How to comfort patients?

[Al25]

Hi,

I recently started volunteering at a hospice as a 'befriender'. I'm basically supposed to just sit with any patients who want company and talk to them/sit quietly with them if they're not in a state to talk.

Anyway I've been doing this for a little over a month now and I'm finding it incredibly difficult. I'm pretty much making this thread to ask how I can improve?

I suppose the problem comes down to the fact that I'm not sure what to talk about with some of these people. It's all well and good if the patient is able to talk clearly as I can just have a regular conversation with them. However a lot of the time the patient is unable to talk or has incredible difficulty talking and I find it really awkward in these situations. I'm just not sure what to say? I've seen some of the other volunteers do it and it seems to come so naturally to them.. in fact one of the girls even manages to entertain the patients who can't even speak! I saw her the other day talking to a gentleman who suffered a stroke I think(?). He couldn't speak at all and yet I saw him laughing with her so obviously she is very good at making people feel at ease - something I'd like to be able to do..

I also don't know what to say to patients who have been in the hospice for a considerable amount of time. I personally always find it easier/more interesting to listen to other people rather than talk about myself, but in this situation it seems you really do have to spend more time talking about yourself as you're the one who's been able to live life out in the world. I've often asked 'so what have you been up to?' only to realise 2 seconds later what a stupid question that was as they've been cooped up the hospice the whole time. I also can't ask how they're feeling as they're again going to be feeling worse than when I saw them last.

Anyway I'd really appreciate it if I could get advice on how to deal with unresponsive patients (or patients who can't talk very well) as that's where I struggle the most. Sometimes I can clearly see they're trying to talk to me but I just can't understand what they're saying and it makes me feel like a complete plum. It seems all the other nurses are so good at talking to these people and I just wish I could do the same.

Thanks!

[tewdles, RN]

I would recommend that you do a bit of research on the interests of the patients you are visiting. What hobbies do/did they have, what work did they do, what sports or recreation do they enjoy, do they have children or grandchildren or even greats?

I have read gardening magazines and bird books and bibles to patients who are lonely but cannot communicate verbally with others.

The objective is to connect with the person...the subject matter is irrelevant really, at least at first. Just relax and try to get to know them as people rather than as patients.

[Al25]

Thanks tewdles!

And yea this is what I do. I have no problem making conversation with patients that are able to talk to me.. it's just I don't know what to do/say to the ones who can't talk back to me.. or rather they're making the effort to try and talk to me but I just can't understand a word they say.

It always ends with me not being able to understand what they've just said and so sitting there feeling a little awkward

[ErinS, BSN, RN]

This is something I had a really hard time with when I started in hospice. This is a really good chance to learn about therapeutic silence. This is a hard thing to be comfortable, but often for hospice patients it is not what you say, but just that you care enough to be there. A lot of times our volunteers will provide music that a patient likes and just be there to listen to the music with the patient, or reading out of a book can help ease into being comfortable with silence. Good luck!

[Al25]

Thanks Erin,

I actually recall the term 'therapeutic silence' being brought up at our induction. However do you apply this to all patients ie. the ones who can't speak at all AND the ones who can't speak very well? The last thing I'd want is to sit down next to a patient, be completely silent and make them feel uncomfortable.

Any advice on how to go about this? Do you just introduce yourself and sit there with them?

Thanks again!

[Hospice Nurse LPN, BSN, RN]

Good points, ladies! I also find my pts like to know what's going to in the outside world. I love to talk, so I really don't have a problem chatting my pt up while doing my assessment. If they can talk, we discuss what's on the mind of everyone in south Louisiana--the oil spill or any other current events. If they are non-verbal, I ask the fam what their likes and interests were. Sometimes, however, just being quiet and holding their hand is all that's needed. God bless our volunteers!