How do you prepare yourself to not become emotional at work?

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · May 19, 2016

I'm good at compartmentalizing and maintaining a profound degree of emotional detachment. The patients and their families are placed into one compartment, and the people in my personal life go into another compartment.

Not to sound salty, but the patients are not my personal friends. I was kind and professional to them during my 10 years as a floor nurse, but never developed the emotional attachments that would prompt me to shed tears over any poor outcomes that they might have had.

I've seen my fair share of death. There are things far worse than death.

CNAtoMD · May 20, 2016

Not a nurse but feel that I feel I still can answer. First it is not your life, your family member, or your friend. It seems cold but this is business (just like any other business). Business stays at work and your family stays at home. If you sign up for a job in medicine you WILL see death, hurt and tragedy. Again this is not you, your family, or your friends. Patients will need you and you need to be there. The demanding patient still needs care whether you just got out of the room of a drug seeker or watched a 6 year old die. Really you need to distance yourself from what other people are going through. You are there to help and sometimes even after the best it will still not be good enough, you have to dust yourself off and get on to the next person/patient.

I say this because that is really how 95% of your career should be. Yet we are still human and most of the population will never see what we all see. It really is OK to connect with a patient and really feel bad if something goes wrong or someone does not have a good outcome. It is also OK to cry at work and feel absolutely terrible. It is OK to tap someone in and say you cannot handle it. It really is ok to stay after a shift to talk to a patient or family member when you should have been home an hour ago. It is also OK to question yourself if you did everything possible or if you were good enough. Many of us signed up for this job to feel this way.

If you sign up for a job in healthcare you signed up for seeing some awful things. You shouldn't break down at every case but you shouldn't suppress every feeling you have. The number one thing is finding outlet. This may be a spouse or family member.

AgentBeast, MSN, RN · May 20, 2016

There is no crying in baseball! Seriously though you have to walk a fine line between caring enough to be effective and caring too much to be unable to function as a nurse. You aren't doing anybody any good bawling your eyes out in the staff break room. Similarly you aren't doing any good if you don't give a **** about anything.

joanna73, BSN, RN · May 20, 2016

As Commuter mentioned, I think the key is compartmentalizing. I care about others but nursing is a role and a job. I'm not there to make friends and I have limited resources.

While I have thought about a particular resident or family away from work, I am well aware of the separation that is crucial.

nutella, MSN, RN · May 20, 2016

As nurses, you must see challenging, emotional, and sad things quite frequently. How do you prepare yourself in difficult situations so that you don't show emotion (I.e. When a patient is dying). Do you have any tricks or ways that you stop yourself from becoming too emotional?
Similarly, have you ever cried at work? What was the situation?

I am surrounded by emotional situation and difficult situations as a palliative care nurse.

Compartmentalizing is one strategy to keep emotions in "neat little boxes" and avoid spilling over into after work life or coming out in appropriate moments. However, not everybody is able to compartmentalize ongoing and most people can not do it 100% - it can turn into a pressure cooker with unwanted emotions flooding people, which usually results in some emotional and professional mess.

People cope in different ways and you need to find a way that works for you (and your coworkers and patients). In my personal opinion it is important to compartmentalize but to allow for some emotions to be processed so nothing builds up. My coworkers and I (all palliative care) talk to each other and vent to each other or share situations that "move" us for example parent with young kids dying, or tragic stuff.

I know other people who use creativity as their outlet and write or draw.

In my specific job though - while important to be professional - it is not good to appear totally removed. There is a certain level of engagement that helps patients and their families. Finding a balance is what is important. It is ok to say "this is very sad" but it is not ok to become so sad that it results in inability to perform the work.

And - boundaries!!!

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · May 20, 2016

People cope in different ways and you need to find a way that works for you (and your coworkers and patients).

I concur. My main coping mechanism was intellectualization. I used intellectualization to deal with emotionally charged situations by focusing most strongly on the facts and logic of whatever was occurring, thereby minimizing the emotional impact on me.

Exercise is also a potent outlet for emotions. When I feel anxious, jogging around the neighborhood at night helps immensely.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · May 20, 2016

I also agree with the compartmentalizing. I can be very compassionate and kind when a family member's loved one is going to die, but I don't let it into me.

We see death a lot on my unit. People often weaning their loved ones from intubation or we get frequent codes suddenly. Death is a part of life. And as Commuter said, there are far things worse than death.

I would say you necessarily get used to it, you just have to have the attitude that death is going to occur from time to time and while it is sad, there are the rest of the patients still living who need our care. And we have to do the best job possible to keep them living. The world keeps spinning.