yourself up in your own head. Start putting out other apps and resumes and combing the area and networking. That will take your focus off this. When they call you'll be happier and self assured. I know you know this but you can't change events, you can't make people like you or hire you, but you can focus on yourself. Put your best foot forward forgive yourself accept your situation and sit down and honestly assess what you can do to change it. You got this, you are almost there, take care and really I hope you get this job.

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Thanks for your encouragement Vanlo. I have calmed down now & recovered from the shock of it seeming like the torture would soon be over. It is not and I just have to keep on keeping on.

[lifeistweet]

Know exactly what you are going through! I had a hearing with the state last Dec. and didn't get a response letter until April of the next year!! It was hell waiting and then they said I had to wait another 6 months. It would almost be better to have a trial-at least you have the right to a speedy one!! The BON is definately not in a hurry. No consideration that you have a home and children to support. If it wasn't for my Dad I don't know what I would do. But I just keep doing the next right thing. It's been two years almost and my life is definately improved. Just keep talking to your sponsor, I thank god for mine, going to meetings and doing the next right thing. You may have to take a job outside nursing. I did and I hated it but I had to. Good Luck and hang in there. It'll gebetter. Congrats on 5 years.