I was sooo excited to get a spot in the Jan. nursing class.
However before I can start I have to pass A&P I with a "C" or better.
Normally that wouldnt be a problem -but life has been anything but normal here lately.
I could go on and on about how my husband has decided he wanted to be 20 yo again instead of 37, have a midlife crisis, live a party lifestyle and become an addict again. I could tell you about how many times over the past year he's totally ripped my heart to shreds and stomped on it, how cold-hearted he's been and irresponsible.
How when given the ultimatum - me and the children or your buddies and partying, he didnt choose us.
How I've been almost suicidal and beyond depressed and anxiety filled...
But, I won't go on and on....LOL.
Truth be told, I've let all of this life drama get in my way and interfere with my studies (I'm finishing up my 3rd semester of pre-reqs now) and I've 99.9% sure that I've screwed myself out of my nursing class spot.
I've gotten too far behind in my A&P class. In the next week I have one quiz, lecture exam 4, last lab exam and the comprehensive final.
Right now my grade is a terrible 76% (should be at least a very high B!!)
I have not learned anything that is on these exams yet. The lab exam is Thurday evening. The quiz and lec exam 4 if this weekend and our final is Tuesday evening.
I just dont see any possible way to learn 4-5 chapters between 2 classes in this amount of time. Its an enormous amount of info - I'm still shakey on lots of stuff before this material!!
I am SO angry and disappointed with myself.
I sit down and try to study but I can't focus, I'm not retaining anything.
The schools tutoring is a joke - a couple of grouchy people in the open lab who dont want to be there and definately dont want to be tutoring others.
So, in approx. 18 mos I would have been a nurse, now who knows when I'll get in again if I can't miraculously somehow get a C in this class.
Thing is, is that with my marriage so on the rocks, I was really, reallly needing this opportunity to better myself so I could be pretty much self-sufficient and raise my children alone if need be.
My husband is very disappointed in me - but refuses to take any responsibility for his part in my non-ability to do well due to how insane our lives have gotten. He just shrugs and says - "well, if you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to pass." Well....hmmm....probably would if I could focus and concentrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know why I'm even posting this, feels good to vent and whine and have a pity party, I guess. Maybe I am just making excuses....
I really need some major motivation to study my butt off for the next week around the clock - but at this point its looking pretty darn hopeless and I just am so discouraged and want to say to heck with it all and give up.
