I care too much about what others think...

[MissNancy]

Hi,

I am the kind of person that cant really stand being underappericate a lot, a simple thank you can do me wonders! I have a caring personality and care a lot about what others think of me. Or I care if I tried to help and they don't even say thank you or smile at least.

Anyways, I coach tennis and when I first started I got a complaint and I remember I tried to coach well! No one trained me on how to coach, I just got the job. And it wasn't that I wasn't trying to coach, I did, I just was so inexperienced I was horrible at it. Keep in mind I was only about 17/18 at the time and all of a sudden I got my first job with 10-20 kids all at different skill levels. And I never been in a leadership position before this or trained to do this! It was hard to figure out what to do.

I actually cried for days because of this complaint. For me is I can't stand getting a complaint when I try hard to help someone then they complain. Or if I am just looked down upon or not appreciated at all. Or when I get yelled at for no reason.

Point is, I know nurses are not cared about and the criticism is high on them. I can stand constructive criticism, just not complaints or someone yelling at me on what a horrible job am I doing. This might seem a little issue to you, but it is really big for me. I try hard especially if others are my responsibility. I'm still unsure on the idea of nursing, its a viable option, but I'm not sure. How do you handle this? And would nursing be a good option then?

[KJoRN81, RN]

oh wow, you sound a lot like me!! maybe nursing isn't the way to go for us i'm kidding. honestly i'm sure it depends on the environment you're in. i'm not a nurse, but i have worked around nurses & doctors for 5 yrs, & have seen interactions like you wouldn't believe. it seems to me, that in high-stress situations (such as in trauma o.rs, high-stress surgeries, etc) that s**t runs downhill: surgeons yell at the residents, the residents yell at the nurses, the nurses cry or yell at the nas...

i currently work in an icu (which can be stressful at times), but it's amazing the difference between how the surgeons act when they're performing surgery & then when they're checking on their patient; they're a little less stressed, therefore less apt to be verbally abusive to those around them. (but seriously? some of them are just horrible!! neurosurgeons *coughcough*)

i've seen nurses burst into tears because they got yelled at, & i've also seen them snap back. i guess you gotta let it roll of your back....then again, if you're not going to be in that sort of environment, you probably don't need to worry about it.

i'm sure my post didn't help at all (lol, i'm sorry), but just know that even the nicest people have bad days & sometimes it gets taken out on those that are just trying to help.

[Aerielle]

Sometimes when something goes wrong a unit, I feel the student nurses are usually the ones to blame. For example, someone had left a soiled bedpan on the ground in the dirty utility room because the Vernacare machine was not working. None of us (the students) did that - in fact, we took our dirty bedpans and walked across the halls to dispose them. Of course, the staff on the unit were the first to point fingers at us and blame us...Which was very unfair! Sometimes you just have to suck it up and smile past it all, "Yes, we understand that, Thank you for letting us know though!"...Nothing else could be done at the moment that would have diffused the situation.

Not to say we shouldn't stand up for ourselves - we did speak with our instructor about it and she did look into the situation and talk to the clinical nurse leader on the unit.

In situations where people are yelling at you and telling you how terrible you are doing things -Which I have not been in before- but I would take a deep breath and mentally reheorifice whatever it is I did : Was everything I did standard procedure, and safe for the patient? Did I neglect to address some of the needs of my patients? etc. If I conclude I have done everything correct or to the best of my ability, I would try to find out what it is the other person thinks I am doing wrong, as people perceive things differently. (Ex. A family member may be upset that you had removed a patient's nasal prongs, but you did so because the patient's oxygen saturation has stabilized. In this case finding out why the family member is upset and explaining the rationale for your actions may help)

But sometimes people are just so stressed out in the hospital environment that they need some sort of outlet - of course yelling at a nurse is not appropriate, but the nurse must be empathetic and know how to diffuse the situation rather than escalate it.

Hopefully I've touched onto a few things you are concerned about! In sum, understanding the reason WHY someone is saying you did a terrible job is important - it may not even really be YOU...it may just be THEM! :) You can't change the way people think and act and feel about you - you can only change how you react to those things! Cognitive restructuring! :)

Good luck!! :)

[healthstar, BSN, RN]

I don't think profession is the problem in this case, I strongly believe it has a lot to do with people's characters/personalities. You have to find the right friends, coworkers, environment. Never ever do more than others would do for you. You can test people, help them once and see if they appreciate your help etc, if they do not thank you or talk to you after everything you hav done for them, stop helping them. People will always take advantage of you intentionally or unintentionally. If someone is yelling at you or making you uncomfortable, find the courage and speak up professionally. Ex: you are making me uncomfortable and I do not appreciate you speaking to me that way. If you have any concerns feel free to discuss it privately, this always works for me, always!

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

a lot has to do with YOUR level of confidence. If you know you made the best decision you could at the time, then stand up for yourself. You can only be intimidated if you allow it to happen.